Monday, March 31, 2008

24 ’Adhar Sheni 5768: Bunsen Burner Day/Take Your Parents to the Playground Day

Greetings.

Related to Divine Misconceptions: “To tell or not to tell, that is the question”. The author is quite right. Statistics teaches us that there will almost inevitably be a few people who go horribly wrong, and I do hear periodically of reports of disgraceful things happening in the Orthodox Jewish community—things I most sincerely hope are distortions or completely false because they are painful. Unfortunately, pretending that everyone in one’s group is perfect (or close enough to perfect) and covering up problems can lead to tragedy, as negative publicity about the Catholic Church in recent years has demonstrated.

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing, submitted by Mom, is “Flower Garden”. The instructions she gave me for it are:
Click your mouse anywhere (& everywhere) on the

page & see what happens! Better yet, click & drag

your mouse over the black page... Enjoy!!
Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron

Friday, March 28, 2008

21 ’Adhar Sheni 5768: Mom’s birthday/International Dadaism Month/Something On A Stick Day

Greetings.

Worthy causes of the day: “Justice for the Angola 3”, “Stand up for Democracy in the Democratic Party”, and “Congress Must Protect Our Drinking Water”.

Also: Happy birthday, Mom!

Divine misconception of the day: “Parents pick prayer over docs; girl dies”. It is perfectly correct theology that “healing comes from God”. The mistake is assuming that God is going to heal people just because of their faith or prayer; this has not been observed to be correct. In His abundant mercy, God has granted us ever-increasing knowledge of biology and medicine and bestowed doctors upon us, resulting in cures where certain death or chronic illness were the case before, prevention of horrible diseases, and longer life-spans.

Today’s news and commentary, some of which Barry is responsible for:Yesterday, while at the post office, a bizarre idea occurred to me which seemed unique. However, a quick search reveals I have been beaten to it. Nevertheless, I present it to you as today’s weird thing: “1984. The Musical”. Enjoy, share the weirdness, and Shabbath shalom.

Aaron

Thursday, March 27, 2008

20 ’Adhar Sheni 5768: The Scream Day/World Wear Odd Socks Day/World Theatre Day/Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day

Greetings.

Today’s news and commentary, some of which Barry is responsible for:Today, there are probably only three people on the planet who have never heard of Hampsterdance.Com. Barbara has informed me that the little rodents have struck again in the form of today’s weird thing, “Hampsterdance: The Album”. Enjoy (or be scared or something) and share the weirdness.

Aaron

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

19 ’Adhar Sheni 5768: Spinach Festival Day/Make Up Your Own Holiday Day

Greetings.

Worthy cause of the day: “Stop Discriminatory Sentencing”.

In honor of one of today’s quasi-holidays, I hereby proclaim April 14 to be Don Quixote Day, dedicated to promoting wind power.

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is something silly sent to me by Erin, included below. Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron



Holy Prostitutes

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, ‘What may we do for you my son?’

He answers, ‘I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....’

‘Very well my son. Please follow me.’ He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, ‘Please knock on this door.’

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, ‘Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.’

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.  SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER!

Friday, March 21, 2008

14 ’Adhar 5768: Purim/Good Friday

Greetings.

Divine misconception of the day: “63 failed & 1 ambiguous end-of-the-world predictions between 30 CE and 1990 CE”. Given that people have done a lousy job already, it is best to avoid assuming anyone predicting the end of the World again know what they are talking about unless they have rock-solid evidence behind them. A flimsy interpretation of Scripture is not enough.

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is “The 50 Worst Cars of All Time”. Enjoy, share the weirdness, happy Purim, and Shabbath shalom.

Aaron

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

12 ’Adhar Sheni 5768: Poultry Day/Act Happy Week

Greetings.

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is the somewhat morbid Who's Alive and Who's Dead. I am not listed at this site, which I take as a good sign. Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

11 ’Adhar Sheni 5768: Spacewalk Day/Awkward Moments Day

Greetings.

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is a two-liner from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron



A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the manager, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.”

The banker said, “Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.”

Monday, March 17, 2008

Sunday, March 16, 2008

9 ’Adhar Ri’shon 5768: Palm Sunday/National Artichoke Hearts Day

Greetings.

Divine misconception of the day: “Indians seeking vision harm sight”. How many times do I have to say it? Piety does not provide protection from stupidity!

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is Phonespelling.com. Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron

Friday, March 14, 2008

7 ’Adhar Sheni 5768: Pi Day/National Potato Chip Day

Greetings.

NOTE: One week until Purim!

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is “A Clockwork Guitar - The Steampunk Stratocaster”. Enjoy, share the weirdness, and Shabbath shalom.

Aaron

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

5 ’Adhar Ri’shon 5768: Girl Scout Day

Greetings.

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is something Mom forwarded to me, included below. Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron


CHUCKLE!!!

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.   

EVER WONDER ....

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?    

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?    

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?   

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?   

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?   

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?   

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?   

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?    

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?   

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?   

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!   

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?  

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?   

------------------

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

Monday, March 10, 2008

3 ’Adhar Sheni 5768: National Workplace Napping Day

Greetings.

Note: Blogger has been having trouble for the past few days, so you’re getting hit with a lot of stuff at once.

Worthy cause of the day: “Save the 2009 Budget”.

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is “Parking Meter Headstone”. Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron

Thursday, March 6, 2008

29 ’Adhar Ri’shon 5768: National Book Day/National Frozen Food Day/Name Tag Day

Greetings.

Worthy cause of the day: Remote Area Medical (Submitted by Barry.)

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is something silly from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron



Things You Never Say to a Cop

1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

3. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job!

5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

7. Bad Cop! No donut!

8. You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?

9. Gee, that gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.

10. Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend’s nightstand.

12. I pay your salary!

13. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

14. Gee, Officer! That’s terrific. The last Officer only gave me a warning, too!

15. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

16. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around—that’s how far ahead of me they are.

17. What do you mean, “Have I been drinking?” You’re the trained specialist.

18. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, and forcing me to speed out of control.

19. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That’s nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

Monday, March 3, 2008

26 ’Adhar Ri’shon 5768: What if Cats and Dogs has opposable Thumbs day/Read Across America Day/Fun Facts About Names Day

Greetings.

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird things are everything the YouTube GuitarViols Channel. GuitarViols are a variation on the old arpeggione/viol concept; they are essentially guitars which can be played with a bow like a violin. (And I know they look something like game pods from eXistenZ, but there seems to be an ergonomic logic to the look. And this is one of the cooler directions in which the guitar can be developed.) Some of the material is mostly of interest to those interested in musical instrument construction, but there are also musical demos, too, e.g.:




Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron