Greetings.
Note: My “About Aaron” page has been updated since yesterday was my birthday.
Cool archaeological discoveries: “A Is for Ancient, Describing an Alphabet Found Near Jerusalem” and “Goliath's name found in Israeli archaeological dig”.
Commendable behavior: “The Kalamazoo Promise: Helping students go to college for free”.
Condemnable behavior: “Asian communist states hit in US religion report”.
Today’s weird thing is a story from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being
a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started
Kindergarten. She walked him to school the couple of days but when he came
home one day, he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to
school everyday. He wanted to be like the "big boys." He protested loudly,
so she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs.
Goodnest, if she would surreptitiously follow her son to school, at a
distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but close enough to
keep a watch on him.
Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it
would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well so she agreed.
The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out
following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he
knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, the little friend
of Timmy noticed that this same lady was following them as she seemed to do
every day all week. Finally, he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady
following us all week? Do you know her?"
Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yea, I know who she is."
The little friend said, "Well who is she?"
"That's just Shirley Goodnest" Timmy said.
"Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?"
"Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm
with my prayers cuz she worries about me so much. And in it, the prayer
psalm says, "Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my
life." so I guess I'll just have to get used to it.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
About Aaron
Who is this guy?
Aaron is a scientific-rationalist Orthodox Jew, a descendant of הגאון רב אליהו, and a fan of אבן עזרא. He is single, 33 years old, and currently a graduate student in the epidemiology program at the Medical University of South Carolina. He self-identifies as Litvak. He is a creative, unconventional, and inspired thinker, and he holds the title of Official Introvert of the Internet, though he is happy to talk to people (including about his religious views). He enjoys a good argument, acts as backup תורה reader for the local shtibl, and gives דברי תורה unlike anything you’ve heard before. He makes critically acclaimed cholent. He hopes to get his PhD soon, and then get a postdoctoral position in Israel; he certainly expects to leave Charleston for some place with a bigger Jewish community where there are more epidemiology jobs (such as Atlanta). He intends to do Israel-related epidemiology professionally due to an interest in the land and its people, and to have an excuse to visit (and get paid for it) or even make עליה. He is a fan of the Dvorak keyboard and inventor of a Hebrew equivalent. His motto is “Compute dangerously.” He can solve various cubic puzzles. He hopes to help make it possible for משיח to come sooner by raising kids so as to increase their chances of being able to be members of the סנהדרין. His professional goal with regard to epidemiology is to study cool, interesting stuff (plenty of such topics are available) and help prevent some preventable suffering. He wears ציציות with תכלת. He is strict on monotheism, so he cannot recite anything suggestive of worship of any entity other than ה׳. He has major doubts about the קבלה. He is an evolutionist, viewing the creation of humanity having being accomplished by Divine selective breeding. He believes the term “Modern Orthodox” is a misnomer used to obscure the fact that the great rationalist Judaic thinkers of the past (including and especially the אמוראים) were all “Modern Orthodox”. He believes that blind faith is a liability and not a virtue. His liturgical pronunciation of Hebrew is quasi-Yemenite. Life around him is never dull. He’s a nonconformist, an avid reader, a writer of strange stories in English, a translator of Carrollian material into Hebrew, and enjoys punching holes in logical absurdities. He hopes to eventually do theological experiments. One day he may yet make a living looking at other people’s statistical computations and telling them that everything they’ve done is dead wrong. He would also someday like to publish some of his unusual writings. He frequently finds the antics of children amusing and prays that this amusement continues when he is a parent.
What does he look like?
Aaron is 167 cm tall and weights about 60 kg. He has multicolored hair (color varies significantly over his head, and some strands are even blond at the root and dark at the tip). He’s worn glasses since the third grade and a beard since he graduated from high school. He bears a striking resemblance to Trey Anastasio, lead guitarist of Phish.
What are his hobbies and interests?
Learning (תנ״ך, משנה, גמרא, הלכה, historical background material, and lately גר״א- and קבלה-related material; heavily on שבת but also trying to fit it into “cracks” between other stuff during the week), reading (wide variety of subjects), writing strange stories, epidemiology, religious/theological epistemology, experimental theology, computers (Mac OS X and Unicode fanatic, enjoys R), cheering for monsters when reading or watching bad (or even good) science fiction, playing classical guitar (from time to time), and growing miniature roses.
Where was he born?
Washington, DC.
What sort of preferences does he have? (Borrowed from surveys people put on the Net and sent him.)
What does Aaron want?
Aaron is looking for a single rationalist Orthodox Jewish woman. She must be intelligent and knowledgeable Judaically. A knowledge of science and a working knowledge of Hebrew are extremely desirable. He also considers a sense of humor, an appreciation of the bizarre, a deep weird streak, a bit of cynicism, and glasses attractive, though not strictly necessary. For him an ideal date would be being with the right person and exchanging חידושים; the exact setting is mere טפל.
What’s that parenthesized text in the middle of his English name?
That’s his patronymic (i.e., it tells what his father’s name is, i.e., Saul Joseph Adelman). He has unofficially added a patronymic to his English name out of pride in his Jewish heritage, and for religious purposes Jews use patronymics and matronymics instead of surnames.
What other names is Aaron known by?
What does he eat?
Cholent, tuna, salmon, cherry tomatoes, olives, and steamed vegetables.
What isn’t Aaron that he’s been mistaken for?
What sort of rare and unusual stuff is he looking for (seriously, in no particular order)?
What sort of rare and unusual stuff is he looking for (not seriously)?
What is Aaron’s policy with regard to people sending him spam?
Anyone who sends Aaron any message trying to sell him anything or trying to get him to take part in any illicit or foolhardy scheme implicitly agrees to pay him US$10,000.00. Likewise, anyone who signs Aaron up to any mailing list without his prior explicit consent, who tries to solicit him to commit any improper behavior, or who gives any information about him to any marketing company without his prior explicit consent implicitly agrees to fork over $1,000. All payments are payable in cash. Complaining about not having read this notice costs another $10,000.
Note: Aaron does not discourage people from sending E-mail to him. Only people trying to make a buck off of him have anything to fear.
Aaron is a scientific-rationalist Orthodox Jew, a descendant of הגאון רב אליהו, and a fan of אבן עזרא. He is single, 33 years old, and currently a graduate student in the epidemiology program at the Medical University of South Carolina. He self-identifies as Litvak. He is a creative, unconventional, and inspired thinker, and he holds the title of Official Introvert of the Internet, though he is happy to talk to people (including about his religious views). He enjoys a good argument, acts as backup תורה reader for the local shtibl, and gives דברי תורה unlike anything you’ve heard before. He makes critically acclaimed cholent. He hopes to get his PhD soon, and then get a postdoctoral position in Israel; he certainly expects to leave Charleston for some place with a bigger Jewish community where there are more epidemiology jobs (such as Atlanta). He intends to do Israel-related epidemiology professionally due to an interest in the land and its people, and to have an excuse to visit (and get paid for it) or even make עליה. He is a fan of the Dvorak keyboard and inventor of a Hebrew equivalent. His motto is “Compute dangerously.” He can solve various cubic puzzles. He hopes to help make it possible for משיח to come sooner by raising kids so as to increase their chances of being able to be members of the סנהדרין. His professional goal with regard to epidemiology is to study cool, interesting stuff (plenty of such topics are available) and help prevent some preventable suffering. He wears ציציות with תכלת. He is strict on monotheism, so he cannot recite anything suggestive of worship of any entity other than ה׳. He has major doubts about the קבלה. He is an evolutionist, viewing the creation of humanity having being accomplished by Divine selective breeding. He believes the term “Modern Orthodox” is a misnomer used to obscure the fact that the great rationalist Judaic thinkers of the past (including and especially the אמוראים) were all “Modern Orthodox”. He believes that blind faith is a liability and not a virtue. His liturgical pronunciation of Hebrew is quasi-Yemenite. Life around him is never dull. He’s a nonconformist, an avid reader, a writer of strange stories in English, a translator of Carrollian material into Hebrew, and enjoys punching holes in logical absurdities. He hopes to eventually do theological experiments. One day he may yet make a living looking at other people’s statistical computations and telling them that everything they’ve done is dead wrong. He would also someday like to publish some of his unusual writings. He frequently finds the antics of children amusing and prays that this amusement continues when he is a parent.
What does he look like?
Aaron is 167 cm tall and weights about 60 kg. He has multicolored hair (color varies significantly over his head, and some strands are even blond at the root and dark at the tip). He’s worn glasses since the third grade and a beard since he graduated from high school. He bears a striking resemblance to Trey Anastasio, lead guitarist of Phish.
What are his hobbies and interests?
Learning (תנ״ך, משנה, גמרא, הלכה, historical background material, and lately גר״א- and קבלה-related material; heavily on שבת but also trying to fit it into “cracks” between other stuff during the week), reading (wide variety of subjects), writing strange stories, epidemiology, religious/theological epistemology, experimental theology, computers (Mac OS X and Unicode fanatic, enjoys R), cheering for monsters when reading or watching bad (or even good) science fiction, playing classical guitar (from time to time), and growing miniature roses.
Where was he born?
Washington, DC.
What sort of preferences does he have? (Borrowed from surveys people put on the Net and sent him.)
- Adidas, Nike, or Reebok: None of the above.
- Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous?: I write with my right hand, but I use my left hand for a lot more than just scratching my right elbow.
- Best feeling in the world: “Woohoo! I just slew Bill Gates!”
- Chocolate or vanilla?: Both.
- Croutons or bacon bits: He keeps כשר; take a wild guess.
- Do you eat the stems of broccoli?: No. Broccoli is the work of the יצר הרע!
- Do you like to drive?: People crazy? Yes.
- Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: No. I’m only interested in flesh-and-blood human females.
- Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?: I use both sides of the keyboard. This is especially critical for me, since I use the Dvorak keyboard; if I used only the right keys, I wouldn’t be able to type any vowels.
- Dream car: Electric/solar and not requiring much maintenance.
- Favorite alcoholic drink: Any he is not drinking. (Aaron does not like the taste of alcohol.)
- Favorite board game?: I don’t play board games. They’re all too boaring.
- Favorite food: Unstable preference.
- Favorite foods: Anything home-made with love.
- Favorite ice cream: Strawberry.
- Favorite magazines: Any science magazine with cool stuff in it.
- Favorite movie of all time: Undecided.
- Favorite movie seen recently: There are too many bad movies that are fun to make fun of to answer this question.
- Favorite movies?: Anything with a plot or at least New York being trashed by a giant monster, but especially the (original trio of) Star Wars movies.
- Favorite perfume or cologne: Deodorant.
- Favorite salad dressing: Russian.
- Favorite smells: Any delicious food cooking, cinnamon.
- Favorite soft drink: Papaya juice.
- Favorite soundtracks: People listen to soundtracks?
- Favorite sports to watch: No sport is fun to watch, though the fans of some of the more violent sports (hockey, football) can be fun to watch.
- Favorite subject in school: Epidemiology.
- Favorite town to chill in: Anywhere but Charleston.
- Favorite type of music: Severely classical.
- Favorite Web site: Undecided. Too many to choose from.
- Have you ever been in love?: No. I haven’t been in Love. The only country besides the USA I have been to so far is Canada.
- How many rings before you answer the phone?: Depends on whether I can get someone else to answer it.
- If you could dye your hair any color, what would it be?: Fluorescent.
- If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?: Professional goof-off.
- If you could meet one person dead or alive, who would it be?: Moses, preferably alive. Dead people do not make good company.
- Is the glass half empty or half full?: Both. The terms mean the same thing.
- Least favorite subject: Anything involving differential equations.
- One pillow or two: One.
- Present (future) daughter’s name: שושנה, דבורה, הדסה. (Strong preference for Biblical Hebrew names. Hates the idea of giving kids different Hebrew and English names; no sense in creating needless confusion. Also adverse to using names that have been used so much as to have been reduced to meaninglessness.)
- Present (future) son’s name: גדעון, אליהו, עזרא, מטטרון. (Same comments as previous. Also: how many people named מטטרון have you ever heard of? The kid would be unique!)
- Roller coaster-scary or exciting?: Neither.
- Say one nice thing about the person who sent this to you: She’s a wonderful person who’s full of love!
- Shampoo or conditioner: Shampoo.
- Storms-cool or scary?: Cool, unless I happen to be outside in a thunderstorm.
- Toothpaste: Blue gel.
- What do you think about ouija boards?: They’re very useful for scamming stupid people.
- What is on the walls of your favorite room?: Blue paint.
- What is on your mouse pad?: Not applicable. I use graphics tablet.
- What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning?: <ZOMBIE>"Must kill alarm clock."</ZOMBIE>
- What is under your bed?: Ancient computer equipment, plywood, and scary monsters.
- What is your favorite number?: 17.
- What is your zodiac sign?: Anything from Virgo to Scorpio. Thinking of changing it to Telescopium.
- What type was your first car?: Matchbox.
- Worst feeling in the world: “Now where did I put that antimatter bomb? Uh-oh...”
- Your favorite TV shows?: Nothing on the air these days.
What does Aaron want?
Aaron is looking for a single rationalist Orthodox Jewish woman. She must be intelligent and knowledgeable Judaically. A knowledge of science and a working knowledge of Hebrew are extremely desirable. He also considers a sense of humor, an appreciation of the bizarre, a deep weird streak, a bit of cynicism, and glasses attractive, though not strictly necessary. For him an ideal date would be being with the right person and exchanging חידושים; the exact setting is mere טפל.
What’s that parenthesized text in the middle of his English name?
That’s his patronymic (i.e., it tells what his father’s name is, i.e., Saul Joseph Adelman). He has unofficially added a patronymic to his English name out of pride in his Jewish heritage, and for religious purposes Jews use patronymics and matronymics instead of surnames.
What other names is Aaron known by?
- Nails (usually used by his brother Barry)
- Mountain-Man (obsolete)
- Hiergargo (used mainly by Aaron; those who understand the reference will probably be puzzled, and those who don’t will be definitely be puzzled)
- ☺ (meant for use in ideographic writing systems)
What does he eat?
Cholent, tuna, salmon, cherry tomatoes, olives, and steamed vegetables.
What isn’t Aaron that he’s been mistaken for?
- An Englishman, based on his accent
- An Australian
- A Russian (based on that he has sometimes worn a Bukhari yarmalke)
- An observant Muslim, possibly more than once
- An Irishman, probably based on his (partially) red hair
- A neo-Nazi, based on a severe misunderstanding of his nickname “Hiergargo”
- A חסיד, once for a Lubavitcher twice in the space of half an hour
- An Amish man
What sort of rare and unusual stuff is he looking for (seriously, in no particular order)?
- Information on postdoctoral epidemiology positions, especially those in Israel.
- Works of the גאון רב אליהו, ר׳ חיים וולאזין, and אבן עזרא, in print or in electronic format.
- A Rubik’s Revenge, Megaminx, Pyraminx Magic Tetrahedron, Pyraminx Magic Octahedron, ImpossiBall, and other similar puzzles.
- Identification of the reference: “We are the Metatron.” Aaron has a dim memory of this being spoken by some sort of cylindrical robot in a cartoon, but he is very uncertain on any details. (Yes, Aaron does know who the original Metatron is.)
- Anything by Lewis Carroll translated into Hebrew.
- Hebrew and Aramaic texts, especially pointed ones, in computer format.
- MIDI files of classical music altered so that the instruments are those of modern rock music.
- Non-Famous-Forty Oz books for his collection, especially anything by March Laumer.
- The right woman (see above).
- To know what the terms “best boy” and “grip” refer to in credits.
- Very big scanned photographs (1,280 by 1,024 pixels or bigger) of places in Israel for use as desktop pictures on his PowerBook.
- NEXTSTEP and OPENSTEP icons.
- A viola da gamba, electric and cheap.
What sort of rare and unusual stuff is he looking for (not seriously)?
- 10 kg of antihydrogen.
- A lightning bolt caught in a jar.
- A snark.
- A snorg beast, which is a sort of large-tongued creature which in served in fine Italian restaurants with bread sticks.
- A steamroller, so he can participate in the Sixth Annual National Championship Steamroller Race.
- Photographs of Udovorum magnum and Udovorum parvum, or in everyday language, the greater and lesser sock-eating monsters. These are suspected of consuming his laundry.
What is Aaron’s policy with regard to people sending him spam?
Anyone who sends Aaron any message trying to sell him anything or trying to get him to take part in any illicit or foolhardy scheme implicitly agrees to pay him US$10,000.00. Likewise, anyone who signs Aaron up to any mailing list without his prior explicit consent, who tries to solicit him to commit any improper behavior, or who gives any information about him to any marketing company without his prior explicit consent implicitly agrees to fork over $1,000. All payments are payable in cash. Complaining about not having read this notice costs another $10,000.
Note: Aaron does not discourage people from sending E-mail to him. Only people trying to make a buck off of him have anything to fear.
Friday, November 11, 2005
9 Marheshwan 5766/11 October 2005: Veterans Day/Sadie Hawkins Day
Greetings.
Relevant to today’s holidays: The History of Veteran's Day and Sadie Hawkins.
Also of note:
Oh, yes, latest messing with Google AdSense: Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah.
(I’m planning on buying a windproof menorah this year, and I’m curious as to whether any are available besides the one I’ve found already on-line. Maybe this repetition will help.)
Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
Relevant to today’s holidays: The History of Veteran's Day and Sadie Hawkins.
Also of note:
- “ADL Praises Jordan for Efforts to Cancel Anti-Semitic TV Series” (It's about time.)
- “Televangelist Robertson warns town of God's wrath” (On the contrary, may God kick out of office all politicians at all levels who dare abuse their positions.)
- “A Crime Without a Name” (You may want to E-mail your congresspeople about this one. You may want to contact the White House, the Senate, and the House of Representatives and let them know this is important.)
Oh, yes, latest messing with Google AdSense: Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah. Menorah.
(I’m planning on buying a windproof menorah this year, and I’m curious as to whether any are available besides the one I’ve found already on-line. Maybe this repetition will help.)
Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
Thursday, November 10, 2005
8 Marheshwan 5766/10 November 2005: Marine Corps Day
Greetings.
Religio-political sermonizing: If you haven’t heard by now the Kansas Board of Education has approved new standards approving the teaching of “intelligent design” in the classroom. Very disturbingly, this blatant violation of the US Constitution is being promoted as improving science standards. What those fools (and I do not use that term lightly) do not understand is that creationism (whatever it may be called) lost out scientifically because it is not consistent with the evidence we have of the Earth's past. Rather than try to come to terms with current knowledge, as past greats did in their own time, creationists have tried to subvert science in public relations and in the courts. "Intelligent design" is just a pseudosecular manifestation of this which does not explicitly state the designer of all life is God. Considering that all physical reality is a manifestation of God’s will, assuming that a simplistic interpretation of the open sections of Genesis is infallible is tantamount to claiming that God is wrong or has deliberately created traces of a past that never happened. It is about time that people reconciled themselves to living in the world that God actually put us in, started treating the first 11 chapters of Genesis as the esoteric material they are, and started worrying about real problems, such as how to make this world a better place. God gave us enough wisdom to realize that long-held philosophical notions such as Ptolemaic cosmology and the doctrine of the four elements are wrong; it is time we used this knowledge to do away with creationism as well and recognize that what makes humanity special is not the untenable notion that we are completely different from the rest of the natural world but rather the miracle that we can be holy, worthy beings even though we are animals. By the way, if anyone thinks it’s unchristian to believe in evolution, he/she can tell it to the Vatican.
Today’s weird thing is “the Future is Wild™”, which is a rather strange notion of the direction future evolution will take. Enjoy, and beware of terrestrial squid.
Aaron
Religio-political sermonizing: If you haven’t heard by now the Kansas Board of Education has approved new standards approving the teaching of “intelligent design” in the classroom. Very disturbingly, this blatant violation of the US Constitution is being promoted as improving science standards. What those fools (and I do not use that term lightly) do not understand is that creationism (whatever it may be called) lost out scientifically because it is not consistent with the evidence we have of the Earth's past. Rather than try to come to terms with current knowledge, as past greats did in their own time, creationists have tried to subvert science in public relations and in the courts. "Intelligent design" is just a pseudosecular manifestation of this which does not explicitly state the designer of all life is God. Considering that all physical reality is a manifestation of God’s will, assuming that a simplistic interpretation of the open sections of Genesis is infallible is tantamount to claiming that God is wrong or has deliberately created traces of a past that never happened. It is about time that people reconciled themselves to living in the world that God actually put us in, started treating the first 11 chapters of Genesis as the esoteric material they are, and started worrying about real problems, such as how to make this world a better place. God gave us enough wisdom to realize that long-held philosophical notions such as Ptolemaic cosmology and the doctrine of the four elements are wrong; it is time we used this knowledge to do away with creationism as well and recognize that what makes humanity special is not the untenable notion that we are completely different from the rest of the natural world but rather the miracle that we can be holy, worthy beings even though we are animals. By the way, if anyone thinks it’s unchristian to believe in evolution, he/she can tell it to the Vatican.
Today’s weird thing is “the Future is Wild™”, which is a rather strange notion of the direction future evolution will take. Enjoy, and beware of terrestrial squid.
Aaron
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
7 Marheshwan 5766/9 November 2005
Greetings.
Stuff I’m trying to get off my desktop:
Aaron
COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM
In order to streamline the handling of problems within the system, please fill out the following questionnaire before sending it in for help. With your cooperation we should be able to provide faster and more efficient fault resolution.
1. Describe your problem:
____________________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
____________________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__
5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__
12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
14. If 'Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
____________________________________________________
15. How tall are you? Are you above this line?
____________________________________________________
16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
____________________________________________________
17. If 'nothing' explain why you were logged in.
____________________________________________________
18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
19. How does this problem make you feel?
___________________________________________________
20. Tell me about your childhood.
___________________________________________________
21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__
22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__
Stuff I’m trying to get off my desktop:
- “Church: Anti-war sermon imperils tax status” (Shame on the IRS!)
- “No Nasa millions for irate Russian astrologer” (I cannot make something like this up!)
- “Israel welcomes proposed Red Cross symbol” (What they don’t tell you is that the Muslim countries cannot stand the notion of putting the Maghen Dawidh ’Adhom (Red Star of David) on the same level as the Red Crescent, as that would imply that Islam is not superior to Judaism. This bigoted nonsense has kept the Maghen Dawidh ’Adhom out of the International Red Cross and Red Crescent Society for years, and the proposed “compromise” is to replace the Red Star of David with a red “crystal”. I will believe it is an actual compromise when the Red Cross and Red Crescent are also replaced with the Red Crystal.)
- “French riots continue despite curfew threat” (Glossed over is that this is a classic Islamic riot over a perceived offense against Muslims. Still waiting for a real crackdown on such indecent behavior.)
Aaron
COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM
In order to streamline the handling of problems within the system, please fill out the following questionnaire before sending it in for help. With your cooperation we should be able to provide faster and more efficient fault resolution.
1. Describe your problem:
____________________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
____________________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__
5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__
12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
14. If 'Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
____________________________________________________
15. How tall are you? Are you above this line?
____________________________________________________
16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
____________________________________________________
17. If 'nothing' explain why you were logged in.
____________________________________________________
18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
19. How does this problem make you feel?
___________________________________________________
20. Tell me about your childhood.
___________________________________________________
21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__
22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__
Tuesday, November 8, 2005
6 Marheshwan 5766/8 November 2005: “French mechanics and English cooks may be fine”
Greetings.
Today’s weird thing is an article on the unreliability of stereotypes, “French mechanics and English cooks may be fine”. Enjoy and go ponder.
Aaron
Today’s weird thing is an article on the unreliability of stereotypes, “French mechanics and English cooks may be fine”. Enjoy and go ponder.
Aaron
Monday, November 7, 2005
5 Marheshwan 5766/7 October 2005: Notary Public Day
Greetings.
I would have this blog notarized in honor of Notary Public Day, but I have no idea how to do that.
Today’s weird thing is a little something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
English is Easy?
So a 2 letter word has a hundred completely different meanings. So what is this stuff about English being easy?
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meaning than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'.
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we waken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable of the proper uses of UP, look UP the word in the dictionary. In a desk size dictionary, the word 'up' takes UP almost 1/4th the page and definitions add UP to about thirty.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so...
I'll shut UP.
I would have this blog notarized in honor of Notary Public Day, but I have no idea how to do that.
Today’s weird thing is a little something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
English is Easy?
So a 2 letter word has a hundred completely different meanings. So what is this stuff about English being easy?
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meaning than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'.
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we waken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable of the proper uses of UP, look UP the word in the dictionary. In a desk size dictionary, the word 'up' takes UP almost 1/4th the page and definitions add UP to about thirty.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so...
I'll shut UP.
Sunday, November 6, 2005
4 Marheshwan 5766/6 November 2005: Saxophone Day
Greetings.
I am happy to tell you that on Friday, which was Waiting for the Barbarians Day, the Barbarians did show up. Martin and Gertrude Barbarian, who live down the block, showed up, and we had coffee. Very pleasant people.
OK, now that joke’s over, today’s weird thing is the Antarctica Journal of Mathematics. (Go figure, considering the very low population of the continent.) Enjoy.
Aaron
I am happy to tell you that on Friday, which was Waiting for the Barbarians Day, the Barbarians did show up. Martin and Gertrude Barbarian, who live down the block, showed up, and we had coffee. Very pleasant people.
OK, now that joke’s over, today’s weird thing is the Antarctica Journal of Mathematics. (Go figure, considering the very low population of the continent.) Enjoy.
Aaron
Friday, November 4, 2005
2 Marheshwan 5766/4 November 2005: Waiting for the Barbarians Day
Greetings.
In honor of Waiting for the Barbarians Day, today I will be continually alert for the imminent arrival of barbarians. Should any arrive, you will be informed.
In the meantime, today’s weird thing is “Meet the mind readers”. Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
In honor of Waiting for the Barbarians Day, today I will be continually alert for the imminent arrival of barbarians. Should any arrive, you will be informed.
In the meantime, today’s weird thing is “Meet the mind readers”. Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
Thursday, November 3, 2005
1 Marheshwan 5766/3 November 2005: Ro'sh Hodhesh/Sandwich Day
Greetings.
Today’s weird thing is an article about how long we have been hard at work messing up our planet, “Ancient humans 'altered' climate”. Enjoy.
Aaron
Today’s weird thing is an article about how long we have been hard at work messing up our planet, “Ancient humans 'altered' climate”. Enjoy.
Aaron
Wednesday, November 2, 2005
30 Tishri 5766/2 October 2005: Ro'sh Hodhesh Marheshwan
Greetings.
