Strike back at EULAs with a seller license agreement!

Greetings.

Jewish date:  9 ’Iyyar 5770 (Parashath ’Aḥare Moth-Qedhoshim).

Today’s quasi-holiday:  World Book and Copyright Day, Laboratory Day, Global Youth Service Day.

Worthy causes of the day:  “PETITION: NO "TOO BIG FOR JAIL" | Progressive Change Campaign Committee”, “Heart Disease and Stroke. You’re the Cure.”, “ColorOfChange.org:  Keep the Internet open”, and “World Jewish Congress - Support for Israel”, and “Stop KFC From Destroying Our Forests - The Petition Site”.

Today’s news and commentary:

• “Cows on Treadmills Produce Electricity for Farms”:  I really cannot come up with stuff like this.
  
• “Chemotherapy versus death from cancer”
  
• “Scientists measure atomic nudge”
  
• “Norovirus: Q&A”:  Submitted by someone worrying about these little monsters spreading around.
  
• “Wisconsin Legislators Approve State Microbe”
• “The User’s Manifesto: in defense of hacking, modding, and jailbreaking”
  
• “The Party of No Credibility”:  Interesting use of statistics as applied to politics and rumors.

That last article reminded your humble blogger of something he wrote a while back relevant to the topic of end user licensing agreements (EULAs) while in a state of annoyance.  As such, today’s weird thing, included below, is a draft of the opposite of a EULA:  a seller licensing agreement.  Note that your humble blogger is not a lawyer, so he cannot be sure it is actually legal.  Considering its draft status, suggestions for improvements, including ways of making it legal, would be appreciated.  Enjoy and share the weirdness.

Aaron

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Image showing where the seller must walk around dressed in a chicken suit highlighted in red via Wikipedia

This is a seller license agreement.  The author of this agreement finds the end user license agreements used on-line and in software so dull and long that he suspects their purpose is to make the end user agree to things he/she would never agree to otherwise.  Therefore he deems them worthy of parody and downright sabotage.

This agreement overrides all end user license agreements, and unless another agreement is specially made in advance with the user, the seller agrees to follow it.  If you do not agree with any of its provisions, do not sell your product to this end user.  Complaining by the seller after the fact is not valid and carries a fine of ten times the what the user paid for the product, including shipping, handling, and taxes.  After all, it was your responsibility to read the seller license agreement, and you failed to do so.  Failure to pay up within three days means the seller agrees to dress in a chicken suit and walk around Peoria, Illinois for three hours straight during business hours while carrying a sign which reads “I DID NOT READ THE SELLER LICENSE AGREEMENT”.

All end user license agreements made by pressing a button are not valid.  All end user license agreements written in legal jargon are not valid.  All end user license agreements presented to the user in such a way as to make it annoying to read the entire agreement are not valid.  All end user license agreements designed in any way, shape, or form so that the end user will probably not read them are not valid.

The user has the right to complete fair use of the product.  He/she is entitled to copy it into any medium for his/her own personal use.  He/she is entitled to copy electronic versions off the Internet for his/her own personal use.  He/she is entitled to break any and all forms of copy protection on the product.  He/she is entitled to make however many backups he/she wishes in any form he/she wishes.

The user agrees to respect the copyright of the product.  The user will not claim a copyrighted product as his/her own, and he/she will not pirate the product.  If the user gives away or sells the product, he/she will erase all copies of the product from his/her hard drive and give to the new owner all the original disks and manuals.