Wednesday, August 31, 2005

26 'Av 5765/31 August 2005:


Political griping: “Poverty rate rises to 12.7 percent” (i.e., Bush’s policies are hurting America) and New “Zim Bill is 'rape of democracy'”.

Today’s weird thing is, which is about the adventures of various lawn gnomes around the World. Enjoy.


Monday, August 29, 2005

24 'Av 5765/29 August 2005: David's birthday

Greetings, and happy birthday to my brother David.

In the interest of religious education, today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.


Subject: child's view of the bible

HEALING LAUGHTER FOR THE SOUL. If you know the Bible, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the New Testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

5. Samson was a st rong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines .

15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the Lord were called the decibels.

22. The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.

23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

23 'Av 5765/28 August 2005


Gripe of the day: Barry has pointed out the article “Autistic Boy's Death Raises Questions”, which is a warning to those who act upon hypotheses which are unsupported by actual data. What the article does not say is that there is zero credible data that any vaccination is associated with autism. Children happen to get vaccinated with a vaccine called MMR (stands for “measles, mumps, rubella”) about the same time that autism is usually diagnosed. This led one man to assume there was a link between MMR and autism, and he announced it to the press without bothering to do the actual research needed. When other people did the research, it turned out that vaccinated and unvaccinated children were equally likely to develop autism. As such, chelation therapy is a waste of time at best, and in the case discussed in the article homicide due to stupidity.

I have solved the riddle of why Google AdSense ads were not showing up: PithHelmet, the ad-blocking software I use, was filtering them out. I set PithHelmet not to block anything from this blog except (universally agreed to be evil) pop-up ads, and now they show up fine. They haven't earned me any money yet, but at least I know they can. Though I doubt anyone is going to lay out money to buy alleged ghost footage...

Today’s weird thing is a convenient rationalization from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.


Can't eat beef... mad cow.
Can't eat chicken or eggs... bird flu.
Can't eat pork... fears that bird flu will infect piggies.
Can't eat fish... poisoned by heavy metals in the water.
Can't eat fruit or veggies... insecticides and herbicides.
Hmmmmmm... I believe that leaves chocolate.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Worthy cause of the day: Preserve The Estate Tax

Greetings. has another petition up, this one to keep Congress from abolishing the estate tax. Please sign and tell your senators that tax breaks for the richest 2% of the country make no sense when we have the biggest federal deficit in history. Thank you for your help, and Shabbath shalom.


21 'Av 5765/26 August 2005: Women's Equality/Right to Vote Day


Today’s quasi-holiday commemorates, to quote Odd Holidays, “the 1920 passage of the 19th Amendment to the Constitution, granting women the right to vote.” Voting rights for women was a big political issue at the time, and like all big issues, it attracted not only people who seriously believed in it, but also many people wishing to exploit it for personal gain. The latter were parodied in today’s weird thing, L. Frank Baum’s The Marvelous Land of Oz. Baum was the son-in-law of women’s rights actvist Matilda Joslyn Gage, so he was familiar with the movement; how the plot is resolved reflects a significant feminist influence.

Note: It is recommended that one read The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, to which The Marvelous Land of Oz, first. Those relying on the 1939 MGM movie may be needlessly confused on details.



Thursday, August 25, 2005



I made a mistake. What happened at the Western Wall was not a protest. It was a prayer meeting. Sorry about that.


20 'Av 5765/25 August 2005: Soy Bean Day


Religio-political stuff: Jessica has pointed out to me some photographs of the recent protest against “disengagement” at the Western Wall. As soon as I did the mental guesswork of what it must have been actually like, my reaction was “Wow!” Getting about 7% of a country to show up at a single event is no small feat.

Also, Barry pointed out to me“Rival child lamas grow up and into political storm”, which is about how China is messing with Buddhism in Tibet. (They are not above messing with Catholicism, either.)

Since today is Soy Bean Day, I declare today’s weird thing to be Soy Vay. I cannot invent a pun like this. Be amused.


Wednesday, August 24, 2005

19 'Av 5765/24 August 2005: A game


Political griping: For a change, I will not gripe about Sharon and Abbas. Instead, I will gripe about other “deserving” people. See “The struggle over science”for another way that Bush is trying to destroy the US. Also see “Oops, there goes the UN's 'moral authority'” for information on the ever-widening web of scandal UN head Kofi Annan is caught in. And to round things out, see “Turkmen President Bans Lip Synching” for the level of absurdity lunatics in office can rise to.

Today’s weird thing is from Emily’s collection and included below. Enjoy.


Think of a letter between A and K. (scroll down!)
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.

Think of an animal that begins with that letter...
(Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.)

Think of a man's/woman's name that begins with the
last letter in the animal's name...

Now count out the letters in that name on the
fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.

Take the hand you counted with and hold it out in
front of you at face level.

Look at you palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand.

Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the person's name?

HECK NO !............Of course not!!!!

Now take that same hand, smack yourself in the face, get a life, and quit playing stupid e-mail games! Don't tell the secret to others, just send them this e-mail.

Monday, August 22, 2005

17 'Av 5765/22 August 2005: "Why Parents Get Gray"


Political update: Saddam Hussein is getting into the act as casting himself as a martyr, despite having hid in hole in the ground like a coward rather than blow himself up like a real man. Next thing you know, complete and utter couch potatoes who can barely be troubled to go to the refrigerator to get a beer will be claiming to be martyrs. (And, yes, I am enjoying this taunting.)

Today’s weird thing is from Emily’s collection and included below. Enjoy.


Why Parents Get Gray

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle...

"They're looking for me."

Sunday, August 21, 2005

16 'Av 5765/21 August 2005


Political update: See “Abbas: PA to control evacuated areas”. Abbas is not living up to claims that he is a “partner for peace”, but has taking to praising “martyrs” as being responsible for the “disengagement” from Gaza. He also has referred to Yasser Arafat as a “martyr”, even though Arafat died a pathetic, cowardly death in a hospital rather than blow himself up like a real man. Arafat was a horrible role model since he sent children to the real work of jihad rather than setting a good example by blowing himself up. Obviously Abbas is a cowardly loser, too, if he dares praise such a poor excuse for a human being, and he and all of his followers should kill themselves immediately in order to redeem themselves. (Yes, Stateless Arab terrorist rhetoric is very easy to poke holes in.)

Today’s weird thing is
Control and Communication in the Animal and the Machine, which is about a cockroach-controled robot. (I cannot make stuff like this up!) Enjoy.


Friday, August 19, 2005

14 'Av 5765/19 August 2005: Potato Day/Root Beer Float Day


Note: Due to probable computer programs posting spam comments on this blog, all future comments until further notice will require answering a question which for humans is trivial and for computers difficult. The guilty party for the second one has been sent notice they now owe me $10,000.

Also: Someone please tell me if the advertising I deliberately put in my sidebar is showing up or not. I’m not seeing it, and I don’t know whether that’s because advertising to the blog owner is pointless or I did something wrong with the code.

Today’s weird thing is “Spud's Travels - the home of the world's most traveled Potato Head”. Enjoy and Shabbath shalom.


Thursday, August 18, 2005

13 'Av 5765/18 August 2005: "Build your TV!"


Political update: If you have been paying attention to the news, you are probably aware that “disengagement” is going on in Gaza. The reactions of Israelis range the gamut from resigned acceptance to violence (another person cracked and murdered a few Arabs). Israeli soldiers seem to be getting flack which they do not deserve. (“Disengangement” was not their idea, and Sharon has put them in a lose-lose situation.) The reactions of the Stateless Arabs (“Palestinians”) are inappropriate rejoicing and calls for more terrorism. (Everyone with any intelligence who expected a retreat not to give the Stateless Arabs the message that terrorism works, stand on your heads.) You can read a lot about the whole mess in the Jerusalem Post.

Today’s weird thing is the article “Build your TV!”. Enjoy.


Wednesday, August 17, 2005

12 'Av 5765/17 August 2005: Sandcastle Day/National Thriftshop Day


We had a meeting of the Weird thing of the day staff recently, and unfortunately we are all feeling economic pressures. (Thank you George W. Bush and company.) As such we have decided to sign up with Google AdSense to allow regular advertising on the blog to generate a little extra revenue (assuming we can get it to work). We are not proud, but the alternative proposals, e.g., “hippoburgers”, were more contentious.

Today’s weird thing comes from Emily’s collection and is included below. Enjoy.


How many mailing list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 578.

1 to change the light bulb and post to the list that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers.

41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this list.

