Political updates:
- “FCC Issues Rule Allowing FBI to Dictate Wiretap-Friendly Design for Internet Services”
- “'Health Chips' Could Help Patients in US”
- “Some Doubt Guilt of Executed Man in Mo.”
Aaron
Sunday, August 7, 2005
2 'Av 5765/7 August 2005: Sea Serpent Day/Hamburger Day
Greetings.
Political updates:
Aaron
Political updates:
Aaron
Friday, August 5, 2005
29 Tammuz 5765/5 August 2005: National Mustard Day
Greetings.
Notice: This Shabbath begins the Nine Days, a period of mourning for the destruction of the Temple. To get in the proper mood, during this time there will be no fun weird things. All postings during this time will be downright political, or perhaps something sad, historical, or philosophizing.
Political thinking: “Fighting Terrorism: Recommendations of Arab Reformists”.
Today’s weird thing is a little something I received from both Ruth and Emily, and is included below. (Note: Spelling corrections have been made.) Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in linoleum blown apart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of the feet.
The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
Notice: This Shabbath begins the Nine Days, a period of mourning for the destruction of the Temple. To get in the proper mood, during this time there will be no fun weird things. All postings during this time will be downright political, or perhaps something sad, historical, or philosophizing.
Political thinking: “Fighting Terrorism: Recommendations of Arab Reformists”.
Today’s weird thing is a little something I received from both Ruth and Emily, and is included below. (Note: Spelling corrections have been made.) Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in linoleum blown apart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of the feet.
The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
Thursday, August 4, 2005
28 Tammuz 5765/4 August 2005: Coast Guard Day
Greetings.
Worthy causes of the day: Teach Kids Peace, which has information on the tragic state of education of Stateless Arab (“Palestinian”) education (teaching hatred and glorifying suicide bombing) and petition calling on the US, Canada, the EU, the Arab League, and the UN to put pressure on the “Palestinian Authority” to stop to the brain-washing and teach peace and coexistence. Thank you, Barry, for suggesting this site.
Also, MoveOn.org is requesting funds to prepare for the elections in 2006.
Today’s weird thing is “Join the battle of the planet names”. Yes, you, too, can suggest a name for 2003 UB313 (Sol X?). The name the discoverers used informally was “Xena” (I know the reference, and I cannot make something like that up), but they submitted another name to the International Astronomical Union. The latter name is currently being kept secret, but the people at New Scientist are asking for suggestions anyway. I suggested “Purple” in honor of the late Fred Rogers, with “Dave” (from the TV show Alf) as an alternative, noting that they would have to name 2003 EL61 “Alvin”. Enjoy.
Aaron
Worthy causes of the day: Teach Kids Peace, which has information on the tragic state of education of Stateless Arab (“Palestinian”) education (teaching hatred and glorifying suicide bombing) and petition calling on the US, Canada, the EU, the Arab League, and the UN to put pressure on the “Palestinian Authority” to stop to the brain-washing and teach peace and coexistence. Thank you, Barry, for suggesting this site.
Also, MoveOn.org is requesting funds to prepare for the elections in 2006.
Today’s weird thing is “Join the battle of the planet names”. Yes, you, too, can suggest a name for 2003 UB313 (Sol X?). The name the discoverers used informally was “Xena” (I know the reference, and I cannot make something like that up), but they submitted another name to the International Astronomical Union. The latter name is currently being kept secret, but the people at New Scientist are asking for suggestions anyway. I suggested “Purple” in honor of the late Fred Rogers, with “Dave” (from the TV show Alf) as an alternative, noting that they would have to name 2003 EL61 “Alvin”. Enjoy.
Aaron
Wednesday, August 3, 2005
27 Tammuz 5765/3 August 2005: National Watermelon Day
Greetings.
Sanhedhrin update: רבני הסנהדרין: יש מצוות מסירות נפש בהצלת ישובי גוש קטיף. Summary: The rabbis of the proto-Sanhedhrin are against the disengagement.
American religio-political update: “Bush: Intelligent Design Should Be Taught”. This, of course, is against the US Constitution, specifically the First Amendment, which says “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”. “Intelligent design” is merely creationism dressed up to look more secular. As such, teaching “intelligent design” in public schools is not appropriate. If parents think it important that their kids believe in “intelligent design”, it is their responsibility to teach them themselves.
Side-note: Any scientist knows that “intelligent design” is bad science, attempting to force reality to fit preconceptions rather than the other way around. I dispute that creationמשק/“intelligent design” is even good religion. The opening section of Bere’shith (Genesis) is traditionally considered esoteric, there being a whole class of esoteric knowledge centered around it known as ma‘aseh Bere’shith (“the work of creation”). As such, the overly literal interpretation favored by the creationists who make the most noise has never been warranted, no more that it would be appropriate to take Shir hashShirim (Song of Songs) as a mere love poem.
Today’s weird thing is a little story from Emily’s collection, included below. (Note: Fred, the fictional, evil, fourth Adelman brother, is responsible for the bad grammar.) Enjoy.
Aaron
Bad News
These four men were carrying a piano up a ten story building. There were really tired and one of them said:
-- Someone go up to see how many floors we had left.
