Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the puddle

Jewish date:  26 Tammuz 5771 (Parashath Mas‘e).

Today’s events:  National Milk Chocolate Day, National Drive-Thru Day.

Greetings.

Today’s weird thing is “Puddle Sharks - Win!”.

Enjoy, share the weirdness, and make sure you do not lose your toes.

’Aharon/Aaron

Edgar Allan Poe may not like this post

Jewish date: 24 Tammuz 5771 (Parashath Mas‘e).

Today’s events: Aunt and Uncles Day, All or Nothing Day.

Greetings.

Today’s weird thing is “teh raven iz”.

Enjoy and share the weirdness.

’Aharon/Aaron

Beware of curl-ups

Jewish date: 22 Tammuz 5771 (Parashath Mas‘e).

Today’s events: Amelia Earhart Day, Cousin’s Day, National Parents Day, Pioneer Day (Utah, USA).

Greetings.

Image via Wikipedia

Fans of the celebrated author M. C. Escher will be familiar with the curl-up, a fictional creature which can curl up into a wheel and roll around. Today’s weird things, courtesy of Barry, are two realizations (of sorts) of the curl-up: “M.C.Escher’s Curl-Up Animal Constructed!” and “Escher Collection Curl Up (Completed) Item picture1”. Enjoy, share the weirdness, and ask your friendly neighborhood genetic engineer to make a live curl-up.

’Aharon/Aaron

A message from the Cybertonian embassy-at-large

Jewish date:  3 Tammuz 5771 (Parashath Balaq).

Today’s event:  Work-a-Holic Day.

Greetings.

Today’s weird thing is the most recent statement released by the Cybertonian embassy-at-large, included below.  It was provided to me by an insistent mechanical bird.  Enjoy and share the weirdness.

’Aharon/Aaron

---

From:  Megatron, Ambassador-at-large, Republic of Cybertron

To:  The United Nations of Earth

Re:  Cessation of Major Ground Operations

Dear idiots at the UN:

We are done.  Obviously not completely done, but we've finished the important stuff.  Our two major ground operations are finished and over with, no thanks to any of you worthless losers.

One, we have the Autobots.  As you well know now from your stupid little chatter boxes, the 33rd Battalion of the Cybertonian Army under the command of General Cyclonus entered the territory of the United States of America for the sole purpose of capturing the Autobot population of the Groom Lake military base.  Before landing, we sprayed the area with an anesthetic gas to knock out the humans, taking them out of the equation.  Most of the Autobots instantly surrendered (like anyone would want to go up against our shock troops with plasma-bolt rifles) and the rest made trouble.  The only Autobot fatality was Powerglide, who attempted to use deadly force and was shot down in midair.  The rest we subdued alive, much better than they deserved.  Optimus Prime was especially shameful, attempting to use humans as shields to try to get away.  Those worthless traitors are all locked up now in the brig of the Cybertonian embassy-at-large and they're staying put.

Did I really want to do that?  Simple answer:  NO!  Everyone is sick of this nightmare.  You don't want us on your planet, we don't want to be on your planet, but no one does the obvious so we can leave your planet.  You have to make a giant fuss, and we get blamed for everything, and no one takes any responsibility for anything, you giant bunch of losers who can't even govern yourselves.  It's amazing you haven't nuked each other.  Why do you think President Shockwave authorized us to go ahead and end this nonsense?

And that leads us to the other issue:  Cobra, the bunch of dingleberries who attacked us.  In case you haven't noticed, we have effectively destroyed Cobra, big nasty terrorist organization our to rule the planet.  Nobody liked Cobra and no one was sorry to see it go.  Cobra Island has been conquered and its religious sites razed, and anyone willing to continue the conflict is put in jail.  We have raided Serpentorean strongholds in Somalia, Sudan, and elsewhere and enforced the same terms.  Wherever we have gone, we have suppressed any version of this cult whose adherents won't live in peace with people they don't agree with.  All we did was the only reasonable thing to do, not that it would ever occur to you pinheads.  The threat of Cobra is gone, now and forever, no thanks to any of you.

