Thursday, July 19, 2012

Rav Yiṣḥaq Herṣogh Street

Jewish date:  29 Tammuz 5772 (Parashath Maṭṭoth-Mas‘e).

Today’s event:  Ze’ev Zhabboṭinsqi Day (Israel).


Today’s installment of the series on Giv‘ath Shemu’el—the last until after the Fast of ’Av—is on Rav Yiṣḥaq Herṣogh Street, which stretches from Qadhesh Campain/“HashShaḥar” Street to Bar ’Ilan University.  As usual, captions may be inaccurate for your amusement, so, no, if you visit Giv‘ath Shemu’el, you will not be kidnapped by pirates and held for ransom.

One of our painted electrical boxes, depicting cypress trees.

Various little creatures gathered at a window to taunt me.

One of our playgrounds.

A giant frog at the playground.  He was surprised to see me and stressed out from paying his taxes.

A very happy giant beetle.

Ancient Egyptian Smurfs were here, and they built this very short obelisk.

A traffic circle right be Bar ’Ilan.

I was warned by these owls not to pollute.

“Pay attention!  Children on the road.”  “To pay attention” in Hebrew is expressed by an idiomatic expression which literally means “to put heart”, which is expressed graphically on this sign.

Oh, no!  Escaped convict Intefe robots, still in their prison uniforms.

No, ◳◳◳ and Salle did not take the house that was here.  The convict Intefe robots did it and tried to cover their tracks by planting grass.  The police caught them and threw them in prison.  The house reportedly is in Zeelandia, and the rightful owners are trying to have it shipped back.  In the meantime, the police are trying to recapture the escaped convicts.

Enjoy and share the weirdness.


Friday, July 13, 2012

“HashShaḥar Street”

Jewish date:  23 Tammuz 5772 (Parashath Pineḥas).

Today’s event:  Embrace Your Geekness Day.


Continuing the series on Giv‘ath Shemu’el, today’s street of interest is HashShaḥar (Dawn) Street.  As usual, descriptions of pictures may be wildly inaccurate for the sake of entertainment.

There are two things unusual about HashShaḥar Street, neither of which is visible in your humble blogger’s pictures.

The first is it is on the west side of the city and, in fact, connects the city with the highway between it and Bene Beraq.  However, the Sun always rises in the east.  Not really a good fit.

The other unusual thing is that the street arguably does not exist.  If one checks the map on Giv‘ath Shemu’el’s official site, one will find a street marked HashShaḥar between the highway and the Giv‘ath Shemu’el Interchange on one side and Qadhesh Campaign and Ben Guryon on the other.  But if one actually goes to this segment of street, one will find no sign that it is a separate street from Qadhesh Campaign.  Not only are there no signs announcing the street name, but not even the buildings list the street name.

OK, there’s some religious graffiti, but that is more of a topic for Divine Misconceptions than this blog.

Just some street connecting the city and the highway.

OK, there is the name of the city, but not the name of the street.  The sign with the red lettering is a no-parking sign.

And there is some Pac-Man bait here, too.  The idea is to get the Pac-Men to follow the bait and head out of town.

Enjoy, share the weirdness, and Shabbath shalom.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

HaRimmon Street

Jewish date:  21 Tammuz 5772 (Parashath Pineḥas).

Today’s events:  National Slurpee Day, World Population Day (UN observance).


Continuing the series on Giv‘ath Shemu’el, today’s street of interest is HaRimmon (Pomegranate) Street, which stretches from  HazZethim Street to ‘Uzi Ḥiṭman and the Shoshannah Dema’ri Traffic Circle.  As usual, the descriptions may be wildly inaccurate for the sake of “art”.

“Hey, guys!  I think I just found a portal to Hell!”
“You mean Gehinnom?  That portal is in a valley where they play soccer in Yerushalayim.”
“No!  I think this portal goes to Hell, Norway!”
“Good grief…”

More Pac-Man bait.

“Uh, oh.  I think Abbas has been hitting the motor oil too hard again…”

A traffic circle boasting—what else?—giant pomegranates.  As a tangent, there are a lot of pomegranate-shaped chachkas in Israel.  The only explanation I know is that the fruit is famous in the Hebrew Bible and Jewish lore.