The other man said:
-- Alright. I'll go...
The guy goes up to the tenth floor.
-- Ok, if I went up 6 floors it is because we are on the fourth floor.
The man goes back to floor 4 and tells the other men:
-- I have two bad news.
-- Tell us one and then the other after we are done.
-- We still have six floors left.
So the men go up the remaining six floors and then one men asks:
-- What was the other bad news?
-- We are on the wrong building.
Sanhedhrin update: רבני הסנהדרין: יש מצוות מסירות נפש בהצלת ישובי גוש קטיף. Summary: The rabbis of the proto-Sanhedhrin are against the disengagement.
American religio-political update: “Bush: Intelligent Design Should Be Taught”. This, of course, is against the US Constitution, specifically the First Amendment, which says “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”. “Intelligent design” is merely creationism dressed up to look more secular. As such, teaching “intelligent design” in public schools is not appropriate. If parents think it important that their kids believe in “intelligent design”, it is their responsibility to teach them themselves.
Side-note: Any scientist knows that “intelligent design” is bad science, attempting to force reality to fit preconceptions rather than the other way around. I dispute that creationמשק/“intelligent design” is even good religion. The opening section of Bere’shith (Genesis) is traditionally considered esoteric, there being a whole class of esoteric knowledge centered around it known as ma‘aseh Bere’shith (“the work of creation”). As such, the overly literal interpretation favored by the creationists who make the most noise has never been warranted, no more that it would be appropriate to take Shir hashShirim (Song of Songs) as a mere love poem.
Today’s weird thing is a little story from Emily’s collection, included below. (Note: Fred, the fictional, evil, fourth Adelman brother, is responsible for the bad grammar.) Enjoy.
Aaron
Bad News
These four men were carrying a piano up a ten story building. There were really tired and one of them said:
-- Someone go up to see how many floors we had left.
The other man said:
-- Alright. I'll go...
The guy goes up to the tenth floor.
-- Ok, if I went up 6 floors it is because we are on the fourth floor.
The man goes back to floor 4 and tells the other men:
-- I have two bad news.
-- Tell us one and then the other after we are done.
-- We still have six floors left.
So the men go up the remaining six floors and then one men asks:
-- What was the other bad news?
-- We are on the wrong building.
Tuesday, August 2, 2005
26 Tammuz 5765/2 August 2005: The Top Ten Favorite Words (Not in the Dictionary)
Greetings.
Political update: “Terror on the rise despite 'tahdiya'”.
Today’s weird thing is the Top Ten Favorite Words (Not in the Dictionary). Enjoy.
Aaron
Political update: “Terror on the rise despite 'tahdiya'”.
Today’s weird thing is the Top Ten Favorite Words (Not in the Dictionary). Enjoy.
Aaron
Monday, August 1, 2005
25 Tammuz 5765/1 August 2005: Air Force Day/Lammas/First Harvest
Greetings.
Political thinking: “Bad News”
Today’s weird thing is the article “Would-be nation-builders hunt for land”. In this article are mentioned a number of would-be nations people are trying to get off the ground, including the Mars Sovereignty. I must unconditionally deny the validity of the Mars Sovereignty, for I have already laid claim to Mars myself, actually having mentioned it to people and discussed with Barry the possibility of selling Martian money and titles of royalty. If the Martian Sovereignty (or any other pretender to the Martian throne) disputes my claim, we can discuss having him fight me or my representative with Nerf weapons over territory. (It’s not like future settlers of Mars are likely to respect any such claim anyway.)
Somebody please remind me to put up a tongue-in-cheek page about the Antipolitical Martian Empire, delineating the boundaries of my territory, links to information on Mars, and requesting feedback on whether anyone is interested in buying Martian money, titles of royalty, passports, T-shirts, or other Martian products.
Proposed T-shirt: “Mom and Dad went to Mars, and all I got was this crummy T-shirt”.
Bonus weird thing: The Darian System, a system of calendars for Mars and other worlds in the Solar system. This is a bad idea since 1) multiplying calendars unnecessarily is needlessly confusing, 2) people living off-Earth are going to be spending most of their time indoors, where whether it’s locally day or night is irrelevant, especially where the local day is so long the calendar artificially breaks it up into more convenient “circads”, and 3) the last thing anyone needs in a calendar is named months. Named months (and days, for that matter), are an extra burden on the memory. The Jewish calendar for a period discarded all the names for its months and referred to them only by number, so it was obvious where in the calendar any month was. The current system of month names are Babylonian and largely idolatrous in origin (e.g., Tammuz); as such, adopting them was a clear mistake. Remembering 12 month names and their order is enough of a pain; remembering 24 is really pushing it. Better just to stick to the existing Terran calendars.
Aaron, Antipolitical Martian Emperor
Political thinking: “Bad News”
Today’s weird thing is the article “Would-be nation-builders hunt for land”. In this article are mentioned a number of would-be nations people are trying to get off the ground, including the Mars Sovereignty. I must unconditionally deny the validity of the Mars Sovereignty, for I have already laid claim to Mars myself, actually having mentioned it to people and discussed with Barry the possibility of selling Martian money and titles of royalty. If the Martian Sovereignty (or any other pretender to the Martian throne) disputes my claim, we can discuss having him fight me or my representative with Nerf weapons over territory. (It’s not like future settlers of Mars are likely to respect any such claim anyway.)