What I especially dislike is how you just dumped this problem on us.  Who would want to get involved in your pointless little conflicts?  They are always all really stupid and show how incompetent you are at governing yourselves, always letting the least fit be in charge.  When Cobra attacked us, we begged you to do something about them.  Did you?  No.  We deserved it, you told us, so stand there and take your lumps like a good little stooge.  We did what any rational person would do, to fight back against our enemies, and in turn you condemned us, calling us tyrants and monsters.  Really?  If Mexico or Canada attacked the United States, would anyone wonder if the United States fought back?  If China shot missiles at Russia, who would complain at Russia invading China to end the threat?  But if Cobra attacks our embassy, why is it our fault, and why are we the ones who're wrong for ending the threat in the only way possible?  We eliminated Cobra and it is no more.  We attempted to arrest James "Destro" McMullen, XXIV to stand trial and were forced to kill him in self-defense.  We arrested his wife, Anastasia "the Baroness" McMullen, a high official in Cobra, and, finding her psychotic, are currently holding her as we treat her.  And, as has been recently noted in the media, we have recently found and captured the Cobra Commander in Sudan, where he has been hiding for two years.  He is currently undergoing his pretrial screening and suitable legal representation is being sought before he is tried.  In what way have we done anything wrong?  I feel like we have been used, expected to eliminate the threat of Cobra while we are hindered and abused for our efforts.  What for?  Because you're too lazy?  Or maybe the fight against Cobra kept bringing up too many uncomfortable issues.  I really don't care about your issues, you bunch of useless crybabies.  Just work on them!

And now we come to the fun part.  After conquering Cobra Island and putting a whole lot of humans in jail, we don't really trust you to take over.  Face it:  most of your jails are not therapeutic, which is like saying water isn't dry.  You warehouse prisoners and let them act like the wild animals you are and, big surprise, they don't come out any better.  What's the point of a penal system which makes people worse?  Maybe if you bothered to stop throwing people in jail for "crimes" which are trivial or stupid and invest in actually fixing the problems that land people in jail then you wouldn't need to lock away so many people.  No, that's too obvious for you.  We are not turning over prisoners to a bunch of sadists out for revenge, and let's face it, your "justice" systems are mostly systems of organized revenge.

Because you're too incompetent when it comes to criminals, we are forced to make Freedom Island (formerly Cobra Island) an extraplanetary territory of the Republic of Cybertron.  This will let us rehabilitate the prisoners without having to take them off-planet (we have previously considered establishing a penal colony on Venus, which has a similar surface gravity to Earth, but there is no way we could seriously do that without terraforming the planet, and there's no way we're doing you that kind of favor).  So, all the former Cobra terrorists will be fixed as best as we can manage, and the rest will be kept humanely.  At the trial of Anastasia McMullen, it was determined that she was responsible but psychotic, and as she has not improved as much as we'd like, she will probably remain the rest of her life in custody for the safety of herself and others.  The Cobra Commander will probably end up with the same verdict.  Quite a few former Cobra terrorists have shown remarkable improvement and we hope to substantially reduce the population in captivity over the next few years.  So much for warehousing.

As for the Freedom Islanders living in peace, so far the civilian government seems to be working, and with a military base housing the 33rd Battalion of the Cybertonian Army there, I doubt we'll have any serious problems.  The island also gives us somewhere to put Transformers who do not want to return to Cybertron proper, namely the Autobrat subfaction which schismed from the Autobots.  Most of them seem enthusiastic about the idea.  Based on her service to both the Republic and her comrades, President Shockwave has appointed the former Autobrat commander Arcee to the position of Ambassador to Earth.  You can expect to see a lot of her and her staff (both Transformers and humans) around New York, and if they are not respected, they will have our troops to answer to.

Do you like us there?  Of course not.  And here's what you have to do to make us vanish:

• Every remaining Cobra terrorist everywhere must vanish, either rehabilitated or dead.  Attacking us forfeits their existence.  There's still tiny pockets of Cobra out there, and until they're all gone, we're not leaving.
• Every stray Autobot is caught.  There's still many not accounted for, and every single one has to be caught.  They had no business coming to your planet and they won't be left behind.
• The government of Freedom Island has to stay stable and democratic.  So far, so good.
• No one else stupidly attacks us like Cobra did.  We've gotten a number of threats from governments, corporations, private organizations, and several religious sects.  Face it, we wiped out Cobra.  Don't make us wipe out the rest of you losers.  I already have a long list of groups I'm itching to blow away.

