Today is The Scream Day, a holiday invented by me yesterday, reflecting the stress involved with switching to a new computer. Said computer should be ordered today.
Today’s news and commentary, some of which Barry is responsible for:
- “(1980) The "Good Guys"”
- “Ahmadinejad: The Visionary”
- “NY bus converted into oven for matzos”
- “Most angioplasties unneeded, study finds”
- “Rare Semi-Identical Twins Discovered”
- “Battling Bacteria with a Viral Protein”
- “Fiendish fables about Orthodox Jews” (Major rule for morality: you only get to judge people based on objective reality. After all, if someone is actually evil, then the evidence should reflect this, and there is no point in making up lies about them. This applies with regard to any group and individuals, not just Orthodox Jews.)
- “Smugglers toss hundreds of refugees to sharks”
- “Woman stopped wearing girdle of live crocodiles” (I cannot make something like this up.)
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate at the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the! gate looked like pure gold.
He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water? the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in too?" the traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued on the way he had been going. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree, and reading a! book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there." The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in."
"How about my friend, here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl, took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man, who was standing by a tree, waiting for them.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," was the answer.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"!
"No, I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."