Notable news of the day: “UN designates 27 January Holocaust Memorial Day”. I will be happy about this when the UN actually learns anything from the Holocaust and acts upon it. A more fitting memorial would be to fight all anti-Semitism (whether explicit or disguised as anti-Zionism) and to act against racism and genocide (such as the atrocity in Sudan).
Today’s weird thing is “Together in electric dreams”, which is about an unusual use of statistics. Enjoy.
Aaron
Notable news of the day: “UN designates 27 January Holocaust Memorial Day”. I will be happy about this when the UN actually learns anything from the Holocaust and acts upon it. A more fitting memorial would be to fight all anti-Semitism (whether explicit or disguised as anti-Zionism) and to act against racism and genocide (such as the atrocity in Sudan).
Today’s weird thing is “Together in electric dreams”, which is about an unusual use of statistics. Enjoy.
Aaron
Tuesday, November 1, 2005
29 Tishri 5766/1 November 2005: Plan Your Epitaph Day/National Author's Day/All Saints' Day
Greetings.
Worthy cause of the day: MoveOn.org Political Action: Stop Alito
Notable news of the day: “Unblock Google Cache in China” and “Two More Moons Discovered Orbiting Pluto”. Somehow I envision it being suggested that the two new moons be named Mickey and Donald.
Another silly attempt at distorting Google AdSense: Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant.
Today’s weird thing is “Web surfing costing businesses nearly $200 billion?”, which dips into the the world of questionable statistics. Enjoy.
Aaron
Worthy cause of the day: MoveOn.org Political Action: Stop Alito
Notable news of the day: “Unblock Google Cache in China” and “Two More Moons Discovered Orbiting Pluto”. Somehow I envision it being suggested that the two new moons be named Mickey and Donald.
Another silly attempt at distorting Google AdSense: Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant.
Today’s weird thing is “Web surfing costing businesses nearly $200 billion?”, which dips into the the world of questionable statistics. Enjoy.
Aaron
Monday, October 31, 2005
28 Tishri 5766/31 October 2005: Halloween
Greetings.
Request: Does anyone out there have any good ’ethrogh (citron) recipes? I would like to eat mine rather than let it go bad, and I have been informed that the rind is too bitter to turn into sponge cake. Thanks in advance. (And no, I am not making a “Mr. Citron-Head”.)
Neologism of the day: “Oyful”, a term I invented to describe someone who kept saying “Oy!” an anomalously large number of times within a few minutes.
Today’s weird thing is an example of the silly things people do for Halloween, iAttire. Enjoy.
Aaron
Request: Does anyone out there have any good ’ethrogh (citron) recipes? I would like to eat mine rather than let it go bad, and I have been informed that the rind is too bitter to turn into sponge cake. Thanks in advance. (And no, I am not making a “Mr. Citron-Head”.)
Neologism of the day: “Oyful”, a term I invented to describe someone who kept saying “Oy!” an anomalously large number of times within a few minutes.
Today’s weird thing is an example of the silly things people do for Halloween, iAttire. Enjoy.
Aaron
Sunday, October 30, 2005
27 Tishri 5766/30 October 2005: National Tell A Story Day
Greetings.
I regret to report that one of our regulars at minyan (services), Al Levine, passed away and his funeral is today. As such, I’m not really in the mood to post a weird thing. Sorry, people.
Aaron
I regret to report that one of our regulars at minyan (services), Al Levine, passed away and his funeral is today. As such, I’m not really in the mood to post a weird thing. Sorry, people.
Aaron
Friday, October 28, 2005
25 Tishri 5766/28 October 2005: How to torture people at NATO
Greetings.
Our active correspondent Barry has sent me a few links related to Republican misbehavior:
Aaron
This is for any of you who might have majored in English:
Once you've learned to correctly pronounce every word in the following poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. If you find it tough going, do not despair, you are not alone: Multinational personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) headquarters near Paris found English to be an easy language... until they tried to pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months at hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.
===========================================
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work
Pronunciation-think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough—
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!
Our active correspondent Barry has sent me a few links related to Republican misbehavior:
- “The real meaning of the Plame scandal”
- “WHY BUSH IS UNIMPEACHABLE”
- “Plamegate: Worse than Watergate”
- Iraq on the Record
Aaron
This is for any of you who might have majored in English:
Once you've learned to correctly pronounce every word in the following poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. If you find it tough going, do not despair, you are not alone: Multinational personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) headquarters near Paris found English to be an easy language... until they tried to pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months at hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.
===========================================
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work
Pronunciation-think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough—
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
24 Tishri 5766/27 October 2005: Navy Day
Greetings.
Today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
WHAT A GRAND OL' NAVY IT WAS
The following tale is from the history of the oldest commissioned warship in the world, the USS Constitution. It comes by way of the National Park Service, as printed in "Oceanographic Ships, Fore and Aft", a periodical from the oceanographer of the US Navy.
On 23 August 1779, the USS Constitution set sail from Boston, loaded with 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of water, 74,000 cannon shot, 11,500 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum. Her mission: to destroy and harass English shipping.
On 6 October, she made Jamaica, took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Three weeks later, Constitution reached the Azores, where she provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 2,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
On 18 November, she set sail for England where her crew captured and scuttled 12 English merchant vessels and took aboard their rum. By this time, Constitution had run out of shot. Nevertheless, she made her way unarmed up the Firth of Clyde for a night raid. Here, her landing party captured a whiskey distillery, transferred 13,000 gallons aboard and headed for home.
On 20 February 1780, the Constitution arrived in Boston with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum and no whiskey. She did, however, still carry her crew of 475 officers and men and 18,600 gallons of water.
The math is quite enlightening: Length of cruise: 181 days... Booze consumption: 1.26 gallons per man per day (this does not include the unknown quantify of rum captured from the 12 English merchant vessels in November).
Naval historians say that the re-enlistment rate from this cruise was 92%.
Today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
WHAT A GRAND OL' NAVY IT WAS
The following tale is from the history of the oldest commissioned warship in the world, the USS Constitution. It comes by way of the National Park Service, as printed in "Oceanographic Ships, Fore and Aft", a periodical from the oceanographer of the US Navy.
On 23 August 1779, the USS Constitution set sail from Boston, loaded with 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of water, 74,000 cannon shot, 11,500 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum. Her mission: to destroy and harass English shipping.
On 6 October, she made Jamaica, took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Three weeks later, Constitution reached the Azores, where she provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 2,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
On 18 November, she set sail for England where her crew captured and scuttled 12 English merchant vessels and took aboard their rum. By this time, Constitution had run out of shot. Nevertheless, she made her way unarmed up the Firth of Clyde for a night raid. Here, her landing party captured a whiskey distillery, transferred 13,000 gallons aboard and headed for home.
On 20 February 1780, the Constitution arrived in Boston with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum and no whiskey. She did, however, still carry her crew of 475 officers and men and 18,600 gallons of water.
The math is quite enlightening: Length of cruise: 181 days... Booze consumption: 1.26 gallons per man per day (this does not include the unknown quantify of rum captured from the 12 English merchant vessels in November).
Naval historians say that the re-enlistment rate from this cruise was 92%.
Monday, October 24, 2005
21 Tishri 5766/24 October 2005: Hosha`na’ Rabbah
Greetings.
Mental state: frazzled. I had to get out of my sukkah last night and go inside due to rain, then had to get up early for special Hosha‘na’ Rabbah prayers. I am finding myself thinking about turning my ’ethrogh (citron) into sponge cake.
Today’s weird things are things that are time-limited that are collecting in my פתגמיא folder: “U.S. rejects Katrina meals, offers them to others”, “Indian astrologer lives after predicting own death”, and “Stay-At-Home Mom Goes on Strike”. Enjoy, and hagh sameah.
Aaron
Mental state: frazzled. I had to get out of my sukkah last night and go inside due to rain, then had to get up early for special Hosha‘na’ Rabbah prayers. I am finding myself thinking about turning my ’ethrogh (citron) into sponge cake.
Today’s weird things are things that are time-limited that are collecting in my פתגמיא folder: “U.S. rejects Katrina meals, offers them to others”, “Indian astrologer lives after predicting own death”, and “Stay-At-Home Mom Goes on Strike”. Enjoy, and hagh sameah.
Aaron
Sunday, October 23, 2005
20 Tishri 5766/23 October 2005: Hol hamMo`edh Sukkoth
Greetings.
In the interest of cleaning out my פתגמיא folder, today’s weird thing is “Researcher Takes Aim at Alien Abductions”, which refreshingly notes how people can make the mistake of believing that one has been abducted by aliens. Also note that the people claiming that “alien abductions” are not actual abductions are psychologists, while the person cited as claiming that “alien abductions” are real is an historian.
Personal history side note: I once did see aliens, specifically of the “gray alien” variety. However, since these were the aliens who had abducted Dorothy Gale and brought her to Oz, I feel confident that I was only dreaming.
Enjoy, and Hagh sameah.
Aaron
In the interest of cleaning out my פתגמיא folder, today’s weird thing is “Researcher Takes Aim at Alien Abductions”, which refreshingly notes how people can make the mistake of believing that one has been abducted by aliens. Also note that the people claiming that “alien abductions” are not actual abductions are psychologists, while the person cited as claiming that “alien abductions” are real is an historian.