Frankly, much as the thought of us staying on this planet disgusts me with every circuit of my being, you need us.  Face it:  we are attacked and defend ourselves and we get yelled at for "illegally occupying" territory on Earth.  How screwed-up can you be?  Or take this new movie about us, Transformers:  Dark of the Moon, coming out ironically just as the reign of the Autobots on Earth has come to an end.  Director Michael Bay is as suckered by Autobot propaganda as he is juvenile.  The movie continues his usual trademark assault on the senses, idiotic writing, graphic violence,  ignorance of basic physics, and open prejudice.  I have been shown a number of bad movies by such directors as Roger Corman and Ed Wood, and I have found them masterpieces in comparison.  It's not bad enough to portray the "Decepticons" or Sentinel Prime (a patriot of Autobot ancestry who turned over evidence to the police of Ironhide's treason) as enemies; he has to take every opportunity to denigrate us.  I don't know which is worse, that anyone spent any money to make this or that anyone will pay to see it.  In any case, Megan Fox was sorely missed and Dr. Ken Jeong was totally wasted.

You people suck.

So you're stuck with us.  Someone has to be the good example because most of you are clueless and stupid and destroying your planet.  Instead of complaining and condemning us, you ought to see what we're doing right.  Maybe then you'll have a chance of fixing the problem.

Screw you all.  I hope you losers all die horrible, painful deaths, and you deserve it.

Megatron, ambassador-at-large, Republic of Cybertron, etc., etc., etc.

Edit that into something diplomatic before you send it off, Laserbeak.  I don't need another embarrassment like the last thing that idiot Ravage wrote.

“Stop-Motion Auditorium Pac-Man”

Jewish date:  24 Siwan 5771 (Parashath Ḥuqqath).

Today’s events:  Forgiveness Day, Beautician's Day, International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking (UN), International Day in Support of Victims of Torture (UN)

Greetings.

Today’s weird thing is “Stop-Motion Auditorium Pac-Man”, the point of which I cannot identify.  Enjoy (or be puzzled or something) and share the weirdness.

’Aharon/Aaron

It is a good day to die

 Jewish date: 15 Siwan 5771 (Parashath Shelaḥ Lekha).

Today’s events:  Eat Your Vegetables Day, Fresh Veggies Day, World Day to Combat Desertification and Drought (UN).

Greetings.

Today’s weird thing is “The Cling-on’s”:



Enjoy, share the weirdness, Shabbath shalom, and live long and prosper

’Aharon/Aaron

“Knitting and Crochet Patterns in Art”

Jewish date:  8 Siwan 5771 (Parashath BeHa‘alothekha).

Today’s event:  National Iced Tea Day.

Greetings.

Today’s weird thing, courtesy of Barry, is “Knitting and Crochet Patterns in Art”.  This article details all sorts of ridiculous things people have done lately with knitting and crocheting.

Enjoy, share the weirdness, and Shabbath shalom.

’Aharon/Aaron

“Turbo Encabulator”

Greetings.

Jewish date:  18 ’Iyyar 5771 (Parashath BeMidhbar).

Today’s events:  Buy a Musical Instrument Day, International Day for Biological Diversity, Emancipation Day (Puerto Rico).

Today’s weird thing is “Turbo Encabulator”, which is an impressive-sounding piece of pure nonsense.  
Enjoy and share the weirdness.

’Aharon/Aaron

Beware of automated musical instruments

Greetings.

Jewish date:  16 ’Iyyar 5771 (Parashath Beḥuqqothay).

Today’s events:  Be a Millionaire Day, National Bike to Work Day, Pick Strawberries Day, Weights and Measures Day, Emancipation Day (Florida), Malcolm X Day.

