Friday, December 9, 2005

8 Kislew 5766/9 December 2005

Greetings.

My windproof menorah and oil thingies came yesterday! As long as it does not rain (please, God, let that not happen), I should be able to light outside this Hanukkah without worrying about the oil thingies going out and thus be better able to perform the miswah of publicizing the miracle.

Notable news: “Study links bake sales, weight problems”, “US unprepared for disaster, study finds”, and “Study Flunks State Science Standards”.

Reminder: Enter the The Weird Thing of the Day Dune Fantastic Religion Contest for a chance to win fame and glory, and to get to pick the weird thing of the day for a week.

Today’s weird thing is two somethings from Emily’s collection that were bundled together in one file, included below. Enjoy.

Aaron



Art thou hungry?

God greets Mother Teresa at the Pearly Gates. "Art thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asks God. "I could eat," Mother Teresa replies. So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread, and they share it.

While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and fine wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, Mother Teresa remains quiet.

The next day God again invites Mother Teresa to join him for a meal. Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Once again looking down, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates. Still Mother Teresa says nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrives, and another can of tuna is opened.

Mother Teresa can contain herself no longer. Meekly, she says: "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in Heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! Forgive me, O God, but I just don't understand..."

God sighs. "Oy, let's be honest, Mother Teresa," God says. "For just two people, does it pay to cook?"


Gas Prices-Expensive?
You Think A Gallon Of Gas Is Expensive?

Makes one think, and puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 $10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 $9.52 per gallon

Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 $10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 $10.00 per gallon

Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 $33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 $178.13 per gallon

Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 $123.20 per gallon

Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 $25.42 per gallon

Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 $84.48 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER......

Evian water 9 oz for $1.49 $21.19 per gallon

$21.19 FOR WATER!....and the buyers don't even know the source.

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil, or Scope, or Whiteout.
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