Somebody please remind me to put up a tongue-in-cheek page about the Antipolitical Martian Empire, delineating the boundaries of my territory, links to information on Mars, and requesting feedback on whether anyone is interested in buying Martian money, titles of royalty, passports, T-shirts, or other Martian products.
Proposed T-shirt: “Mom and Dad went to Mars, and all I got was this crummy T-shirt”.
Bonus weird thing: The Darian System, a system of calendars for Mars and other worlds in the Solar system. This is a bad idea since 1) multiplying calendars unnecessarily is needlessly confusing, 2) people living off-Earth are going to be spending most of their time indoors, where whether it’s locally day or night is irrelevant, especially where the local day is so long the calendar artificially breaks it up into more convenient “circads”, and 3) the last thing anyone needs in a calendar is named months. Named months (and days, for that matter), are an extra burden on the memory. The Jewish calendar for a period discarded all the names for its months and referred to them only by number, so it was obvious where in the calendar any month was. The current system of month names are Babylonian and largely idolatrous in origin (e.g., Tammuz); as such, adopting them was a clear mistake. Remembering 12 month names and their order is enough of a pain; remembering 24 is really pushing it. Better just to stick to the existing Terran calendars.
Aaron, Antipolitical Martian Emperor
Sunday, July 31, 2005
24 Tammuz 5765/31 July 2005: Our planet needs a new name
Greetings.
Weird news: “Mystery Tree Planter Strikes Again” (I cannot make stuff like this up!”)
If you have been paying attention to the news, you will know that two sizable Kupier Belt objects, 2003 EL61 and 2003 UB313 have been discovered recently, the later of which is being pushed as a candidate for the title of the tenth planet. (Expect a big fight on this, especially since the term “planet” has no accepted definition.) Actual names for these objects have not been given yet, though intuition suggests that “Proserpine” or its Greek equivalent “Persephone” is likely, as this name has been suggested before in science-fiction. (The suggestions “Dave” and “Alvin”, from the TV show Alf, are way too silly for actual use.)
This leads me to think: our own planet needs a better name. “Earth”, which literally means “dirt”, is due purely to a historical accident: we labeled that part of the world we live on “earth”, and then before we knew it, the term was applied to the whole planet. The adjectival form, “Earthling”, is just downright silly. We really need to rethink this, because if we don’t, all the other civilizations we come into contact with are going to make fun of us. Therefore, let me make a couple of suggestions:
Aaron
Weird news: “Mystery Tree Planter Strikes Again” (I cannot make stuff like this up!”)
If you have been paying attention to the news, you will know that two sizable Kupier Belt objects, 2003 EL61 and 2003 UB313 have been discovered recently, the later of which is being pushed as a candidate for the title of the tenth planet. (Expect a big fight on this, especially since the term “planet” has no accepted definition.) Actual names for these objects have not been given yet, though intuition suggests that “Proserpine” or its Greek equivalent “Persephone” is likely, as this name has been suggested before in science-fiction. (The suggestions “Dave” and “Alvin”, from the TV show Alf, are way too silly for actual use.)
This leads me to think: our own planet needs a better name. “Earth”, which literally means “dirt”, is due purely to a historical accident: we labeled that part of the world we live on “earth”, and then before we knew it, the term was applied to the whole planet. The adjectival form, “Earthling”, is just downright silly. We really need to rethink this, because if we don’t, all the other civilizations we come into contact with are going to make fun of us. Therefore, let me make a couple of suggestions:
- Terra, with our primary star being Sol and our natural satellite being Luna. I am well aware these are just the Latin forms, but these names have precedent and are different enough to hide the meanings from non-Latin-speaking aliens.
- Huma or Humania. These are back-formations from the accepted English name of our species, “human”. No one will think it remarkable that humans come from Huma or Humania.
- Human-Homeworld or Homo sapiens-Homeworld.
- Blueworld. This grows out of the fact that Rabbinic Hebrew changed the term for the Sun from hashShemesh to haHammah (“the Hot One”) and the term for the Moon from hayYareah to halLevanah (“the White One”) to avoid residual idolatrous connotations. According to this logic, our planet should be hakKeholah, “the Blue One”, or massaged into English, Blueworld. This highlights our planet’s beautiful appearance from space. A side benefit of this would be that our planetary anthem would be a song by the Blue Man Group. It also lessens the chances that if we choose a planetary clothing style that we will all end up wearing mylar.
- Aaron’s World. This is a long-shot, but I figure it’s worth proposing anyway.
Aaron
Friday, July 29, 2005
22 Tammuz 5765/29 July 2005: Slogan-writing and Mac Mini hacking
Greetings.
Cause of the day: Fire Karl Rove Slogan Contest.
Today’s weird thing is a mildly strange hack. Namely, someone wanted a server with an uninterruptible power supply and thus added an internal battery to a Mac Mini. Apparently buying an iBook would have been too easy. Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
Cause of the day: Fire Karl Rove Slogan Contest.
