Today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
* It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
* Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
* We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
* The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
* It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
* Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.
* You can't have everything, where would you put it?
* Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
* If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
* Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
* The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
* Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
* Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
* When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!
* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
* It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
* The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
* Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
* I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
* I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
* When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.