Monday, April 30, 2007

‪י״ב אייר תשס״ז * 30 April 2007: כ״ז בעומר/Hairstyle Appreciation Day


Note: Despite it being Hairstyle Appreciation Day, since it’s still before Lagh ba‘Omer, my hairstyle is in no shape to be appreciated except if I enter a yak-imitating contest.

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is Magic Cube 4D. Enjoy and share the weirdness.


Sunday, April 29, 2007

‪י״א אייר תשס״ז * 29 April 2007: כ״ו בעומר


I am pleased to announce that my brother Barry has passed his dissertation defense and is now officially a PhD. Everybody cheer!

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is Jabootu's Bad Movie Dimension, which is about the worst of the worst of films. Note that the reviews are more entertaining than the films themselves. ּThis site may also be useful for knowing which movies not to see. Enjoy and share the weirdness.


Thursday, April 26, 2007

‪ח׳ אייר תשס״ז * 26 April 2007: כ״ג בעומר/Shuffleboard Day/National Pretzel Day/Landscape Architecture Day


<EMBELLISHED>Right now I am trying to register so I can apply for jobs on what has to be the most evil system an HR department has ever devised. In order to fight the demonic powers properly, I have gathered around me the most evil magical books in my possession: The Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor LaVey, The Satanic Rituals by Anton Szandor LaVey, The Necronomicon, and Godless: The Church of Liberalism by Ann Coulter. Hopefully my demonic powers will cancel out those of HR. Let’s see how this goes...</EMBELLISHED>

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is “Kosher Bagel Seeds”. Enjoy and share the weirdness.


Tuesday, April 24, 2007

‪ו׳ אייר תשס״ז * 24 April 2007: כ״א בעומר/Astronomy Day/24 Hour Comics Day/Plumber’s Day


Today’s news and commentary:As many of you know, I got a new MacBook Pro recently. One thing I was curious about was what what my disk space was being used for, having only about 40 gigabytes free, and it turned out there were 2.49 gigabytes of sounds in

/Library/Audio/Apple Loops/Apple/Apple Loops for GarageBand/


/Library/Audio/Apple Loops/Apple/iLife Sound Effects/

Yes, Apple is giving away a ridiculous number of free sounds with new computers. Since I do not use iLife, and I am not likely to do much with GarageBand (except perhaps change the instruments in MIDI files into absurdly inappropriate choices), I had to come up with something to do with them. I therefore have started using them for beep sounds and incorporating playing them into scripts. I may utilize them next Purim during the Meghillah reading. Go forth and see what sorts of noise is on your computer!

Note: I recommend using Play Sound to play the sounds. iTunes will do the job, too, though. Also note that many of the sounds are too long to used sanely as beeps.

Enjoy, share the weirdness, and go forth and make a lot of noise.


Wednesday, April 11, 2007

כ״ג ניסן תשס״ז * 11 April 2007: ח׳ בעומר/Barbershop Quartet Day/National Cheese Fondue Day


Worthy cause of the day: United States Holocaust Memorial Museum and Google Earth.

Today’s news and commentary, some of which Barry is responsible for:Today’s weird thing is a completely unserious and improbable warning from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy and share the weirdness.



If you receive an email entitled, “Badtimes”, delete it immediately. Do not open it.

Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on all of your credit cards.

It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 900 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink ALL your beer.


It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings that grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

If the “Badtimes” message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.


And if you don’t send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you’ll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you while sending out sparks that will ignite the methane in your flatulence setting the person nearest you ablaze...

You have been warned!

Sunday, April 8, 2007

‪כ׳ ניסן תשס״ז * 8 April 2007: חול המועד פסח/ה׳ בעומר/Easter/International Feng Shui Awareness Day


Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy, share the weirdness, and happy Passover and Easter.


On Thin Ice

There was this fella with a parrot and this parrot swears like a sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type and the bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be to much so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him repeatedly and yells,

— Quit it!

But this just makes the bird mad and he swears even more than ever. Then the guy locks the bird in the kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird curses even more than before! At this point, the guy is so angry the he throws the bird into the freezer.

For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes, but then it suddenly gets very quite. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple minutes of silence, he’s so worried that he opens the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man’s outstretched arm and says,

— I’m awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I’ll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.

The man is astounded. He can’t understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot continues saying,

— By the way, what did the chicken do?

Friday, April 6, 2007

‪י״ח ניסן תשס״ז * 6 April 2007: חול המועד פסח/ג׳ בעומר/Tartan Day/Good Friday


Today’s news and commentary, some of which Barry is responsible for:Today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy, share the weirdness, happy Passover, and Shabbath shalom.


Have you ever had a bad day? Bet you can’t top this one…

A little guy was sitting at the bar staring at his drink for a long time.

Suddenly a big tough biker came in and snatched his glass and guzzled down the contents and laughed “Hah!! So what are you going to do about that little man?”

“Nothing,” sighed the little man despondently, “You see, today has been the worst day of my life. This morning I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss was furious and so he fired me. I cleared my desk, went to my car only to discover that it was not there—someone had stolen it. So I took a taxi home, but when it came time to pay the driver, I realized that I’d forgotten my wallet. I then went in the house and found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking of ending it all, you came along and drank my poison.”

Monday, April 2, 2007

‪י״ד ניסן תשס״ז * 2 April 2007: תענית הבכורים/National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day


Weird thing of the day character update: Bobby Awesome has been grounded again for posting yesterday without notifying me first and for making the false claim of me running off to get married to a “hot chick”. As nice as the idea sounds, it’s simply not practical to get married right before Pesah (Passover). His parents are thinking of making him be a “volunteer” waiter when I do get married.

Today’s news and commentary:Today’s weird thing, thanks to Erin, is “The Schlepping Through the Alps Passover Greeting”. Enjoy, share the weirdness, and happy Pesah.


Sunday, April 1, 2007

april foolis day

hey dudes!

aaarons quittin da blog yeah thats rite hes run off 2 get marryd 2 this hot chikk so hes gone probly 4 ever so the blog s mine its all mine buwahahahaha!!!! yeah im like totally in charge of this blog so ill post some useless crud

news 4 u
web news readers have greater attention span study, which s good 4 all u readers of this stupid blog
local man would like fries with that
electron band structure n germanium my butt
what the heck s n my food which s much weirder then anything u see posted here

2 days weird thing s the original hamster dance it looks like there was this big conspiracy & the hamster dance was stolen from someone else enjoy