Today’s weird thing is a mildly strange hack. Namely, someone wanted a server with an uninterruptible power supply and thus added an internal battery to a Mac Mini. Apparently buying an iBook would have been too easy. Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
Thursday, July 28, 2005
21 Tammuz 5765/28 July 2005: National Drive-Thru Day
Greetings.
Political commentary: The other day I saw a Gilbert and Sullivan tape and on it was a song from “H.M.S. Pinafore” sung by Sir Joseph Porter which reminded me of how political appointments (such as in the Bush administration) often work. If I may quote:
WARNING: Do any on the stuff mentioned in today’s weird thing at your own risk. If you do any of this stuff and it has adverse consequences, yet you complain to me anyway, you implicitly agree to allow me or my representatives to throw Gund Snuffles bears at you.
Enjoy.
Aaron
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
8. Dont use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
"And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
20. Send this e-mail to someone to make them smile...it's called therapy...
Political commentary: The other day I saw a Gilbert and Sullivan tape and on it was a song from “H.M.S. Pinafore” sung by Sir Joseph Porter which reminded me of how political appointments (such as in the Bush administration) often work. If I may quote:
- When I was a lad I served a term
As office boy to an Attorney's firm.
I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor,
And I polished up the handle of the big front door.
I polished up that handle so carefullee
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!
CHORUS. -- He polished, etc.
As office boy I made such a mark
That they gave me the post of a junior clerk.
I served the writs with a smile so bland,
And I copied all the letters in a big round hand--
I copied all the letters in a hand so free,
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!
CHORUS. -- He copied, etc.
In serving writs I made such a name
That an articled clerk I soon became;
I wore clean collars and a brand-new suit
For the pass examination at the Institute,
And that pass examination did so well for me,
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!
CHORUS. -- And that pass examination, etc.
Of legal knowledge I acquired such a grip
That they took me into the partnership.
And that junior partnership, I ween,
Was the only ship that I ever had seen.
But that kind of ship so suited me,
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!
CHORUS. -- But that kind, etc.
I grew so rich that I was sent
By a pocket borough into Parliament.
I always voted at my party's call,
And I never thought of thinking for myself at all.
I thought so little, they rewarded me
By making me the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!
CHORUS. -- He thought so little, etc.
Now landsmen all, whoever you may be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool,
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule--
Stick close to your desks and never go to sea,
And you all may be rulers of the Queen's Navee!
CHORUS. -- Stick close, etc.
WARNING: Do any on the stuff mentioned in today’s weird thing at your own risk. If you do any of this stuff and it has adverse consequences, yet you complain to me anyway, you implicitly agree to allow me or my representatives to throw Gund Snuffles bears at you.
Enjoy.
Aaron
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
8. Dont use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
"And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
20. Send this e-mail to someone to make them smile...it's called therapy...
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
20 Tammuz 5765/27 July 2005: Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
Greetings.
Today’s weird thing, randomly chosen from a folder full of stuff like many weird things of the day, comes from Emily’s collection and is included below. You can ask Barry how accurate it is. Enjoy.
Aaron
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
Today’s weird thing, randomly chosen from a folder full of stuff like many weird things of the day, comes from Emily’s collection and is included below. You can ask Barry how accurate it is. Enjoy.
Aaron
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
- SCHIZOPHRENIA:
Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
We Three Queens Disoriented Are
DEMENTIA:
I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas
NARCISSISTIC:
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
MANIC:
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores
and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire
Hydrants and...
PARANOID:
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER:
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell
you Why.
DEPRESSION:
Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER:
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle
Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock............(better start again)
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY:
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then
took it all away).
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.
Happy Holidays!!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
19 Tammuz 5765/26 July 2005: Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus
Greetings.
Still in zombie mode. Unsure how I’m managing to get anything done.
Political update: “GOP Senators Push Detainee Treatment Rules”, i.e., McCain is breaking rank with the GOP and pushing for humane treatment of the prisoners at Guantanamo, which Bush and co. are dead-set against.
Today’s weird thing is the article “Santas From Across Globe Meet in Denmark”, which notes that there really is a Santa Claus, though perhaps not in the sense you might be expecting. Enjoy.
Aaron
Still in zombie mode. Unsure how I’m managing to get anything done.
Political update: “GOP Senators Push Detainee Treatment Rules”, i.e., McCain is breaking rank with the GOP and pushing for humane treatment of the prisoners at Guantanamo, which Bush and co. are dead-set against.
Today’s weird thing is the article “Santas From Across Globe Meet in Denmark”, which notes that there really is a Santa Claus, though perhaps not in the sense you might be expecting. Enjoy.
Aaron
Monday, July 25, 2005
18 Tammuz 5765/25 July 2005: Sysadmin Day
Greetings.
Personal news: I have submitted the winning punch-line to another Sev Wide Web cartoon contest That puts my total up to three so far.
Weird health news: “Maggot Treatment Saves Mich. Woman's Foot” (I cannot make this up!)