111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts ARE relevant to this list.

27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

44 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.

33 to summarize ALL posts to date, then quote them (including all the headers and footers of course) and then add "Me too."

19 to quote the "Me toos" to say, "Me three."

52 to post to the list that they are un-subscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

Sooo silly!! But the funniest part is—it could happen... LOL

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

11 'Av 5765/16 August 2005: Bratwurst Festival


Political news:Health news: “Anti-smoking ad campaign really stinks”.

Today’s weird thing is political, specifically NK News: Database of North Korean Propaganda, which not only has news from North Korea, but also a Random Insult Generator, which said to me “You wicked political dwarf!” This ought to be useful for those who wish to write propaganda without resorting to thought or learning Newspeak. Enjoy.


Monday, August 15, 2005

10 ’Av 5765/15 August: Flatland, Gulliver’s Travels, and other dystopias


Something other than the Arab-Israeli War to complain about: “Rep. Major R. Owens: The Revenge of Napoleon” (suggested by Barry).

The Temple was still burning on the 10th of ’Av; the only reason today is not a fast day is because it is assumed that most people today are not able to fast two days in a row. However, some of the mourning is still with us today. As such, today’s quasi-weird things with be the rest of the dystopian material I have collected for this period.Those interested in further dystopian reading may want to look at Utopian/Dystopian Book Reviews or rent Brazil, a dystopian movie about a society which is a cross between Nineteen Eighty-Four and metastasized bureaucracy. Go ponder.


Sunday, August 14, 2005

9 'Av 5765/14 August 2005: Nineteen Eighty-Four

Official literature of the day: ’Ekhah (Lamentations), available at Mechon Mamre. I have also received a link to more sermons.

Today is the Ninth of ’Av, anniversary of the destruction of both Temples and numerous other tragedies in Jewish history. As such, for today’s quasi-weird thing I have reserved a particularly nightmarish classic of dystopic fiction, George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four. It is particularly relevant to today’s political situation; even though (thank God!) no country is as ultimately totalitarian as Oceania, Eurasia, or Eastasia, aspects of them appear in real life. I am particularly disturbed that many of the Arab and Muslim countries have implemented the Oceanian Party slogan “WAR IS PEACE” in the form of an unending jihad against Israel. They yell and scream about how horrible Israel is and threaten to destroy it, but all they really do is tell the UN to condemn Israel and pay Stateless Arabs (“Palestinians”) to kill themselves in ways that do nothing to impair Israel’s ability to defend itself or retaliate. Militarily, this makes no sense, but politically, jihad has been transformed from a means of conquest to a means of control. Israel is the Arab countries’ scapegoat, the alleged cause for everything wrong in the region, as much as whichever country Oceania is at war with is to blame. Though not thoroughly convincing, it is convincing enough to distract much anger away from those in power and distract non-Muslim countries from overthrowing said tyrannies (most of the time). Before I even finished writing this post, I received a comment on Tuesday’s quasi-weird thing, correctly noting that “WAR IS PEACE” is also applicable to the Bush administration concerning Iraq. I could easily say something on “ignorance is strength”, changing the past, crimestop, blackwhiting, etc. with regard to current politics, but I definitely don’t have the time for it at the moment. Go ponder.

Friday, August 12, 2005

7 'Av 5765/12 August 2005: Erewhon


Nine Days information:Notable commentary:Today’s substitute weird thing is Samuel Butler’s Erewhon. This is a semi-dystopic story about a country in which people do and believe insane things—which if one thinks hard enough are recognizably just the logical conclusions of insane things people in our own society do and believe. (The worst dystopia is being saved for Sunday, the Ninth of ’Av.) Go ponder, and Shabbath shalom.


Thursday, August 11, 2005

6 'Av 5765/11 August 2005: The Time Machine


Worthy cause of the day: Please sign’s petition that George W. Bush meet with Cindy Sheehan, the mother of a US soldier who died in Iraq and who wants to discuss the war with him and is sitting vigil outside his ranch until he complies.

