Friday, September 7, 2012

Authorized guest post by Kenneth Wayne: HatTomer Street

Hello, Earth.

My name is Kenneth Wayne, and I am a polar bear.  When my home in the Arctic started melting, I realized that something was very, very wrong with this world, and that we needed more justice.  And so I put on a blue cape and now travel the world with my trusty sidekick Sour Cream, fighting crime and righting every wrong possible.  They call me “Batbear”.

Today’s post deals with something which happened this summer.  We had heard much about a pair of evil aliens, one with a name which sounds like “Beepbeepbeep” and the other going by the nickname “Salle”.  They had wrought much mischief in Giv‘ath Shemu’el, Israel, stealing buildings, blowing things up, and frightening the citizens.  And so when ’Aharon wrote about the diabolical duo’s doings, Sour Cream and I knew we had to act.

Traveling to Giv‘ath Shemu’el, ’Aharon led us to the last place anyone had seen Beepbeepbeep and Salle:  HatTomer (Palm Tree) Street.

(And no, you will not see my picture or Sour Cream’s here.  As superheroes, it is our duty for our appearance to be a surprise.)

It looked like an ordinary day, but it was not.  This Intefe robot seemed nervous, but claimed unconvincingly that nothing was wrong.

This rare albino dwarf bowl-backed elephant whispered to us that he had seen Beepbeepbeep down the block.

We ran into Beepbeepbeep—literally.  She was wearing an invisibility cloak and standing between two of the palm trees.  We judged she was there because she was giggling, but got the distance wrong.  And so a fight ensued.

Beepbeepbeep tried to escape through this hatch, but Sour Cream blocked her way and punched her with an accompanying “POW!” visual effect.

Beepbeepbeep tore this tree out of the ground and threw it at us, but she missed.

Beepbeepbeep pulled some fruit off this citrus tree and threw it at us.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  And so Sour Cream and I threw the citrus fruits back at Beepbeepbeep, and she stumbled backwards and almost impaled herself on this plant.

And then she picked up this flowerpot and threw it at us, knocking us unconscious.

When Sour Cream and I came to, we were hanging upside-down on a different street, Beepbeepbeep’s hideous giggling taunting us.

Is this the end of Sour Cream and myself?  Of course not!  Dead bears tell no tales.  But you’ll have to wait for the next post to find out what happened.

Kenneth “Batbear” Wayne

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