Friday, March 31, 2006

2 Nisan 5766 * 31 March 2006: Bunsen Burner Day


Worthy cause of the day:

Today’s weird thing is “Urban Legends Reference Pages: Holidays (Spring Cleaning)”. Enjoy.


Thursday, March 30, 2006

1 Nisan 5766 * 30 March 2006: Jewish New Year (Old System)/National Hot Dog Day

Greetings, and happy new year!

Cool show: The NOVA episode “The Great Robot Race”. The whole thing is on-line for those of you who missed it on Tuesday.

Today’s weird thing is Captain Jonathan Tuttle. What is unusual about Tuttle is that he is a fictional character, yet he has his own page on the Internet Movie Database. Go figure. Enjoy.


Wednesday, March 29, 2006

29 'Adhar 5766 * 29 March 2006: "Accounting for Taste"


Worthy cause of the day: Save Please fill out the form to send a postcard to Bush to tell him to get off his butt and do something about the genocide occurring in the Sudan.

Worthless cause of the day: Genetically Engineer the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Petition (Submitted by Barry)

Weirdness in my life: In my readings of Nakh (the section of Tanakh/the Hebrew Bible after the Torah), I have reached the description of the War of Gog and Magog in Ezekiel. I have thus been trying to figure out where Magog is, and so (among other things) I tried searching with Google Earth. Apparently Magog is a town in Quebec. Never did I expect Canada to be eschatologically significant. ☺

Today’s (backlog of) news: Today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.


submitted by Linda Belfry

The accountant for the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe was retiring after working for the firm for seventeen years. Cheatham was interviewing applicants, and was disappointed, as only three had even bothered to send in a resume.

After looking over the application of the first, an accountant with six years experience at Goldman Sachs, he called the first applicant in, and asked the woman what 2 plus 2 was. 

She answered, “Four.”

Cheatham said he would call her if she was selected. 

The second candidate was a CPA from Harvard, and at the end of the interview he was asked the same question, “What is two and two?”

The CPA replied, “Four.” Cheatham told him that he would call the young man if he was selected. 

The third applicant was a recently-graduated philosophy [major]. Cheatham figured that this wasn't going to go anywhere, but thought, “What the hey? I’ve got nothing to lose.”

He interviewed the young man quickly and asked, “I know you don’t have an accountancy background, but can you tell me what two plus two is?”

To which the philosophy major replied, "Can you tell me what would you want it to be?" 

And was hired on the spot.

Monday, March 27, 2006

27 'Adhar 5766 * 27 March 2006: Hippopotamus Appreciation Day


In honor of yesterday’s quasi-holiday, I hereby declare today to be Hippopotamus Appreciation Day. Hug a hippopotamus today!

Today’s news: Today’s weird thing is the eBay auction “Star Trek DILITHIUM CRYSTALS in J-3 Containment Chamber (item 6030579209 end time Apr-18-06 15:27:16 PDT)”, pointed out to me by Erin. Considering these come through Ferengi channels, intuition suggests they may not work, as Ferengi tend to cheat clients when they can get away with it, and no country on Terra/Earth has signed an off-planet extradition treaty yet. Enjoy.


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

21 'Adhar 5766 * 21 March 2006: Spring Equinox


News:Today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. I happen to be of the 2% of the population. Enjoy.


This is strange...can you figure it out?

Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?

Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!

* Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.

* There's no trick or surprise.

* Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!

* Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really.

* Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).

Think of a number from 1 to 10

Multiply that number by 9

If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together

Now subtract 5

Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with (example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)

Think of a country that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter of the name of that country

Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter in the name of that animal

Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter

Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange?

I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise.

Freaky, huh?

Keep this message going. This one is actually worth sending on to others. Forward it to people you know so they can find

Monday, March 20, 2006

Worthy cause of the day: Stop the Budget Cuts: Tell Your Story


Today’s worthy causes is the petition “Stop the Budget Cuts: Tell Your Story”. Please, write your representative and let him/her know that cutting programs that serve the most vulnerable in society is not acceptable, and spread the word to others. Thank you.


20 'Adhar 5766 * 20 March 2006: National Quilting Day/Great American Meat Out Day/Extraterrestrial Abductions Day


Late-breaking fake news: The International Procrastination Society has launched a campaign to save the wooly mammoths.

Real news:Today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.


A movie star and a missionary were returning to the United States on a boat. When the boat docked, there was a red carpet, a limousine, a band and hundreds of adoring fans who had come to welcome the movie star back home.
The missionary watched all this and then quietly, alone, got off the boat. There was no red carpet, no limousine, no band and no one at all to greet and welcome the missionary back home.
The missionary, tired and depressed, prayed to God, “It would be so nice to just once be met with a red carpet, a limousine and band and by people happy to see me.”
God replied, “You forget one thing…you aren’t home yet.”