Worthy sermon: “Sinas Chinam” by Rabbi Mordechai Willig. Note: This sermon is in Judeo-English and thus many terms, including the title (“Causeless Hatred”) may be incomprehensible to those not sufficiently acquainted with the language. Translations:
  • passuk = verse
  • Eicha = Lamentations (Biblical book)
  • Tisha B’av = the Ninth of ’Av
  • Yerushalayim = Jerusalem
  • churban = destruction, specifically the destruction of the Temple
  • sinas chinam = causeless hatred
  • apikores = heretic
  • gemara = Talmudh
  • talmedei chachamim = religious scholars
  • rabbonim = rabbis
  • Beis Hamikdosh = Temple
  • halacha = Jewish law
  • hashkafa = outlook, moral philosophy
  • ge’ula = redemption, specifically the coming of the Messiah
Today’s quasi-weird thing, Herbert George Wells’s The Time Machine, a classist dystopia, was suggested by Barry. Go ponder.


Wednesday, August 10, 2005

5 'Av 5765/10 August 2005: "A Modest Proposal"


Somebody told me yesterday about having trouble with the home page of the Temple Institute, something about it not loading. My guess at what happened is that the huge graphic on that page took forever to load, especially since that person was using a ordinary modem to connect to the Internet. Anyone experiencing such a problem who wants to visit the Temple Institute’s site may have better luck with their main page.

It has also been suggested to me that I plug my late grandfather’s Temple Mount exhibit, which would certainly be useful for understanding the appearance and some of the history of the Temple whose loss we mourn. It is still at the Pope John Paul II Cultural Center in Washington, DC. I strongly recommend that anyone in the Washington, DC area see the exhibit. (Critical commentary would be greatly appreciated; my family has an interest in improving it.)

Today’s substitute weird thing is Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”. Keep in mind it is a satire. It is only a satire. And I cannot make something like this up. Go ponder.


Tuesday, August 9, 2005

4 'Av 5765/9 August 2005: National Polka Festival


Since one of the tragedies being commemorated at this time of year is the destruction of the Temple, I think it appropriate that I note The Temple Institute, which has a lot of information about the Temple.

Today’s quasi-weird thing is George Orwell’s “Politics and the English Language”. The phenomena discussed in it still occur today. Go ponder.


Monday, August 8, 2005

3 'Av 5765/8 August 2005: Animal Farm


Political update: Several interesting articles have appeared lately in Backspin, including an article on the murder of four Arabs by Eden Natan-Zada.

Today’s substitute for a weird thing is George Orwell’s Animal Farm: A Fairy Story, a political novel on the Soviet Union and what went horribly wrong with it. Go ponder.


PS: Be patient, Big Brother.

Sunday, August 7, 2005

2 'Av 5765/7 August 2005: Sea Serpent Day/Hamburger Day


Political updates: Today’s substitute for a weird thing is Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, a classic dystopian science-fiction novel. Further dystopian visions will be appearing later this week. This is the relatively benign one, the vision being of a caste-stratified society where people are controlled by brainwashing and keeping everyone happy. One interesting feature of this society is that the natural human life cycle we are familiar with has been done away with, being replaced with a factory system. Babies are grown in jars and raised for specific jobs from conception by specialists; there are no marriages or families. Furthermore, embryos are routinely cloned. Some of the material is clearly dated (e.g., Freudianism), but much of it is still plausible. Go ponder.


Friday, August 5, 2005

29 Tammuz 5765/5 August 2005: National Mustard Day


Notice: This Shabbath begins the Nine Days, a period of mourning for the destruction of the Temple. To get in the proper mood, during this time there will be no fun weird things. All postings during this time will be downright political, or perhaps something sad, historical, or philosophizing.

Political thinking: “Fighting Terrorism: Recommendations of Arab Reformists”.

Today’s weird thing is a little something I received from both Ruth and Emily, and is included below. (Note: Spelling corrections have been made.) Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.



A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in linoleum blown apart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of the feet.

The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

Thursday, August 4, 2005

28 Tammuz 5765/4 August 2005: Coast Guard Day


Worthy causes of the day: Teach Kids Peace, which has information on the tragic state of education of Stateless Arab (“Palestinian”) education (teaching hatred and glorifying suicide bombing) and petition calling on the US, Canada, the EU, the Arab League, and the UN to put pressure on the “Palestinian Authority” to stop to the brain-washing and teach peace and coexistence. Thank you, Barry, for suggesting this site.

Also, is requesting funds to prepare for the elections in 2006.