In honor of Sysadmin Day, today’s weird thing is an item from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
Computer One Line Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DIVORCE.BAT found... deleting C:
Hard Disk space: the final frontier!
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!
COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Hold a hard drive to your ear -- listen to the C:
I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
I am logged in, therefore I am.
I are Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem.
I know I'm supposed to back up my files, but I still haven't found reverse on my PC.
I was going to switch her to DOS, but she had a gun
I'll give up my Windows 3.1 when they pry my cold, dead fingers off the mouse.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
If you read in the bathroom, is that multitasking?
In my next life I'm going to have more memory installed
Intel - still number 0.999873464508.
ISDN: I Still Don't kNow
ISDN: Idiot Services you Don't Need
It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups.
Klingon prompt: strike any user when ready.
Manual Writer's Creed: Garbage in, gospel out.
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
MicroSloth: "Bringing you ten-year-old technology, tomorrow, maybe."
MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
Multitasking - screwing up several things at once.
My computer NEVERcras@#%^TU*NO CARRIER
My Go this amn keyboar oesn't have any 's.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Nerd: someone on the Dork Side of the Farce.
Network: anything reticulated or decussated at equal intervals, with interstices between the intersections.
Never trust a computer you can't lift. - Stan Masor
Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window. - S. Hunt
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources.
One person's error is another person's data.
One picture is worth 128K.
Our system is very reliable. Nothing ever goes wr[} _+=~'{?>.(#$%{!`'?;f;fkj;uiutoiun;gt;to;g;g;t
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.
Programming is an art form that fights back.
RAM disk is not an installation procedure.
Real programs don't eat cache.
Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
Smith & Wesson - The ultimate "Point-and-Click" Interface...
Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.
System halted. Press Enter key to continue.
System has erased all work in progress. Press any key to ignore and continue.
System has violated data integrity. Delete all data? Y/y __
The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the
programmer.
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The name is Baud... James Baud
Personal news: I have submitted the winning punch-line to another Sev Wide Web cartoon contest That puts my total up to three so far.
Weird health news: “Maggot Treatment Saves Mich. Woman's Foot” (I cannot make this up!)
In honor of Sysadmin Day, today’s weird thing is an item from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
Computer One Line Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DIVORCE.BAT found... deleting C:
Hard Disk space: the final frontier!
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!
COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Hold a hard drive to your ear -- listen to the C:
I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
I am logged in, therefore I am.
I are Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem.
I know I'm supposed to back up my files, but I still haven't found reverse on my PC.
I was going to switch her to DOS, but she had a gun
I'll give up my Windows 3.1 when they pry my cold, dead fingers off the mouse.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
If you read in the bathroom, is that multitasking?
In my next life I'm going to have more memory installed
Intel - still number 0.999873464508.
ISDN: I Still Don't kNow
ISDN: Idiot Services you Don't Need
It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups.
Klingon prompt: strike any user when ready.
Manual Writer's Creed: Garbage in, gospel out.
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
MicroSloth: "Bringing you ten-year-old technology, tomorrow, maybe."
MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
Multitasking - screwing up several things at once.
My computer NEVER
My Go this amn keyboar oesn't have any 's.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Nerd: someone on the Dork Side of the Farce.
Network: anything reticulated or decussated at equal intervals, with interstices between the intersections.
Never trust a computer you can't lift. - Stan Masor
Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window. - S. Hunt
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources.
One person's error is another person's data.
One picture is worth 128K.
Our system is very reliable. Nothing ever goes wr[} _+=~'{?>.(#$%{!`'?;f;fkj;uiutoiun;gt;to;g;g;t
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.
Programming is an art form that fights back.
RAM disk is not an installation procedure.
Real programs don't eat cache.
Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
Smith & Wesson - The ultimate "Point-and-Click" Interface...
Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.
System halted. Press Enter key to continue.
System has erased all work in progress. Press any key to ignore and continue.
System has violated data integrity. Delete all data? Y/y __
The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the
programmer.
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The name is Baud... James Baud
Sunday, July 24, 2005
17 Tammuz 5765/24 July 2005: Fast Commemorating the Breaching of the Walls of Jerusalem
Greetings.
Today is a fast day, when silliness, which is liable to come up in many weird things, is not really appropriate. As such, in lieu of a proper weird thing, you are getting a draft unilateral peace plan for Israel I have created, included below. This is an unusual in that 1) it is purely unilateral with only Israel’s involvement being necessary and 2) unlike other peace plans, it is designed to bring about peace and not foolish try to bribe aggressors.
Aaron
Solving the Israeli-“Palestinian” conflict
So far all “peace plans” to end the Israeli-“Palestinian” conflict have been miserable failures. The sole cause of this has been that the “Palestinians” have consistently failed to live up to their obligations and instead have interpreted making an agreement as an opportunity to engage in acts of terrorism. Since this is war, let it be treated thusly. To this end, I am proposing a purely unilateral plan whose aim is to actually bring an end to the Israeli-“Palestinian” conflict, presented below. Note “unilateral”; agreement of the “Palestinians” or any third party is unnecessary and highly unlikely anyway.
