I’m feeling a little dazed by having both a qiddush in my honor and holding a siyyum yesterday. This week I get to face paperwork. (Ugh!)
Today’s news and commentary, some of which Barry is responsible for:
- “Study finds mercury fillings not harmful”
- “Kofi Shrugs”
- “CBS Releases Details On Remastered Star Trek” (Heresy! Heresy!)
- “Gene-therapy results touted in 2 advanced-cancer cases”
- “Sudan gov't launches Darfur offensive” (Someone please invade Sudan and replace the government with one that respects non-Arabs.)
- “McDonald's succumbs to hedgehogs' needs”
- “Jewish New Year's Coming (1989)”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.
OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going.
Rush Limbaugh: He was going across the street to pick up a package for me.
Condoleezza Rice: We must try to understand that this Administration is using every diplomatic effort to try and stop the chicken from crossing the road.
Al Sharpton: It is the chicken's constitutional right to cross this road!
Louis Farrakhan: We must fight against the oppression of our fellow poultry and wild fowl alike. We must take a stand and cross the road "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!"