Personal history side note: I once did see aliens, specifically of the “gray alien” variety. However, since these were the aliens who had abducted Dorothy Gale and brought her to Oz, I feel confident that I was only dreaming.
Enjoy, and Hagh sameah.
Aaron
Friday, October 21, 2005
18 Tishri 5766/21 October 2005: Hol hamMo`edh Sukkoth
Greetings.
Useful thing of the day: Gas Dashboard Widget
I’ve been busy with other things (including having to clear out my sukkah due to it raining), so today’s weird (and political) things will be some articles Barry sent me links to:
Aaron
Useful thing of the day: Gas Dashboard Widget
I’ve been busy with other things (including having to clear out my sukkah due to it raining), so today’s weird (and political) things will be some articles Barry sent me links to:
- “World's Most Elusive Rat Dead After 18-Week Chase”
- “GOP Is Caught Between Alliances” (Cue music of doom.)
- “Arrest warrant issued, bail set for Tom DeLay” (Cue music of doom again.)
- “Navy Sued Over Sonar's Effects on Whales”
- “Are asthmatic cats allergic to humans?”
- “FEMA Official Says Boss Ignored Warnings”
- “Bush says focused on job not 'background noise'”
- “Hunt for Tax Cheats Is Curbed by Governor”
- “DeLay Booked in Houston on Charges”
“College gender gap widens: 57% are women” - “National Guard readiness eroded by Iraq: report”
Aaron
Thursday, October 20, 2005
17 Tishri 5766/20 October 2005: Hol hamMo`edh Sukkoth
Greetings.
Worthy cause of the day: MoveOn.org: Oppose the reverse Robin Hood budget
Today’s weird thing is Matisyahu, billed as “The Hasidic Reggae Superstar”. (I cannot make a combination like this up!) You can read an article on him, or check out his Web-site. Enjoy.
Aaron
Worthy cause of the day: MoveOn.org: Oppose the reverse Robin Hood budget
Today’s weird thing is Matisyahu, billed as “The Hasidic Reggae Superstar”. (I cannot make a combination like this up!) You can read an article on him, or check out his Web-site. Enjoy.
Aaron
Monday, October 17, 2005
14 Tishri 5766/17 October 2005: `Erev Sukkoth
Greetings.
Information on the holiday starting tonight: The Temple Institute: Articles: The Festival of Sukkot (Tabernacles).
Today’s weird thing is a little something from Emily’s collection and included below. As a special bonus, I would also like to point out the Harvey Magila dancing rabbi. Enjoy.
Aaron
GREEN EGGS AND WHAT?
The National Education Association is celebrating "Read Across America"
by encouraging adults to read children.
Of course, Green Eggs and Ham is one of the most popular Dr. Seuss books.
And there's the dilemma. How can Jewish kids celebrate with green
Eggs and HAM?
So, in honor of (and with apologies to the estate of Dr. Seuss) here's a
new ending for the story:
Will you never see?
They are not KOSHER,
So let me be!
I will not eat green eggs and ham.
I will not eat them, Sam-I-am.
But I'll eat green eggs with a biscuit.
Or I will try them with some brisket.
I'll eat green eggs in a box.
If you serve them with some lox.
And those green eggs are worth a try
Scrambled up in matzoh brie!
And in a boat upon the river,
I'll eat green eggs with chopped liver!
So if you're a Jewish Dr. Seuss fan,
But troubled by green eggs and ham,
Let your friends in on the scoop:
Green eggs taste best with chicken soup!
Information on the holiday starting tonight: The Temple Institute: Articles: The Festival of Sukkot (Tabernacles).
Today’s weird thing is a little something from Emily’s collection and included below. As a special bonus, I would also like to point out the Harvey Magila dancing rabbi. Enjoy.
Aaron
GREEN EGGS AND WHAT?
The National Education Association is celebrating "Read Across America"
by encouraging adults to read children.
Of course, Green Eggs and Ham is one of the most popular Dr. Seuss books.
And there's the dilemma. How can Jewish kids celebrate with green
Eggs and HAM?
So, in honor of (and with apologies to the estate of Dr. Seuss) here's a
new ending for the story:
Will you never see?
They are not KOSHER,
So let me be!
I will not eat green eggs and ham.
I will not eat them, Sam-I-am.
But I'll eat green eggs with a biscuit.
Or I will try them with some brisket.
I'll eat green eggs in a box.
If you serve them with some lox.
And those green eggs are worth a try
Scrambled up in matzoh brie!
And in a boat upon the river,
I'll eat green eggs with chopped liver!
So if you're a Jewish Dr. Seuss fan,
But troubled by green eggs and ham,
Let your friends in on the scoop:
Green eggs taste best with chicken soup!
Sunday, October 16, 2005
13 Tishri 5766/16 October 2005: Dictionary Day/Bosses' Day
Greetings.
I now have my lulav and ’ethrogh (palm, myrtle, willow, and citron waved during Sukkoth). Today I get to tie more sisiyyoth.
Unexpected publishing: I would like to note that a while back I posted on my Web-site a list of the books of the Orange Catholic Bible from Frank Herbert’s Dune series. (I have an interest in fictional religions. Remind me sometime to lecture on religion in Star Trek.) Apparently my claim the list is “freeware” was taken to mean it is open source, since the list has reappeared, word for word, in Wikipedia’s article on the Orange Catholic Bible. Not sure whether to count it technically as a violation of the prohibition on stealing; considering I gave a blanket forgiveness during ’Elul, I’m letting it slide.
Side note: I still don’t get why Herbert decided that Zensunnis on Arrakis worship sand-worms. I would have thought the Islamic part of the religion would consider worship of anything material an abomination.
Today’s weird thing is the Dictionary of RPG Cliches. Enjoy.
Aaron
I now have my lulav and ’ethrogh (palm, myrtle, willow, and citron waved during Sukkoth). Today I get to tie more sisiyyoth.
Unexpected publishing: I would like to note that a while back I posted on my Web-site a list of the books of the Orange Catholic Bible from Frank Herbert’s Dune series. (I have an interest in fictional religions. Remind me sometime to lecture on religion in Star Trek.) Apparently my claim the list is “freeware” was taken to mean it is open source, since the list has reappeared, word for word, in Wikipedia’s article on the Orange Catholic Bible. Not sure whether to count it technically as a violation of the prohibition on stealing; considering I gave a blanket forgiveness during ’Elul, I’m letting it slide.
Side note: I still don’t get why Herbert decided that Zensunnis on Arrakis worship sand-worms. I would have thought the Islamic part of the religion would consider worship of anything material an abomination.
Today’s weird thing is the Dictionary of RPG Cliches. Enjoy.
Aaron
Friday, October 14, 2005
11 Tishri 5766/14 October 2005
Greetings.
Worthy cause of the day: MoveOn.org: Replace Simonson, Prepare for a Flu Pandemic
I now have genuine tekheleth on my talith gadhol, I have my sukkah up, and I have submitted a paper to the British Journal of Cancer.
I’m cleaning out my פתגמיא folder again. Several of these things were contributed by Barry. They are in no particular order. Please bear with me. If you’re not an observant Jew, you may want to save some of these for the first two days of Sukkoth, Shemini ‘Asereth, and Simhath Torah, when I will not be posting.
Aaron
Worthy cause of the day: MoveOn.org: Replace Simonson, Prepare for a Flu Pandemic
I now have genuine tekheleth on my talith gadhol, I have my sukkah up, and I have submitted a paper to the British Journal of Cancer.
I’m cleaning out my פתגמיא folder again. Several of these things were contributed by Barry. They are in no particular order. Please bear with me. If you’re not an observant Jew, you may want to save some of these for the first two days of Sukkoth, Shemini ‘Asereth, and Simhath Torah, when I will not be posting.
- “Race, Lies and New Orleans” (I’m not sure how correct it is, but the comments make for an interesting perspective.)
- “Making a Mockery of Conservation”
- “Orphans bear the cost of Aids”
- “Sea farmers struggle to save kelp from predatory urchins”
- “Big Easy Businesses Lack Workers to Hire”
- “Brazil fights oil prices with alcohol”
- “Bush Thanks Soldiers in Rehearsed Talk”
- “Court Rejects EPA Air Pollution Revision”
- “Do Dogs Think? - Owners assume their pet's brain works like their own. That's a big mistake.”
- “Big Lies: Demolishing The Myths of the Propaganda War Against Israel”
- “Looking for work? Consider Al Qaeda...”
- “You need not be paranoid to fear RFID”
- “UNICEF Bombs Smurfs to Highlight Plight”
- “World's vast ranks of the stateless” (See “Big Lies” to find out why there are stateless Arabs.)
- “ETHIOPIA: Domestic violence rampant, says UNFPA”
- “Professor Finds Two-Headed Rattlesnake”
Aaron
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
9 Tishri 5766/12 October 2005: `Erev Yom Kippur/National Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day/Farmer's Day
Greetings.