A man, preparing to settle his affairs, made a deal with God that he could bring one suitcase with his most important possessions with him when he died and came to heaven. After putting all his affairs in order and packing his suitcase, he died, and arrived at the pearly gates.
St. Peter explained to the man that he was not allowed to bring anything into heaven with him.
The man replied that he had a special dispensation to bring one suitcase with him.
St. Peter checked, and sure enough, this man was allowed to bring one suitcase with him. So, St. Peter asked the man to open it so that he check the contents.
The man opened the suitcase to show it completely full of gold bars.
St. Peter looked in the suitcase, unimpressed, and exclaimed, “Paving material!?”

A couple were very much in love and were actively planning their wedding. As they were driving one day they were involved in an accident and were killed. When they got to the pearly gates they were upset that they had missed getting married and asked St. Peter if they could still get married. St. Peter said he didn’t know but would go check. He left.
Time went by and the couple talked, and after a while they began to wonder if maybe getting married wasn’t the best choice to make. After several months, St. Peter returned and said, “Yes. You can get married in heaven.”
The man said, “We’ve given it some thought, and if the marriage doesn’t work out, will we be able to get a divorce?”
St. Peter looked at the couple in disbelief. “I just spent three months finding a minister here in heaven and now you want me to find a lawyer?”

Sunday, March 19, 2006

19 'Adhar 5766 * 19 March 5766: Poultry Day


News update: “State board bans junk food in schools”.

Today’s weird thing is something I saw part of on PBS on Friday afternoon: Animusic. I cannot describe this well enough to do it justice. Just go to the site, watch the clips, and if your computer is configured right, you may even be able to watch a full length video. Please, trust me on this. Enjoy.


Wednesday, March 15, 2006

15 'Adhar 5766 * 15 March 2006: Pure Shushan/Ides of March/Brutus Day


Pure Shushan is the day I get to use to do stuff I did not manage to do due to the Fast of ’Esther or Purim. And the first word of the name is a Hebrew construct-case plural noun, not an English adjective. The name is usually rendered in an order sensible for English grammar, as “Shushan Purim”, but I’m in a Hebraic-purist mood.

Relevant to the Ides of March/Brutus Day: “Julius Cæsar”.

Today’s news:Today’s weird thing is “Star Trek tricorder ready for beam up”. (I cannot make something like this up.) Enjoy.


Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Worthy cause of the day: President Bush Must be Censured for Breaking the Law


Today’s worthy cause is the petition “President Bush Must be Censured for Breaking the Law”. Please sign and make it known to your congresspeople that illegal wiretapping without probable cause or oversight is not acceptable behavior. If there is enough of an outcry, maybe the people in Congress will think twice about letting Bush off the hook. Thanks in advance.


14 'Adhar 5766 * 16 March 2006: Purim/Pi Day/National Potato Chip Day


In honor of today’s holiday (Purim, not Pi Day or National Potato Chip Day), I feel like sermonizing, which, since this is my blog and can thus do anything I want, I will.

This is something I came up with in 1998 on the Book of ’Esther:

Why did Haman bother rolling lots to determine when to destroy the Jews? Why bother waiting? One notable thing has occurred to me: God determines the roll of the dice. (He/She did create the laws of physics, which more directly determine the outcome.) Haman may have been trying to push the responsibility of his genocidal plan onto God.

The scenario that I have devised is this: Haman wanted to kill Mordokhay and his people (apparently even wanting to outdo gangsters in not only killing the defier and his/her family, but his/her whole people as well). However, to do so he needed a rationalization. So he used Puritan reasoning and said to himself, “If Mordokhay is right, then his god will create a outright miracle to save him and his people, and I will have not harmed innocent people and will not be guilty of anything. On the other hand, if I am right, Mordokhay and his people must be guilty of some horrendous crime and I am perfectly justified in destroying them, for otherwise my god would not allow me to do so.” However, God does not do outright miracles on a regular basis, certainly not for non-prophets, and never just because a loony assumes He/She will. Therefore God resorted to His/Her usual behind-the-scenes approach. The Jews were saved by an alternative which Haman had not considered, that is, outwardly natural means. Furthermore, Haman had not expected that he would be personally affected no matter which alternative happened, but he had no idea that God had arranged that the Queen just happen to be of the same nation as Mordokhay, a situation which naturally lent itself to blowing up in Haman’s face. Thus were some of the assumptions underpinning Haman’s rationalization shown to be incorrect.


