Wednesday, November 9, 2005

7 Marheshwan 5766/9 November 2005

Greetings.

Stuff I’m trying to get off my desktop:
  • “Church: Anti-war sermon imperils tax status” (Shame on the IRS!)
  • “No Nasa millions for irate Russian astrologer” (I cannot make something like this up!)
  • “Israel welcomes proposed Red Cross symbol” (What they don’t tell you is that the Muslim countries cannot stand the notion of putting the Maghen Dawidh ’Adhom (Red Star of David) on the same level as the Red Crescent, as that would imply that Islam is not superior to Judaism. This bigoted nonsense has kept the Maghen Dawidh ’Adhom out of the International Red Cross and Red Crescent Society for years, and the proposed “compromise” is to replace the Red Star of David with a red “crystal”. I will believe it is an actual compromise when the Red Cross and Red Crescent are also replaced with the Red Crystal.)
  • “French riots continue despite curfew threat” (Glossed over is that this is a classic Islamic riot over a perceived offense against Muslims. Still waiting for a real crackdown on such indecent behavior.)
Today’s weird thing is a useful form for dealing with tech support from Emily’s collection, included below. You may find it eerily familiar. Enjoy.

Aaron



COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM

In order to streamline the handling of problems within the system, please fill out the following questionnaire before sending it in for help. With your cooperation we should be able to provide faster and more efficient fault resolution.

1. Describe your problem:

____________________________________________________


2. Now, describe the problem accurately:

____________________________________________________


3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:

____________________________________________________


____________________________________________________


____________________________________________________


4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse? Yes__

10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__

12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__

13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

14. If 'Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?

____________________________________________________


15. How tall are you? Are you above this line?

____________________________________________________


16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?

____________________________________________________


17. If 'nothing' explain why you were logged in.

____________________________________________________


18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

19. How does this problem make you feel?

___________________________________________________

20. Tell me about your childhood.

___________________________________________________


21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__

22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__
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