Consumer notice: Recently I found out that the tekheleth (blue dye used in sisiyyoth) I was using was made from cuttlefish ink. This is not a problem if one is a Radziner Hasidh. However, since I am not a Radziner Hasidh, I follow the majority, archaeologically validated view that tekheleth is supposed to be produced by Murex snails. This necessitated me having to order the correct tekheleth, and it came yesterday. I spent about two hours last night tying sisiyyoth on a talith qatan, and I hope to do the same for a talith gadhol today. The moral of the story: Ask in advance which mollusk your tekheleth comes from before you buy it.
Tomorrow is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. I’d like to take this opportunity to note a truly bizarre inconsistency we have in the Jewish community. Many Jews who are not observant will go to synagogue on Ro’sh hashShanah and Yom Kippur, which is good. What is not good is that they usually drive to do so. This is a problem since it is Biblically prohibited to light a fire on Shabbath or the Biblical festivals (Exodus 35:3), and turning on anything with an internal combustion engine (which works by burning fuel) at such times is thus Biblically prohibited. Any claims that going to synagogue is more important are fatally flawed, since public prayer is not Biblically required. Since Ro’sh hashShanah and Yom Kippur are all about atonement, it is monstrously hypocritical to deliberately drive on Ro’sh hashShanah or Yom Kippur (a Biblical prohibition) in order to pray for forgiveness in synagogue (a Rabbinical obligation, if it qualifies as an obligation at all). Much better that people pray for forgiveness at home instead. Or walk; one may consider the effort involved in walking a penitential act, though if it will result in one needing to rehydrate on Yom Kippur (also a Biblical prohibition), it is still better one stays home.
Note: According to my reasoning above, it is much better that people pray at home rather than drive to synagogue on Shabbath, too.
Have an easy fast, and may you be sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Consumer notice: Recently I found out that the tekheleth (blue dye used in sisiyyoth) I was using was made from cuttlefish ink. This is not a problem if one is a Radziner Hasidh. However, since I am not a Radziner Hasidh, I follow the majority, archaeologically validated view that tekheleth is supposed to be produced by Murex snails. This necessitated me having to order the correct tekheleth, and it came yesterday. I spent about two hours last night tying sisiyyoth on a talith qatan, and I hope to do the same for a talith gadhol today. The moral of the story: Ask in advance which mollusk your tekheleth comes from before you buy it.
Tomorrow is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. I’d like to take this opportunity to note a truly bizarre inconsistency we have in the Jewish community. Many Jews who are not observant will go to synagogue on Ro’sh hashShanah and Yom Kippur, which is good. What is not good is that they usually drive to do so. This is a problem since it is Biblically prohibited to light a fire on Shabbath or the Biblical festivals (Exodus 35:3), and turning on anything with an internal combustion engine (which works by burning fuel) at such times is thus Biblically prohibited. Any claims that going to synagogue is more important are fatally flawed, since public prayer is not Biblically required. Since Ro’sh hashShanah and Yom Kippur are all about atonement, it is monstrously hypocritical to deliberately drive on Ro’sh hashShanah or Yom Kippur (a Biblical prohibition) in order to pray for forgiveness in synagogue (a Rabbinical obligation, if it qualifies as an obligation at all). Much better that people pray for forgiveness at home instead. Or walk; one may consider the effort involved in walking a penitential act, though if it will result in one needing to rehydrate on Yom Kippur (also a Biblical prohibition), it is still better one stays home.
Note: According to my reasoning above, it is much better that people pray at home rather than drive to synagogue on Shabbath, too.
Have an easy fast, and may you be sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
8 Tishri 5766/11 October 2005: Hobbits and bears
Greetings.
I got up late today and am running rather late, so I’ve decided that today’s weird things will be two unusual articles that my RSS reader served up this morning: “More bones of hobbit-sized humans discovered” and “China bear bile farmer eaten by own animals”. Enjoy, and may you be sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
I got up late today and am running rather late, so I’ve decided that today’s weird things will be two unusual articles that my RSS reader served up this morning: “More bones of hobbit-sized humans discovered” and “China bear bile farmer eaten by own animals”. Enjoy, and may you be sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Monday, October 10, 2005
Special National Angel Food Cake Day bonus
Greetings.
Oh, before I forget, I’m getting a little annoyed at some of the ads I’m getting in the sidebar the past few days. Since repeating “Hippo” 100 times worked to bring up advertising for something called “Blue Hippo”, I think I’ll try an experiment to deliberately bias the advertisement-choosing algorithm. Here goes:
Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater.
Thank you for your patience, and let’s see what sort of silly ads are chosen in response to this.
Aaron
Oh, before I forget, I’m getting a little annoyed at some of the ads I’m getting in the sidebar the past few days. Since repeating “Hippo” 100 times worked to bring up advertising for something called “Blue Hippo”, I think I’ll try an experiment to deliberately bias the advertisement-choosing algorithm. Here goes:
Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater. Darth Tater.
Thank you for your patience, and let’s see what sort of silly ads are chosen in response to this.
Aaron
7 Tishri 5766/10 October 2005: National Angel Food Cake Day/Columbus Day/Thanksgiving Day (Canada)
Greetings.
Today I have decided to clean out the folder on my desktop labeled פתגמיא (pithgamayya’, “things” in Aramaic) due to me having no material on angel food cake.
Aaron
Today I have decided to clean out the folder on my desktop labeled פתגמיא (pithgamayya’, “things” in Aramaic) due to me having no material on angel food cake.
- “Palestinian infighting deaths quadrouple since '02”
- “US soldiers barred from torture” (It’s about time.)
- “Vermont gets permission for first-in-the-nation Medicaid program” (AKA “Bush doesn’t care about the poor”.)
- “Senators vent frustration over Katrina aid bill” (AKA “Bush doesn’t care about the needy either”.)
- “All continuity is local” (AKA “We need to fund Jewish education for all Jewish kids NOW”, and the author definitely has a point.)
- “AU suffers Darfur troop losses” (AKA “What peace talks?”)
- And finally, a case study useful for arguing why mysticism is definitely not for everybody (especially not people with insufficient understanding of the religion the mysticism is rooted in), the totally bizarre “Jewish mystics to Madonna: Lay off our sage!”—and I would never dream of making something like this up.
Aaron
Sunday, October 9, 2005
Looks like Nabil Shaath lied
Greetings.
I have an update on Nabil Shaath’s claim that Bush claimed prophecy. According to “Bush God comments 'not literal'”, Shaath has backed down and now only claims that Bush said that God had guided his actions, not prophetically dictated them. That is all.
Aaron
I have an update on Nabil Shaath’s claim that Bush claimed prophecy. According to “Bush God comments 'not literal'”, Shaath has backed down and now only claims that Bush said that God had guided his actions, not prophetically dictated them. That is all.
Aaron
6 Tishri 5766/9 October 2005: Leif Erikson Day/National Poetry Day
Greetings.
In honor of National Poetry Day, today’s weird things are haiku error messages, included below. Urban legend has it these are error messages from the Japanese version of Windows. Though not correct, they are amusing in their own right. Enjoy, and may you be sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
In honor of National Poetry Day, today’s weird things are haiku error messages, included below. Urban legend has it these are error messages from the Japanese version of Windows. Though not correct, they are amusing in their own right. Enjoy, and may you be sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Friday, October 7, 2005
OK, maybe I'm the one going bonkers
Greetings.
I think I may be really out of it. Yes, Bush having a mental disorder that makes him think he is a prophet would explain a lot, such as how he can display unwavering certainty even in the face of contrary evidence to his convictions. However, it is pointed out by Backspin that the claim of Bush claiming prophecy was made by Stateless Arab negotiator Nabil Shaath. The Stateless Arabs have a long history (going back to the 1920s, when their state was the Ottoman Empire) of making bizarre claims for political purposes, a history which is not over yet, so I should have been more skeptical. On the other hand, White House spokesman Scott McClellan denies that Bush ever claimed prophecy, and since the Bush administration lies almost every time it collectively moves its lips, it is plausible that is there is some truth to Shaath’s claim. However, neither reason nor intuition give me any reason to believe one liar over the other. Either could be right, or the truth could be somewhere in
between (e.g., Bush told Shaath that he fought the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and has been pushing for a “Palestinian” state for religious reasons, and Shaath interpreted this as a claim of prophecy). Whatever happened, I intend to pay (hopefully better) attention to how this plays out.
Aaron
I think I may be really out of it. Yes, Bush having a mental disorder that makes him think he is a prophet would explain a lot, such as how he can display unwavering certainty even in the face of contrary evidence to his convictions. However, it is pointed out by Backspin that the claim of Bush claiming prophecy was made by Stateless Arab negotiator Nabil Shaath. The Stateless Arabs have a long history (going back to the 1920s, when their state was the Ottoman Empire) of making bizarre claims for political purposes, a history which is not over yet, so I should have been more skeptical. On the other hand, White House spokesman Scott McClellan denies that Bush ever claimed prophecy, and since the Bush administration lies almost every time it collectively moves its lips, it is plausible that is there is some truth to Shaath’s claim. However, neither reason nor intuition give me any reason to believe one liar over the other. Either could be right, or the truth could be somewhere in
between (e.g., Bush told Shaath that he fought the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and has been pushing for a “Palestinian” state for religious reasons, and Shaath interpreted this as a claim of prophecy). Whatever happened, I intend to pay (hopefully better) attention to how this plays out.