“Howdy.  My name is Bryce, and these are some of my pets.”

The Giv‘ath Shemu’el hollow-bodied beach dog.  It is an endangered species due to us not having a beach.

A friendly sand serpent.

“I’m staying back here.  Sand serpents scare me.”
“Don’t be a wuss!”

A playground.

A cyborgized palm tree.

Strange stone patterns left on the ground by aliens.  (Crop circles are passé over here.)

Some of the aliens, who claimed to be from r̼̊, a name which sounds like a Bronx cheer.  Most people take this name for a joke.

A passageway which goes… nowhere in particular.  (There have to be a few of these in any town.)

An artistic Smurf building.

Small vehicles which combine springs and wheels.  They can be very disturbing to ride.

“I still need coffee.”

The bear claims the r̼̊ians made this circle.

The bear also said they made this coffee fountain.

The famous Giv‘ath Shemu’el terrestrial whale taking a rest before it goes off hunting swarms of insects.

Enjoy and share the weirdness.


Monday, July 9, 2012

Ha‘Aṣma’uth Avenue

Jewish date:  19 Tammuz 5772 (Parashath Pineḥas).


Today’s entry in the series on Giv‘ath Shemu’el is Ha‘Aṣma’uth (Independence) Avenue, which stretches from Loḥame hagGeṭṭa’oth where it meets Be’eri to Yonah Shpindel.  As in every installment, accuracy is constantly compromised for the sake of humor, so do not be surprised if you come to visit and find armored shoes to protect you against toe-eating monsters to be completely unnecessary.

Giv‘ath Shemu’el boasts a variety of unusual riding animals.  This is a blue double riding dog.

NOTE:  Goofy ents followed me down this street, so a lot of pictures ended up in shadow.

This is actually a gigantic riding flower, which attaches its pollen to the dizzy children who spin around on it.

A large yellow dog guarding its private slide.

Many Smurfs live on Ha‘Aṣma’uth Avenue.  During the Great Smurf Hunt, Smurfs went nearly extinct in their native Belgium.  This resulted in Papa Smurf cloning himself in a vain effort to keep the species going.  That village went extinct, because all those Smurfs, being genetically identical, were killed off by a single strain of Smurfpox they were equally susceptible to.  However, other Smurfs escaped to other worlds, and some ended up in Giv‘ath Shemu’el.  The colony is still thriving.

An artistic Smurf building.

A riding lion.

More Smurf houses, along with some irrigation tubes used to water young Smurfberry bushes.

Ha‘Aṣma’uth Avenue also has many giant snails and slugs.  These normally sleep during the day.  The ones that were awake took one look at me and curled up.  The snails withdrew completely into their shells, and the slugs really wished they had shells.

Outdoor furniture used by the giant snails and slugs.

“The Smurfs here aren’t on good terms with the snails and slugs.  The gastropods sometimes eat the Smurfberry bushes.  There were a bunch of them here yesterday.”

One of our painted electrical boxes.  The Intefe robot insists it is a painting of this street.  The Smurfs claim it is meant to represent Belgium.  The snails and slugs refused to give an opinion.

More giant slugs.

Some Intefe robots standing in the shade to cool off.

The ents were audibly giggling about ruining this shot.

More Smurf houses, these surrounded by more successful crops.

“I don’t know what those Smurfs did to their crops.  They tasted awful.”
“I don’t care.  I’m scared of the photographer.”

The last robot had too much to drink last night.

“Is he gone yet?  Is he gone yet?  Is he gone yet?  Is he gone yet?  Is he gone yet?  Is he gone yet?  Is he—”
“Why do I have to listen to this idiot?”

More Intefe robots, these ones practicing a chorus line for a musical.

“Is he gone yet?  Is he gone yet?  Is he gone yet?  Is he gone yet?  Is he gone yet?  Is he gone yet?  Is he—”
“Why are you imitating an idiot slug?”

“I take offense at that comment!”

“Sh!  You’re giving us away!”

The final Smurf houses on the street.  The Smurfs living here are growing a date palm (see the shadow), because snails and slugs cannot climb up trees to get to the fruit.

Enjoy and share the weirdness.