Also:  Tomorrow is Metric Mitochondria Day.  Celebrate our obligate symbiotes and the International System of Units!

Today’s weird thing is “100 year old violin playing machine”, which is a just plain freaky-looking musical instrument.  Enjoy, share the weirdness, and Shabbath shalom..

’Aharon/Aaron

Bad ponies, beware!

Greetings.

Jewish date:  13 ’Iyyar 5771 (Parashath Beḥuqqothay).

Today’s events:  Pack Rat Day, World Telecommunication Day (UN), Mary McLeod Bethune Week.

NOTE:  On 7 May 2005 at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology there was a time traveler convention.  Time travelers allegedly showed up.  If you ever get a time machine, be then and there or be square!

Today’s weird things are two pictures I took on Sunday.

This seems to be what happens to bad ponies.

Even if the pony really deserved it, these colorful tribbles are nevertheless shocked.

(Yes, I know these are just toys at the local mall, but I felt the urge to perform some creative interpretation.)

Enjoy and share the weirdness.

’Aharon/Aaron

Beware of LEGOs

Image of LEGOs via Wikipedia

Greetings.

Jewish date:  2 ’Iyyar 5771 (Parashath ’Emor).

Today’s events:  National Nurses Day, Space Day and International Space Day, Beverage Day, International Tuba Day, International No Diet Day, Military Spouses Day, National Tourist Appreciation Day.

Today’s weird thing is Smallworks Brickcase, a LEGO-compatible case for the iPhone.  Enjoy, share the weirdness, and Shabbath shalom.

’Aharon/Aaron

Beware of retrocomputing

Image via Wikipedia

Greetings.

Jewish date:  4 Nisan 5770 (Parashath Meṣora‘).

Today’s events:  Draw a Picture of a Bird Day, All is Ours Day, International Feng Shui Awareness Day.

Today’s weird thing is the Commodore 64.  You may well ask why an ancient computer merits being the weird thing of the day.  And the answer is:  it is not.  According to “Commodore 64 Goes on Sale. Amiga, VIC-20 Coming Soon”, somebody actually has the audacity to resurrect ancient computers after a fashion. e.g., with 1-terabyte hard drives and 4 gigabytes of RAM, though with practically identical outsides, and sell them.  Enjoy, share the weirdness and nostalgia, Shabbath shalom, and let me know when this character puts out a modernized NeXT Cube running Mac OS X 10.7.

’Aharon/Aaron

Beware of censors

Greetings.

Jewish date:   1 Nisan 5771 (evening) (Parashath Meṣora‘).

Today’s events:  Hug a Newsman Day, School Librarian Day, Walk Around Things Day, Tell a Lie Day, National Repot your Plant Day, National Reading a Roadmap Day, International Day for Mine Awareness and Assistance in Mine Action (UN).

Today’s weird thing is “Prime Time TV Censorship”:



The graph correctly notes the inconsistencies in TV censorship in the United States.  I am not clear how harmful seeing any of the things in the graph on TV really are, but the fairly lenient treatment violence gets is pretty odd.  Enjoy and share the weirdness.

’Aharon/Aaron

Coca-Cola for Godzilla

Greetings.

Jewish date:  19 ’Adhar Sheni 5771 (Parashath Shemini).

Today’s events:  International Waffle Day, Pecan Day, International Day of Remembrance of the Victims of Slavery and the Transatlantic Slave Trade (UN), Independence Day (Greece, Cyprus).

I think I am going to be going through the collection of pictures I have taken here in Israel but have not shown to anyone.

These are photographs of the Coca-Cola plant in Bene Beraq.  Notice that the architect got somewhat silly and made several buildings look like soda cans.

Caption:  The last thing the White King expected was to be assaulted by black pawns on Lassale Street in Tel ’Aviv.

This actually is Lassale Street in Tel ’Aviv, but these are not chess pieces.  Rather, they are part of a barrier system to keep vehicles and pedestrians separate.  They have these all over Israel, but few look as much like chess pieces as these ones.