International directives:
1. Pay no attention to what other countries and organizations say. This includes the US, the EU, the UN, and every Muslim state. These have historically tended to get in the way of problem-solving and have done what they could to prolong the conflict, often deliberately, for short-term political gain.
2. Diplomats who support prolonging the conflict will be deemed persona non grata and be given 24 hours to leave Israel.
3. Countries and groups working against Israel will receive no favors, periods.
4. New slogan of Israel: “WE DON’T CARE.” This will be displayed prominently wherever appropriate.
National directives:
1. The use of the term “Palestinian” will be terminated. That term only exists to perpetuate lies without the least historical basis. The people to whom the misnomer is applied today are descendants of Syrians, Jordanians, and Egyptians who were dishonorably abandoned behind enemy liens after their own countries started unprovoked wars so they could be used as pawns in an Orwellian game. Henceforth these people will be known as “Stateless Arabs”. If they object, they will be known as “Losers”. Their choice.
2. All security measures to keep Israel safe will be done without regard to the Stateless Arabs approve or find them convenient. They are responsible for such measures being needed; let them bear the burden.
3. Judea, Samaria, and Gaza will be annexed immediately and unconditionally. The Arabs attacked Israel. They lost the wars and territory. Let them get over it.
4. Due to their history of terrorism, supporting terrorism, and tolerating terrorism and violence, all Stateless Arabs who even express the slightest approval of any antisocial behavior will be deemed persona non grata and given 24 hours to leave Israel. This goes double for any of them who act antisocial, especially violently. If they do not leave on their own, they will be shot with a tranquilizer dart, stuffed in a crate, and shipped to France. (France loves such people; therefore they can have them.)
5. All Stateless Arabs will be forbidden to own weapons of any kind. They will have 24 hours to surrender them. After than, any Stateless Arab possessing a weapon will deported to France.
6. All Stateless Arabs will be encouraged to emigrate. A calculation will be made how much it costs to protect Israel from each Stateless Arab per year. Any Stateless Arab who emigrates will be entitled to that amount. Those who decide to come back for any reason will pay double that amount or be denied entry.
7. The only official language of Israel will be Hebrew, with English as the acknowledged international language. Everything official will be done in Hebrew—road signs, tax forms, education, driver registration, everything. Use of Arabic will be discouraged, and it will not be taught in schools. If the Stateless Arabs do not like it, they can leave.
8. All Arab, Islamic, and Arabic broadcasts will be blocked.
9. Israelis will be allowed to live anywhere in Israel, including Judea, Samaria, and Gaza. There be will no Jew-free regions. Stateless Arabs who object to Jews living anywhere will be deported.
10. All religions sites with any non-Muslim claim will be completely removed from Muslim control. There will be no exceptions. The first of these will be the Temple Mount. The waqf currently in charge will be dissolved. All those who participated in the wholesale destruction of Temple Mount artifacts will be prosecuted. All Islamic structures on the Temple Mount will be unceremoniously demolished, the blocked gates will be opened, and that cemetery moved. A proper archaeological examination of the Mount will be held, and the Temple will be rebuilt as soon as reasonably possible.
11. There will be no talk of giving even the slightest amount of self-rule to Stateless Arabs until they have learned to behave themselves.
Today is a fast day, when silliness, which is liable to come up in many weird things, is not really appropriate. As such, in lieu of a proper weird thing, you are getting a draft unilateral peace plan for Israel I have created, included below. This is an unusual in that 1) it is purely unilateral with only Israel’s involvement being necessary and 2) unlike other peace plans, it is designed to bring about peace and not foolish try to bribe aggressors.
Aaron
Solving the Israeli-“Palestinian” conflict
So far all “peace plans” to end the Israeli-“Palestinian” conflict have been miserable failures. The sole cause of this has been that the “Palestinians” have consistently failed to live up to their obligations and instead have interpreted making an agreement as an opportunity to engage in acts of terrorism. Since this is war, let it be treated thusly. To this end, I am proposing a purely unilateral plan whose aim is to actually bring an end to the Israeli-“Palestinian” conflict, presented below. Note “unilateral”; agreement of the “Palestinians” or any third party is unnecessary and highly unlikely anyway.
International directives:
1. Pay no attention to what other countries and organizations say. This includes the US, the EU, the UN, and every Muslim state. These have historically tended to get in the way of problem-solving and have done what they could to prolong the conflict, often deliberately, for short-term political gain.
2. Diplomats who support prolonging the conflict will be deemed persona non grata and be given 24 hours to leave Israel.
3. Countries and groups working against Israel will receive no favors, periods.
4. New slogan of Israel: “WE DON’T CARE.” This will be displayed prominently wherever appropriate.
National directives:
1. The use of the term “Palestinian” will be terminated. That term only exists to perpetuate lies without the least historical basis. The people to whom the misnomer is applied today are descendants of Syrians, Jordanians, and Egyptians who were dishonorably abandoned behind enemy liens after their own countries started unprovoked wars so they could be used as pawns in an Orwellian game. Henceforth these people will be known as “Stateless Arabs”. If they object, they will be known as “Losers”. Their choice.
2. All security measures to keep Israel safe will be done without regard to the Stateless Arabs approve or find them convenient. They are responsible for such measures being needed; let them bear the burden.