Sunday, March 12, 2006

12 'Adhar 5766 * 12 March 2006: "Exercising the brain"


Today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.


Exercising the brain is as important as exercising the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain. So below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So, take the following test and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it."

OK, relax, clear your mind and... begin... Don't peek at the answers...

1. What do you put in a toaster?

The correct answer is "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something less strenuous. Try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times.
Now, spell "silk."

What do cows drink?

The correct answer is "water". If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate, such as "Goodnight Moon".

If you said "water", then proceed to Question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks
and a blue house is made from blue bricks
and a pink house is made from pink bricks

what is a greenhouse made from?

The correct answer is "glass". If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions?????

If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.

4. It's 20 years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany.
(At that time, Germany was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, all engines fail and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors: East Germany, West Germany, or "no-man's land"?

The correct answer is "You don't bury survivors." If you said ANYTHING else, you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to Question 5.

5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute, then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?

The correct answer is "one degree". If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the

Everyone else proceed to the final question.

6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, 6 people get off the bus and 9 get on. In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 get on. In Swansea, 3 people get off and 5 get on. In Carmarthen, 6 people get off and 3 get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was you—I said you were driving the bus! :-) Now, pass this on to everyone you know and see if they do better.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Thursday, March 9, 2006

9 'Adhar 5766 * 9 March 2006: Unique Names Day


Today I’m cleaning out a lot of the backlog of things for me to post. I would have posted a lot of them yesterday, but I have come down with bronchitis, and that largely screwed up my schedule yesterday.Enjoy or be scared or something, and please consider signing the petitions.


9 'Adhar 5766 * 9 March 2006: Unique Names Day


Today I’m cleaning out a lot of the backlog of things for me to post. I would have posted a lot of them yesterday, but I have come down with bronchitis, and that largely screwed up my schedule yesterday.Enjoy or be scared or something, and please consider signing the petitions.


Wednesday, March 8, 2006

8 'Adhar 5766 * 8 March 2006: Farmer's Day


Today’s weird thing is the Buy Bush a PlayStation 2 Petition. Please sign and give Bush something better to do than get our soldiers killed pointlessly. Thank you, and enjoy.


Tuesday, March 7, 2006

Other worthy cause of the day: "Veto the Bush budget"


I am pleased to present a second worthy cause of the day (this one submitted by Barry): the petition “Veto the Bush Budget”. Please sign and give Bush the message that kicking the poor when they’re down is not acceptable in this country. Thank you.

Note: I am willing to post multiple worthy causes of the day, so feel free to send me lots of them to post.


Worthy cause of the day: Be a Citizen Co-Sponsor of the Roadless Area Conservation Act


Please be a citizen co-sponsor of the 2006 Roadless Area Conservation Act and help save our forests. Thank you.


7 'Adhar 5766 * 7 March 2006: Anniversary of Mosheh's Death/Namesake Day


Today’s news:Today’s weird thing is “Warning! Financial responsibility can lead to terrorism”, which is sufficiently bizarre to make one wonder what Bush and company are thinking. Enjoy.


Sunday, March 5, 2006

5 'Adhar 5766 * 5 March 2006: "McDonald's changes sign to woo kosher diners"


I’m cutting my losses and trashing most of the backlog. Please check the news for the nuttiness going on in American, Israeli, and Stateless Arab politics; there is plenty of dastardly stuff going on to last me for a month. The one item you are getting as today’s weird thing is “McDonald's changes sign to woo kosher diners”. Enjoy.


Friday, March 3, 2006

3 'Adhar 5766 * 3 March 2006: What if Cats and Dogs has opposable Thumbs day


I have way too many things accumulated for potential inclusion in the blog, and I really don’t feel like posting them all. Therefore today’s weird thing is the Jedi census phenomenon, which is what I feel like posting. You may get other accumulated stuff on Sunday if I feel like it. Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.


Thursday, March 2, 2006

2 'Adhar 5766 * 2 Februrary 2006: "Video Shows Bush Warned Before Katrina Hit"


Today’s weird thing is George W. Bush’s reaction to Hurricane Katrina. Bush was caught on tape before the storm hit, being told of the possible disasters; he lied later for his lack of preparedness, claiming he had not been forewarned. You can read all about it in “Video Shows Bush Warned Before Katrina Hit” and “Bush Administration Warned of Katrina Destruction, AP Reports”. None of this should be surprising, considering that this is the same man who decided to invade Iraq and lied about why he wanted to do it. Be scared, and think about writing whoever represents you in Congress about having Bush impeached.