Wednesday, April 11, 2007

כ״ג ניסן תשס״ז * 11 April 2007: ח׳ בעומר/Barbershop Quartet Day/National Cheese Fondue Day

Greetings.

Worthy cause of the day: United States Holocaust Memorial Museum and Google Earth.

Today’s news and commentary, some of which Barry is responsible for:Today’s weird thing is a completely unserious and improbable warning from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron



Warning:

If you receive an email entitled, “Badtimes”, delete it immediately. Do not open it.

Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on all of your credit cards.

It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 900 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink ALL your beer.

FOR GOD’S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING?

It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings that grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

If the “Badtimes” message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

**WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. **

And if you don’t send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you’ll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you while sending out sparks that will ignite the methane in your flatulence setting the person nearest you ablaze...

You have been warned!
Post a Comment