Employment, or rather lack thereof

Greetings.

My hooding ceremony was last Thursday, and commencement was Friday. I am now, without any questions, a PhD.

One of the things I have been trying to do, but have not yet been successful at, is getting a job. To that end, I would like to advertise this need on my blog, in the hopes that someone reading this will hire me, direct me to someone who will hire me, or direct someone who will hire me to my blog.

Desired job: Epidemiologist. (See my curiculum vitae.)

Other jobs I would be willing to do (not an exhaustive list):

• Statistician. The mathematics I use for epidemiology can be applied to other problems as well.
  
• Macintosh guru and all-around computer expert. People routinely mistake me for technical support. I might as well get paid for it.
  
• Teacher. This is a skill I may well need to develop anyway.
  
• Theologian. I am working on an innovative book on religious fallacies and misinformation as a side project. If someone wants to pay me to work on it full-time, I would be quite willing to do so.
  
• Pundit. I do do punditry from time to time on this blog, but I am too busy with other things (such as job-hunting) to do much of it. Note that punditry can be combined with other items on this list.
  
• Writer of fiction and other creative stuff.

Desired location: Within decent commuting distance of Bloomington, Indiana.

Any help anyone can provide would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Aaron