Aaron
4 Tishri 5766/7 October 2005: Bush is totally bonkers
Greetings.
I would like to emphasize in advance that I could not have made up today’s weird thing, which is bizarre enough that I had no doubt it would be today’s weird thing. Yesterday Barry sent me a link to “Bush claimed God told him to invade Iraq, Afghanistan: BBC” (and yes, that title is accurate). I hoped it was merely bad reporting. Unfortunately, Bush’s claim to prophecy was repeated in “Bush: Iraq invasion was my mission from God” this morning. I do not know which deity allegedly has been speaking to our questionably elected president, but it was probably not the God of the Hebrew Bible or the New Testament. If it was the first, Bush would have been read the riot act on his efforts to rid the US of social justice and turn the country into an authoritarian dictatorship, not to mention his idiotic “road map”. If it was the second, Bush would have arguably been told to be pacifistic. In any case, since Bush is not producing any reason to believe him (like a nontrivial prediction or a miracle), he is lying, in which case he is a false prophet and thus deserves death (at the hands of a court only; if you kill him extra-judicially, you are a murderer), or he is delusional. In either case, he is unfit for public office and should be removed immediately. You may want to contact the White House, the Senate, and the House of Representatives about this.
Shabbath shalom, and may you be sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
I would like to emphasize in advance that I could not have made up today’s weird thing, which is bizarre enough that I had no doubt it would be today’s weird thing. Yesterday Barry sent me a link to “Bush claimed God told him to invade Iraq, Afghanistan: BBC” (and yes, that title is accurate). I hoped it was merely bad reporting. Unfortunately, Bush’s claim to prophecy was repeated in “Bush: Iraq invasion was my mission from God” this morning. I do not know which deity allegedly has been speaking to our questionably elected president, but it was probably not the God of the Hebrew Bible or the New Testament. If it was the first, Bush would have been read the riot act on his efforts to rid the US of social justice and turn the country into an authoritarian dictatorship, not to mention his idiotic “road map”. If it was the second, Bush would have arguably been told to be pacifistic. In any case, since Bush is not producing any reason to believe him (like a nontrivial prediction or a miracle), he is lying, in which case he is a false prophet and thus deserves death (at the hands of a court only; if you kill him extra-judicially, you are a murderer), or he is delusional. In either case, he is unfit for public office and should be removed immediately. You may want to contact the White House, the Senate, and the House of Representatives about this.
Shabbath shalom, and may you be sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Thursday, October 6, 2005
3 Tishri 5766/6 October 2005: Fast of Gedhalyah
Greetings.
This is a fast day, and I got in late, so there will be no weird thing for today, especially since I don’t have one planned in advance. Those who wish for something to do may look at the end of the Book of Yirmeyahu (Jeremiah) for the incident commemorated today.
Also, Jehosaphat and Dinah Olsen wish me to convey that their son Robert “Bobby Awesome” Olsen has been grounded for posting to my blog again without permission. Reportedly he said something like “Hippos made me do it”, but his parents did not believe it.
Aaron
This is a fast day, and I got in late, so there will be no weird thing for today, especially since I don’t have one planned in advance. Those who wish for something to do may look at the end of the Book of Yirmeyahu (Jeremiah) for the incident commemorated today.
Also, Jehosaphat and Dinah Olsen wish me to convey that their son Robert “Bobby Awesome” Olsen has been grounded for posting to my blog again without permission. Reportedly he said something like “Hippos made me do it”, but his parents did not believe it.
Aaron
Wednesday, October 5, 2005
yeah like now dude
Greetings.
Today’s weird thing is aaron s a dork who thinks he has to celebrate every holiday 4 2 days how stupid so go look at
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051005/wr_nm/media_internet_starwreck_dc;_ylt=ArYIPT4OepieCjYExjffvjBU.3QA;_ylu=X3oDMTA4ZnRnZjhkBHNlYwMxNjk1
yeah star trek rocks!!!!!!!!!. Enjoy.
bobby awesome
Today’s weird thing is aaron s a dork who thinks he has to celebrate every holiday 4 2 days how stupid so go look at
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051005/wr_nm/media_internet_starwreck_dc;_ylt=ArYIPT4OepieCjYExjffvjBU.3QA;_ylu=X3oDMTA4ZnRnZjhkBHNlYwMxNjk1
yeah star trek rocks!!!!!!!!!. Enjoy.
bobby awesome
Monday, October 3, 2005
29 'Elul 5765/3 October 2005: `Erev Ro'sh hashShanah/National Computing Day
Greetings.
Barry asked me to note “Palestinian police storm into Gaza parliament”. This is actually sort of weird since there was a severe lack of blaming Israel, but instead there was a lot of blaming Abbas for not giving the police the right equipment to fight Hamas. I pray this is a step in the right direction. May you be written and sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Barry asked me to note “Palestinian police storm into Gaza parliament”. This is actually sort of weird since there was a severe lack of blaming Israel, but instead there was a lot of blaming Abbas for not giving the police the right equipment to fight Hamas. I pray this is a step in the right direction. May you be written and sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Sunday, October 2, 2005
28 'Elul 5765/2 October 2005
Greetings.
Seasonal note: Ro’sh hashShanah (the Jewish New Year in Tishri) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement) are a time when we are judged by God. It is clear from the Hebrew Bible that God is eager to forgive us for our sins. If God was intent on punishing us (as some have misinterpreted the Hebrew Bible), He/She would have not bothered encouraging us to repent. Large sections of the Hebrew Bible are dedicated to noting where we have gone astray, noting what the consequences of our mistakes will be, and begging us to get it together and behave ourselves. Indeed, it is said that Yom Kippur itself brings atonement. However, God can only grant forgiveness against Him/Herself; for sins against other humans, one must seek the forgiveness of those one has wronged. I would therefore like to apologize to any of you I have sinned against and ask your forgiveness. I make mistakes regularly in many things that I do, including in how I treat other people, but I am resolved to try to improve myself, even though the road is rough and I will probably never reach the end of it. Knowing that other people are likewise imperfect, I forgive unconditionally those who have sinned against me. We are all in this world together, and maybe if we all try to be a little nicer to each other, we can make it a better place. Thank you for your attention.
Astronomy news: “Scientists Discover 10th Planet's Moon”, and in harmony with the planet being nicknamed “Xena”, they nicknamed the mood “Gabrielle”. (Go figure.)
Today’s weird thing is an article on people admitting blame, “This Just in: Flops Caused Box Office Slump”. Let’s hope this results in better movies in the future. Enjoy.
Aaron
Seasonal note: Ro’sh hashShanah (the Jewish New Year in Tishri) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement) are a time when we are judged by God. It is clear from the Hebrew Bible that God is eager to forgive us for our sins. If God was intent on punishing us (as some have misinterpreted the Hebrew Bible), He/She would have not bothered encouraging us to repent. Large sections of the Hebrew Bible are dedicated to noting where we have gone astray, noting what the consequences of our mistakes will be, and begging us to get it together and behave ourselves. Indeed, it is said that Yom Kippur itself brings atonement. However, God can only grant forgiveness against Him/Herself; for sins against other humans, one must seek the forgiveness of those one has wronged. I would therefore like to apologize to any of you I have sinned against and ask your forgiveness. I make mistakes regularly in many things that I do, including in how I treat other people, but I am resolved to try to improve myself, even though the road is rough and I will probably never reach the end of it. Knowing that other people are likewise imperfect, I forgive unconditionally those who have sinned against me. We are all in this world together, and maybe if we all try to be a little nicer to each other, we can make it a better place. Thank you for your attention.
Astronomy news: “Scientists Discover 10th Planet's Moon”, and in harmony with the planet being nicknamed “Xena”, they nicknamed the mood “Gabrielle”. (Go figure.)
Today’s weird thing is an article on people admitting blame, “This Just in: Flops Caused Box Office Slump”. Let’s hope this results in better movies in the future. Enjoy.
Aaron
Friday, September 30, 2005
26 'Elul 5765/29 September 2005: “'Oy Vey' Traffic Sign Goes Up in Brooklyn”
Greetings.
Various desktop-cluttering news:
Aaron
Various desktop-cluttering news:
- “At ABBA, Go Left to SpongeBob”
- “China Tightens Grip on Internet With New Content, Media Rules”
- “Just say no to expensive cars”
- “5 yrs of intifada: 1,061 Israelis killed” (i.e., considering the number of attacks the Stateless Arabs try, they’re doing a lousy job killing people)
- “Two Teens Ride Horses to School in Utah”
- “Crowd protests lawmakers' pay hikes”
- “Hamas leaders in Gaza go underground” (i.e., they are wusses too cowardly to face death in public)
- “French drivers illegally use vegoil as fuel”
- “MPAA tries to get sneaky (again) with broadcast flag legislation”
- “Israelis sneak into New Orleans to help in post-Katrina chaos”
Aaron
Thursday, September 29, 2005
25 'Elul 5765/29 September 2005
Greetings.