Today’s weird thing is “Join the battle of the planet names”. Yes, you, too, can suggest a name for 2003 UB313 (Sol X?). The name the discoverers used informally was “Xena” (I know the reference, and I cannot make something like that up), but they submitted another name to the International Astronomical Union. The latter name is currently being kept secret, but the people at New Scientist are asking for suggestions anyway. I suggested “Purple” in honor of the late Fred Rogers, with “Dave” (from the TV show Alf) as an alternative, noting that they would have to name 2003 EL61 “Alvin”. Enjoy.


Wednesday, August 3, 2005

27 Tammuz 5765/3 August 2005: National Watermelon Day


Sanhedhrin update: רבני הסנהדרין: יש מצוות מסירות נפש בהצלת ישובי גוש קטיף. Summary: The rabbis of the proto-Sanhedhrin are against the disengagement.

American religio-political update: “Bush: Intelligent Design Should Be Taught”. This, of course, is against the US Constitution, specifically the First Amendment, which says “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”. “Intelligent design” is merely creationism dressed up to look more secular. As such, teaching “intelligent design” in public schools is not appropriate. If parents think it important that their kids believe in “intelligent design”, it is their responsibility to teach them themselves.

Side-note: Any scientist knows that “intelligent design” is bad science, attempting to force reality to fit preconceptions rather than the other way around. I dispute that creationמשק/“intelligent design” is even good religion. The opening section of Bere’shith (Genesis) is traditionally considered esoteric, there being a whole class of esoteric knowledge centered around it known as ma‘aseh Bere’shith (“the work of creation”). As such, the overly literal interpretation favored by the creationists who make the most noise has never been warranted, no more that it would be appropriate to take Shir hashShirim (Song of Songs) as a mere love poem.

Today’s weird thing is a little story from Emily’s collection, included below. (Note: Fred, the fictional, evil, fourth Adelman brother, is responsible for the bad grammar.) Enjoy.


Bad News

These four men were carrying a piano up a ten story building. There were really tired and one of them said:

-- Someone go up to see how many floors we had left.

The other man said:

-- Alright. I'll go...

The guy goes up to the tenth floor.

-- Ok, if I went up 6 floors it is because we are on the fourth floor.

The man goes back to floor 4 and tells the other men:

-- I have two bad news.

-- Tell us one and then the other after we are done.

-- We still have six floors left.

So the men go up the remaining six floors and then one men asks:

-- What was the other bad news?

-- We are on the wrong building.

Monday, August 1, 2005

25 Tammuz 5765/1 August 2005: Air Force Day/Lammas/First Harvest


Political thinking: “Bad News”

Today’s weird thing is the article “Would-be nation-builders hunt for land”. In this article are mentioned a number of would-be nations people are trying to get off the ground, including the Mars Sovereignty. I must unconditionally deny the validity of the Mars Sovereignty, for I have already laid claim to Mars myself, actually having mentioned it to people and discussed with Barry the possibility of selling Martian money and titles of royalty. If the Martian Sovereignty (or any other pretender to the Martian throne) disputes my claim, we can discuss having him fight me or my representative with Nerf weapons over territory. (It’s not like future settlers of Mars are likely to respect any such claim anyway.)

Somebody please remind me to put up a tongue-in-cheek page about the Antipolitical Martian Empire, delineating the boundaries of my territory, links to information on Mars, and requesting feedback on whether anyone is interested in buying Martian money, titles of royalty, passports, T-shirts, or other Martian products.

Proposed T-shirt: “Mom and Dad went to Mars, and all I got was this crummy T-shirt”.

Bonus weird thing: The Darian System, a system of calendars for Mars and other worlds in the Solar system. This is a bad idea since 1) multiplying calendars unnecessarily is needlessly confusing, 2) people living off-Earth are going to be spending most of their time indoors, where whether it’s locally day or night is irrelevant, especially where the local day is so long the calendar artificially breaks it up into more convenient “circads”, and 3) the last thing anyone needs in a calendar is named months. Named months (and days, for that matter), are an extra burden on the memory. The Jewish calendar for a period discarded all the names for its months and referred to them only by number, so it was obvious where in the calendar any month was. The current system of month names are Babylonian and largely idolatrous in origin (e.g., Tammuz); as such, adopting them was a clear mistake. Remembering 12 month names and their order is enough of a pain; remembering 24 is really pushing it. Better just to stick to the existing Terran calendars.

Aaron, Antipolitical Martian Emperor