3. Judea, Samaria, and Gaza will be annexed immediately and unconditionally. The Arabs attacked Israel. They lost the wars and territory. Let them get over it.
4. Due to their history of terrorism, supporting terrorism, and tolerating terrorism and violence, all Stateless Arabs who even express the slightest approval of any antisocial behavior will be deemed persona non grata and given 24 hours to leave Israel. This goes double for any of them who act antisocial, especially violently. If they do not leave on their own, they will be shot with a tranquilizer dart, stuffed in a crate, and shipped to France. (France loves such people; therefore they can have them.)
5. All Stateless Arabs will be forbidden to own weapons of any kind. They will have 24 hours to surrender them. After than, any Stateless Arab possessing a weapon will deported to France.
6. All Stateless Arabs will be encouraged to emigrate. A calculation will be made how much it costs to protect Israel from each Stateless Arab per year. Any Stateless Arab who emigrates will be entitled to that amount. Those who decide to come back for any reason will pay double that amount or be denied entry.
7. The only official language of Israel will be Hebrew, with English as the acknowledged international language. Everything official will be done in Hebrew—road signs, tax forms, education, driver registration, everything. Use of Arabic will be discouraged, and it will not be taught in schools. If the Stateless Arabs do not like it, they can leave.
8. All Arab, Islamic, and Arabic broadcasts will be blocked.
9. Israelis will be allowed to live anywhere in Israel, including Judea, Samaria, and Gaza. There be will no Jew-free regions. Stateless Arabs who object to Jews living anywhere will be deported.
10. All religions sites with any non-Muslim claim will be completely removed from Muslim control. There will be no exceptions. The first of these will be the Temple Mount. The waqf currently in charge will be dissolved. All those who participated in the wholesale destruction of Temple Mount artifacts will be prosecuted. All Islamic structures on the Temple Mount will be unceremoniously demolished, the blocked gates will be opened, and that cemetery moved. A proper archaeological examination of the Mount will be held, and the Temple will be rebuilt as soon as reasonably possible.
11. There will be no talk of giving even the slightest amount of self-rule to Stateless Arabs until they have learned to behave themselves.
Friday, July 22, 2005
15 Tammuz 5765/22 July 2005: "I'm eating what?"
Political update: See Backspin for information on various political shenanigans. I finally got around to putting it in the sidebar under “Recommended reading”.
Today’s weird thing is the article “Burgers from a lab? Study says it's possible”. I don’t know whether or not to be scared by the idea of cultured meat, and I really don’t know whether it would be kasher or not.
Shabbath shalom.
Aaron.
Today’s weird thing is the article “Burgers from a lab? Study says it's possible”. I don’t know whether or not to be scared by the idea of cultured meat, and I really don’t know whether it would be kasher or not.
Shabbath shalom.
Aaron.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
14 Tammuz 5765/21 July 2005: National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day
Greetings.
Today’s weird thing is a little something from Emily’s collection and included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
Dear Dogs:
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets.
1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups.
The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep.
Today’s weird thing is a little something from Emily’s collection and included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
Dear Dogs:
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets.
1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups.
The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
13 Tammuz 5765/20 July 2005: Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics
Greetings.
Worthy cause of the day: There’s a new MoveOn.org petition on-line. Please sign and show the Senate that George W. Bush’s nominee to the Supreme Court, John Roberts, is not acceptable to the American people and thus must be opposed.
Due to inspiration from something I was watching last night, today’s weird thing is Intuitor Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics. Even if you don’t understand all the physics jargon, much of the articles are comprehensible to mere mortals. This includes reviews to movies with various levels of physics quality.
Scene I just wrote inspired by one of the reviews:
GREEN GOBLIN: So, Dr. Octopus—
DR. OCTOPUS: That’s Dr. Otto Octavius to you. We’re not on a nickname basis.
GREEN GOBLIN: So Dr. Octavius, what makes you think you can take down the Hulk?
DR. OCTOPUS: When Dr. Banner changes into the Incredible Hulk, he gets bigger. That means he gets less dense or has to acquire more mass. The former is unlikely, since he gets stronger. Since we don’t see him gulping dirt or rocks whenever he starts turning green, I can only think of one possibility where the extra mass comes from.
GREEN GOBLIN: What’s that?
DR. OCTOPUS: Watch this.
Dr. Octopus produces a pincushion from his pocket and grabs a pin with one of his artificial arms. He then approaches the Hulk, who is busy smashing a Windows machine.
HULK: MACHINE GIVE HULK BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH! NOW MACHINE DIE!
DR. OCTOPUS: Hey, Hulk.
HULK: What?
Dr. Octopus sticks the pin into the Hulk. A popping noise is heard, and the Hulk, growing smaller, is blown all over the place, screaming.
GREEN GOBLIN: Uh, yeah, I knew that’s how he did it all along.
DR. OCTOPUS: Uh-huh.
Enjoy.
Aaron
Worthy cause of the day: There’s a new MoveOn.org petition on-line. Please sign and show the Senate that George W. Bush’s nominee to the Supreme Court, John Roberts, is not acceptable to the American people and thus must be opposed.
