Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Weird thing of the day 31 May 2005/22 'Iyyar 5765 (Day 37 of the `Omer)


Science-fiction update: Run for your lives! Rick Berman is thinking about doing another Star Trek movie!

Bobby Awesome, if you will remember, is hard at work at finding a way to increase my income. He has finally given me his first suggestion, namely to charge for posting advertising on my blog. He even found the first ad, which will follow today’s weird thing. I am not sure I want to do this regularly, but I figure it’s worth a try.

Today’s weird thing is “Top Ten Reasons Why the Star Wars Characters Would Kick Butt in the Star Trek Universe”, which is included below. (Yes, I am trying to go through all the weird Star Wars material on my hard drive.) Enjoy.



10) In the Star Wars Universe weapons are rarely, if ever, set on "stun".

9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp --- The Millennium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.

8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable --- After pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.

7) One word: Lightsabers.

6) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.

5) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.

4) Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.

3) Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.

2) The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named "Slave I".

1) Picard pilots the Enterprise through asteroid belts at one-quarter
impluse power --- Han Solo floors it.


Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group

An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would enjoy galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of and competence in the Force or demonstrate a willingness to learn. Duties included:

Performing competitive intelligence, hands-on intervention in support of the Sith Master’s planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy widely, and operating a variety of laser-powered hand weapons and high-powered space/air vehivles. Some slaying of the enemies of the Dark Side is also required, which may be performed by using the Force or hand weapons.

Qualified applicants would possess good communications skills (especially when speaking in menacing whispers), and would be action-oriented individuals and risk takers. A background in the study of the Force (light or dark) is desirable, as would typically be acquired by those with advanced degrees or significant coursework in Jedi Arts from the University of Coruscant.

Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot’s license for all classes of ships, and must show a willingness to give in to their hate. A proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind tricks to control others is also desirable as is the ability to speak several galactic languages.

Ideal candidates for this position would also have no children or other living relatives who are strong in the ways of the Force. (A new hire would be given several weeks to meet this requirement.) Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience, and is extremely competitive for the field. Benefits include a generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark-colored clothing allowance.

The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works closely with the Sith Master and experience in such small, team-based organizations is vital to the success of the Master’s plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens.

Applications will be accepted through the end of August. Transmit them holographically to Jobs@darkside.com.

(Dark Side CG™ is a small and highly-focused organization founded a long time ago. Our core values reflect the short-term advantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power and the long-term desirability of controlling the galaxy. We provide direction to our partner organizations though knowledge management, incident control and our rapid on-site intervention expertise.)
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