This last one is more puzzling that strictly weird.  This is a mouse or other rodent which showed up right outside of synagogue recently.  (And I apologize for the picture quality, but I do not take my high-quality camera everywhere with me, and I had the choice of using my cell phone under suboptimal conditions or not photographing the rodent at all.)  What I do not understand is why the rodent let me photograph it rather than running for its life.  (Humans are huge compared with most rodents and thus very dangerous to them.)

Enjoy, share the weirdness, and Shabbath shalom.

’Aharon/Aaron

Theodore Herzl, superhero of Israel

Greetings.

Jewish date:  5 ’Adhar Sheni 5771 (Parashath Wayyiqra’).

Today’s events:  Worship of Tools Day, Johnny Appleseed Day, Nametag Day, World Plumbing Day.  (I got a complaint last time I posted for labeling Black History Month a “quasi-holiday” because it is not religious.  It is hard to claim that any of today’s quasi-holidays or whatever you want to call them are not events.)

I started work recently, and I am trying to fit things, including blogging, into my new schedule.  One of the things that I do manage to do is photography, which works out nicely since there are a lot of unusual things here in Israel all over the place.  (Actually you could probably say the same for most places, but I happen to be here to do the photography.)  I found myself starting to post unusual pictures on Facebook recently, and since blog is “Weird thing of the day”, it occurs to me that this might be a better place to be posting such things.  So on with today’s weird things:

Caption:  Beware, evildoers!  Theodore Herzl is watching from above, waiting for the right moment to strike!

Actually this picture was taken from a bus on Tuesday while passing through Herṣeliyyah. My caption is probably not what the people who created this water-tower art intended and should not be construed as historically accurate.

Caption:  Little did I know when I moved to Giv‘ath Shemu’el that there are Smurfs living here.

Yeah, that’s not really not Smurf houses you’re looking at.  Israeli architects have a lot of fun creating art for cities and towns, and the theme of Giv‘ath Shemu’el includes giant mushroom sculptures.  I took this picture yesterday on the way back home from the post office.  There are a bunch of other giant mushroom sculptures on Jabotinsky Street.  (Somebody please remind me to try photoshopping them together into a whole Smurf village at some point.)

And finally, one that some might find somewhat uncomfortable.  Those who feel squeamish should skip to the end.

These are two earthworms which infiltrated my apartment and were caught today.  The lower one got caught under the door and was somewhat mangled.  The upper one somehow made it all the way to under my coffee table, where it got covered in dust bunnies.  This picture was taken after I apprehended the invaders and put them outside, where I hope they will live happy and healthy lives.

Enjoy, share the weirdness, and Shabbath shalom.

Aaron

“Möbius Story: Wind and Mr. Ug”

Greetings.

Jewish date:  20 ’Adhar Ri’shon 5771 (Parashath Wayyaqhel).

Today’s quasi-holidays:  Black History Month, National Tortilla Chip Day

Please forgive me for taking forever to post again.  I do not begin working until next Wednesday, and being unemployed while trying to adapt to a new country (including ’ulpan, which is Hebrew language classes) does not make for the most regular schedule.  I expect to be very busy starting Wednesday, trying to adapt to the new job on top of twice-weekly ’ulpan, but at least I should have a better idea where I can fit things into my schedule.

Today’s weird thing is “Möbius Story: Wind and Mr. Ug”.



This is a mathematical story, but one designed to be accessible to everyone.  Enjoy and share the weirdness, especially with anyone you know who loves beet peel.

Aaron

Ra‘ananah, Ra‘ananah, hey hey hey, goodbye

Greetings.

Jewish date:  3 ’Adhar Ri’shon (evening) (Parashath Teṣawweh).

Today’s quasi-holidays:  Black History Month, Chinese New Year, Lame Duck Day, National Frozen Yogurt Day, International Day of Zero Tolerance to Female Genital Mutilation (UN).

This is my first post on this blog in about two months.  During this time I have moved out of the absorption center in Ra‘ananah to an apartment in Giv‘ath Shemu’el.  (Hence the silly title of this post.)  This took a lot of time and effort, as I had to not only find the apartment, but also get everything properly set up.  Also taking up time is that Tron Legacy came out, and besides seeing it twice in theaters, I spent a lot of time working on a review which is somewhat different from any I've done before.