Due to inspiration from something I was watching last night, today’s weird thing is Intuitor Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics. Even if you don’t understand all the physics jargon, much of the articles are comprehensible to mere mortals. This includes reviews to movies with various levels of physics quality.
Scene I just wrote inspired by one of the reviews:
GREEN GOBLIN: So, Dr. Octopus—
DR. OCTOPUS: That’s Dr. Otto Octavius to you. We’re not on a nickname basis.
GREEN GOBLIN: So Dr. Octavius, what makes you think you can take down the Hulk?
DR. OCTOPUS: When Dr. Banner changes into the Incredible Hulk, he gets bigger. That means he gets less dense or has to acquire more mass. The former is unlikely, since he gets stronger. Since we don’t see him gulping dirt or rocks whenever he starts turning green, I can only think of one possibility where the extra mass comes from.
GREEN GOBLIN: What’s that?
DR. OCTOPUS: Watch this.
Dr. Octopus produces a pincushion from his pocket and grabs a pin with one of his artificial arms. He then approaches the Hulk, who is busy smashing a Windows machine.
HULK: MACHINE GIVE HULK BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH! NOW MACHINE DIE!
DR. OCTOPUS: Hey, Hulk.
HULK: What?
Dr. Octopus sticks the pin into the Hulk. A popping noise is heard, and the Hulk, growing smaller, is blown all over the place, screaming.
GREEN GOBLIN: Uh, yeah, I knew that’s how he did it all along.
DR. OCTOPUS: Uh-huh.
Enjoy.
Aaron
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
12 Tammuz 5765/19 July 2005: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince spoilers
Greetings.
Notable news:
Aaron
Notable news:
- “Suddenly, It's Hip to Be Square”
- “Fewer elephants with tusks born in China”—Natural selection in action.
- “Free Diabetes Drugs Could Save U.S. Money”—A stitch in time saves nine.
- Optimus keyboard—I plan on buying one when it comes out.
- The “half-blood” prince is so-called because he drinks so much that it seems half of his blood is really alcohol.
- Voldemort was responsible for the Bush administration.
- McGonnagal secretly pays Hermione to keep Harry from flunking out of Hogwarts.
- Harry is shocked to hear Snape utter the immortal words “Harry, I am your father!”
- Snape is caught crying like a baby in his office and admits to just wanting to be loved.
- Hermione falls in love with Crabbe.
- Voldemort is no longer a threat. Neville Longbottom stabs him in the back (literally) and seizes control of the Death Eaters and, by the end of the book, all of England.
- Hagrid’s half-brother Grawpe defeats a huge, radioactive lizard, but he decides to relax afterwards by sitting down on Hogwarts and inadvertently collapses half of the building.
- Owl nuts (a treat for Hedwig and Pigwidgeon) are made from people!
Aaron
Monday, July 18, 2005
11 Tammuz 5765/18 July 2005: National Ice Cream Day
Greetings.
I’m running very late today, so I declare today’s weird thing to be the article “Hippo, Believed Among Oldest, Turns 54”, which was suggested to me by Rupert and the gang. Enjoy.
Aaron
I’m running very late today, so I declare today’s weird thing to be the article “Hippo, Believed Among Oldest, Turns 54”, which was suggested to me by Rupert and the gang. Enjoy.
Aaron
Sunday, July 17, 2005
CV update
In response to a suggestion from “Anonymous”, I have directly linked to my latest paper on my CV. I have therefore removed a direct link to the paper from the sidebar, that being unnecessary. I have also add links to two disease-related books in my “Recommended Reading” sidebar. Enjoy.
Aaron
Aaron
10 Tammuz 5765/17 July 2005: Shark Awareness Day/Harry Potter Sick-Out Week
Greetings.
Political thinking: I have to reread Nineteen Eighty-Four. It struck me Friday night that the three party slogans, “WAR IS PEACE”, “FREEDOM IS SLAVERY”, and “IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH” may well be applicable to the Israeli-Arab conflict and the Bush administration.
Trivial spoiling of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: The first word of chapter 1 is “It”.
TV reminder: Nature on PBS tonight at 8 PM, special episode “Hippo Beach”.
The official description of Shark Awareness Day is “Be on the lookout for the dreaded land-shark, they strike today”. I therefore deem today’s weird things to be the “Jaws II” skit and the “Trick-or-Treating Land Shark” skit. Enjoy.
Aaron
Political thinking: I have to reread Nineteen Eighty-Four. It struck me Friday night that the three party slogans, “WAR IS PEACE”, “FREEDOM IS SLAVERY”, and “IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH” may well be applicable to the Israeli-Arab conflict and the Bush administration.
Trivial spoiling of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: The first word of chapter 1 is “It”.
TV reminder: Nature on PBS tonight at 8 PM, special episode “Hippo Beach”.
The official description of Shark Awareness Day is “Be on the lookout for the dreaded land-shark, they strike today”. I therefore deem today’s weird things to be the “Jaws II” skit and the “Trick-or-Treating Land Shark” skit. Enjoy.
Aaron
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