Sunday, November 11, 2012

Unauthorized post by Charchoose: Ḥayyim Wayṣman Street

Puny humans, kneel before your future empress!  I am Charchoose, the most famous supervillain on Earth, and I will not rest until I have conquered the planet.  I cannot do less than ridiculous superheroes, such as Batbear and Sour Cream, or pathetic excuses for supervillains, such as that idiot ∀≸∦⨏, for that would imply I am on their lowly level.  I am thus continuing the tradition of hacking this blog and reporting on a street in Giv‘ath Shemu’el.  But first:

1. ∀≸∦⨏ really is an idiot.  Anyone can tell from his writing, which is full of misspellings and grammatical errors.  Not to mention he has mastered anticlimactic writing.

2. ∀≸∦⨏ clearly failed Genetic Engineering 101, a subject yours-truly got an A+ in.  By the way, my killer amoebas ate his ridiculous purple paramecia.

3. ∀≸∦⨏ was obviously mixing up the Beatles and beetles, showing that he does not know how to spell in at least two languages.  Everyone knows that the giant beetles in Giv‘ath Shemu’el do not sing and never play guitars left-handedly.

4. ∀≸∦⨏ thinks the War of the Small Magellanic Cloud is still going on, which shows he does not pay any attention to the news.

5. ’Aharon has never seen ∀≸∦⨏, despite the latter’s claims.  If ’Aharon had ever seen ∀≸∦⨏, he would have died laughing from the latter’s atrocious taste in clothing.

6. ∀≸∦⨏ was not present at any of the events he wrote about, despite his claims to the contrary.  I know this, because I frequently monitor what happens in Giv‘ath Shemu’el as part of my evil plan, and he was nowhere near Ze’ev Reḥav‘am Street when ’Aharon was photographing it.  He was, in fact, in the Neghev Desert being stomped on by a rogue camel.

Today’s street of interest in Ḥayyim Wayṣman Street, named after the first president of the State of Israel (something which ∀≸∦⨏ might know if he ever bothered to read a book).

∀≸∦⨏ originally thought these things were computer displays and stared at them, waiting to see them change.  Ha!

’Aharon thought this was a haunted house.  This is actually where ninjas hide out.  I beat up several ninjas and stole their wallets while ’Aharon was photographing this street.  He only noticed one ninja, and he did not notice me at all.

I have no idea why there are so many of these Intefe robots around here.  I picked up this one and used her to beat a ninja silly.

Boring, boring, boring.  I have no idea why ’Aharon takes these shots down the entire street.  Even the barber shop he did not photograph is more interesting than this.

Behind this wall and door is the lair of ∀≸∦⨏.  I jumped the wall, tickled his little sister until she let me into the house, and started zapping down walls with a laser gun until I found the dufus himself.  Then I forced him to tell me where the babka-making machine he stole from me is.  (Babka sells very well, and every supervillain can use the extra cash.)  I took my babka-maker out of his attic and left.

And, yes, some creatures that walk on their breathing tubes have a lot of gall and sticky lips.  Getting the slime off the babka-maker was a big pain in the neck.

I shot out this spy camera as I left.  ∀≸∦⨏ should have known better than to leave it visible.

∀≸∦⨏ is fascinated by closed-toe shoes.  Walking on breathing tubes as he does, he cannot wear them without suffocating.  That humans can wear them with impunity drew him to take an extended vacation on Earth, and this sculpture led him to take up residence on this street.  (Have I mentioned that he is an idiot?)

Right after ’Aharon took this picture, I was attacked by a dozen werewolves wearing invisibility cloaks.  Of course, ’Aharon did not notice how I thwarted their scheme to capture me and keep me from putting my evil plan to take over the Earth into action.  Though he did wonder the next day who put all those werewolves in the dumpster.

In summary:  I, the supervillain, go fight various twerps who need pounding.  ’Aharon, the photographer, notices nothing.  Or rather, it took him a while for him to notice me putting my evil plans into action.  But that is a story for another time.

Charchoose, future empress of Earth

PS:  Groveling to me now, before the United Nations surrender to me, does not hurt.

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