Image via Wikipedia

Today’s weird thing is the latest astrological “scandal”.  The badly-named article “Sign of the times: Astrology story soars like a comet” details the shock and denial many people who believe in astrology have felt when an astronomer correctly noted that the signs of the zodiac are not where astrologers claim they are, nor have they been there for centuries.  The astrologers have also been forgetting to mention that the zodiac passes through 13 constellations, not 12.  (See a diagram of the when the Sun is really in the zodiac and when here.)  What the article completely fails to note, to the point of being funny, is that astrology does not work at all; rather than try to make the argument myself, I point you to “Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy: Misconceptions: Astrology” and let an astronomer do it for me.

As an added bonus, I also present “Horoscoped”, which analyzes the vague and useless verbiage of horoscope columns.  Note the visualized version and the meta-prediction.

Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron

Beware of the second coming of System 7

Greetings.

Jewish date:  2 Ṭeveth 5771 (Parashath Vayyiggash).

Today’s quasi-holiday:  International Anti-Corruption Day.

Today’s news and commentary:

• “How to stop a hurricane (good luck, by the way)”
• “Zoo Illogical: Ugly Animals Need Protection from Extinction, Too”
• “Breaking our link to the "March of Progress"”
• “The gorgeous molecular biology movie that's taken the world by storm”
• “Japan’s Robot Picks Only the Ripest Strawberries”

Image of a Macintosh SE via Wikipedia

Today’s weird thing is this simulation of a Macintosh SE running System 7.0.  I have no idea why anyone did this, but it may be fun for the nostalgic, especially since the simulation includes some games and a screen saver.  Enjoy, share the weirdness, and happy Ḥanukkah.

Aaron

Can flash drives explode?

Greetings.

Jewish date:  26 Kislew 5771 (Parashath MiqQeṣ).

Today’s quasi-holiday:  International Day of Persons with Disabilities (UN).

Today’s news and commentary:

• “Arsenic-Eating Bacteria Opens New Possibilities for Alien Life”
• “Recommended Daily Vitamin D Intake Gets a Boost” and “Vitamin D”
• “The antidepressant reboxetine: A headdesk moment in science”
• “Bat resembling Star Wars Yoda discovered in Papua New Guinea rainforest”
• “What’s with the new cough and cold products?”
• “Computer identifies the most boring day in history”

Today’s weird thing is the USB Grenade Flash Drive.  This is something you absolutely should not take through Israeli security.  You should have no trouble taking it through American security, as the TSA is reportedly more interesting in finding out what you look like naked rather than if you are carrying anything dangerous.  Enjoy, share the weirdness, happy Ḥanukkah, and Shabbath shalom.

Aaron

The mother (or monster) of all weird crossovers

Greetings.

Jewish date:  19 Kislew 5771 (Parashath Wayyeshev).

Today’s quasi-holidays:  Black Friday (USA), Buy Nothing Day.

Note:  Currently I am working with an unreliable Internet connection, so I plan on keeping my posts short for the moment to increase the chances that they actually get through.

Today’s weird thing is something bizarre working its way virally across the Internet, what may be the mother (or monster) of all weird crossovers, “Cookie Monster Auditions for Saturday Night Live”:



Considering the normally low quality of Saturday Night Live, even if Cookie Monster is not at his best, it would obviously be their best show ever.  Since Cookie Monster was clearly trying to limit himself to a short time in making this video, there is an obvious skit which was left out:  a Saturday Night Live parody of Sesame Street, which might well involve humans dressing up as Muppet characters and discussion of some aspect of life on Sesame Street not normally discussed.  The alternative might be a Muppet-only version of Saturday Night Live, which might well have Muppets pretending to be humans parodying something else.

Oh, if you are on Facebook, please join the (as of this typing) 87,941 other people who like it to encourage NBC to make a Cookie Monster-hosted episode of Saturday Night Live a reality.

Enjoy, share the weirdness, and Shabbath shalom.

’Aharon/Aaron

PS:  This post was brought to you by the letters L, E, and the number 5.