Today’s weird thing is “Intelligent MIDI Sequencing with Hamster Control”. (Go figure.) Enjoy, and may you be written and sealed in the book of life for a new year.
Aaron
Today’s weird thing is “Intelligent MIDI Sequencing with Hamster Control”. (Go figure.) Enjoy, and may you be written and sealed in the book of life for a new year.
Aaron
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Not dead yet, part 2
Greetings.
My mother has sent me E-mail saying that the Red Cross called asking me to donate blood, supplies being low due to the storms. Apparently it takes a while for donation information to propagate through their collective database. Go figure.
Aaron
My mother has sent me E-mail saying that the Red Cross called asking me to donate blood, supplies being low due to the storms. Apparently it takes a while for donation information to propagate through their collective database. Go figure.
Aaron
Not dead yet
Greetings.
Status update: I gave blood and got back a few minutes ago. As far as I can tell, I am not dead yet, and nothing has gone particularly wrong. Also, you can find stuff on astrology and blood-letting in the Babylonian Talmudh at Shabbath 129b. Enjoy.
Aaron
Status update: I gave blood and got back a few minutes ago. As far as I can tell, I am not dead yet, and nothing has gone particularly wrong. Also, you can find stuff on astrology and blood-letting in the Babylonian Talmudh at Shabbath 129b. Enjoy.
Aaron
24 'Elul 5765/28 September 2005: Feed the Vampires Day
Greetings.
Rupert and the gang have asked me to try to influence the content of the advertising so it isn’t so stupid and boring. Here goes their suggestion: Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. I doubt that Google AdSense has ads for anything particularly hippopotamus-related, but I figure it’s worth a try.
Current mood: Feeling like falling over due to disturbed sleep due to penitential prayers being scheduled at weird hours, and unhappy with being somewhat damp from the stormy and wet weather outside combined with inappropriate air-conditioning. And I'm scheduled to give blood in about half an hour. Allegedly a Wednesday which is the 24 of the month is bad for letting blood. (Reference to be posted later when I’m up to looking it up.) Assuming this is correct and I somehow drop dead, I authorize my brother David to break into my computer so that my data can be distributed appropriately for the good of the family, the Jewish people, and humankind in general. My passwords are stored in a place General Steele would find appropriate.
Today’s weird thing is the dbacl project homepage, which is dedicated to the question of whether a Bayesian spam filter can play chess. (I cannot make stuff like this up.) Enjoy.
Aaron
Rupert and the gang have asked me to try to influence the content of the advertising so it isn’t so stupid and boring. Here goes their suggestion: Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. Hippo. I doubt that Google AdSense has ads for anything particularly hippopotamus-related, but I figure it’s worth a try.
Current mood: Feeling like falling over due to disturbed sleep due to penitential prayers being scheduled at weird hours, and unhappy with being somewhat damp from the stormy and wet weather outside combined with inappropriate air-conditioning. And I'm scheduled to give blood in about half an hour. Allegedly a Wednesday which is the 24 of the month is bad for letting blood. (Reference to be posted later when I’m up to looking it up.) Assuming this is correct and I somehow drop dead, I authorize my brother David to break into my computer so that my data can be distributed appropriately for the good of the family, the Jewish people, and humankind in general. My passwords are stored in a place General Steele would find appropriate.
Today’s weird thing is the dbacl project homepage, which is dedicated to the question of whether a Bayesian spam filter can play chess. (I cannot make stuff like this up.) Enjoy.
Aaron
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
23 'Elul 5765/27 September 2005: World Tourism Day
Greetings.
Worthy cause of the day: New petition: “Rebuild the Gulf with fair share taxes, not slashed services”, and no, it does not surprise me that Bush and the GOP would kick the poor when they’re down.
Various things that accumulated on my desktop:
In honor of World Tourism Day, today’s weird thing is Bud’s Travels. Enjoy.
Aaron
Worthy cause of the day: New petition: “Rebuild the Gulf with fair share taxes, not slashed services”, and no, it does not surprise me that Bush and the GOP would kick the poor when they’re down.
Various things that accumulated on my desktop:
- “Bill Would Permit DNA Collection From All Those Arrested”
- “Our World: The death of memory”
- “China sets new rules on Internet news”
- “Corporate irresponsibility”
- “Armed and dangerous - Flipper the firing dolphin let loose by Katrina”
In honor of World Tourism Day, today’s weird thing is Bud’s Travels. Enjoy.
Aaron
Monday, September 26, 2005
22 'Elul 5765/26 September 2005: European Day of Languages
Greetings.
Today is the European Day of Languages, and if there is any language people like to make fun it, it’s English. Therefore, today’s weird thing is a little something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN:
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
Today is the European Day of Languages, and if there is any language people like to make fun it, it’s English. Therefore, today’s weird thing is a little something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN:
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
21 'Elul 5765/25 September 2005: Shadowlands Haunted Places Index
Greetings.
Good news: “Geriatric Microsoft scuppered by file formats” (AKA “Microsoft’s in trouble! Microsoft’s in trouble!”).
Bad news: “Suspicious behaviour on the tube”.
Sensible thinking: “Encourage Arab emigration”.
Today’s weird thing is Shadowlands Haunted Places Index. (Go figure.) Enjoy.
Aaron
Good news: “Geriatric Microsoft scuppered by file formats” (AKA “Microsoft’s in trouble! Microsoft’s in trouble!”).
Bad news: “Suspicious behaviour on the tube”.
Sensible thinking: “Encourage Arab emigration”.
Today’s weird thing is Shadowlands Haunted Places Index. (Go figure.) Enjoy.
Aaron
Friday, September 23, 2005
19 'Elul 5765/23 September 2005: Checkers Day
Greetings.
Worthy cause of the day: Congressman John Conyers, Jr.’s petition against a new poll tax.
Today’s weird thing is the article “New record for most Valentines sent to guinea pig”. Enjoy.
Aaron
Worthy cause of the day: Congressman John Conyers, Jr.’s petition against a new poll tax.
Today’s weird thing is the article “New record for most Valentines sent to guinea pig”. Enjoy.
Aaron
Thursday, September 22, 2005
18 'Elul 5765/22 September 2005: “How to destroy the Earth”
Greetings.
Political stuff:
Aaron
Political stuff:
- “Congressmen Seek Endangered Species Change”
- “Jewish refugees from Arab countries seek compensation”
- “Jews in Ethiopia begin hunger strike”
Aaron
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
17 'Elul 5765/21 September 2005: International Banana Festival
Greetings.
Today’s weird thing is the article “Pentagon's New Goal: Put Science Into Scripts”. Enjoy, and may you be written and sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Today’s weird thing is the article “Pentagon's New Goal: Put Science Into Scripts”. Enjoy, and may you be written and sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
16 'Elul 5765/20 September 2005
Greetings.
Political griping: “Panel calls for improved voting lists, ID requirements”, but considering how badly the last election was handled, this should not be a surprise to anyone.
Today’s weird thing is “One Small Step For Hand”, which is about a novel use for an RFID tag. Enjoy, and may you be written and sealed in the book of life for a good year..
Aaron
Political griping: “Panel calls for improved voting lists, ID requirements”, but considering how badly the last election was handled, this should not be a surprise to anyone.
Today’s weird thing is “One Small Step For Hand”, which is about a novel use for an RFID tag. Enjoy, and may you be written and sealed in the book of life for a good year..
Aaron
Monday, September 19, 2005
15 'Elul 5765/19 September 2005: International Talk Like a Pirate Day
Greetin’s.
Latest cartoon whose punch-line I provided: “missing duckie”.
Today be Talk Like A Pirate Day. In celebration o’ this event, today’s weird thin’ be t’ classic weird pirate opera “The Pirates of Penzance”. Read it or walk the plank! Enjoy, and may you be written and sealed in t’ book o’ life for a good year.
Cap’n Aaron
(Icon borrowed from NEXTSTEP.)
Sunday, September 18, 2005
14 'Elul 5765/18 September 2005: Unblokt
Greetings.
Today’s weird thing is unblokt, a bizarre experiment in creative writing in which one is given a sentence and has to fill in something that goes between them. They’re hoping to write a novel this way. I’m responsible for putting in stuff about gray aliens. Enjoy.
Aaron
Today’s weird thing is unblokt, a bizarre experiment in creative writing in which one is given a sentence and has to fill in something that goes between them. They’re hoping to write a novel this way. I’m responsible for putting in stuff about gray aliens. Enjoy.
Aaron
Friday, September 16, 2005
12 'Elul 5765/16 September 2005: Stepfamily Day
Greetings.
Relevant to today: About Stepfamily Day.
Today’s weird thing is “Cave Thinkers - How evolutionary psychology gets evolution wrong”, which was suggested by Barry. Enjoy, Shabbath shalom, and may you be written and sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Relevant to today: About Stepfamily Day.
Today’s weird thing is “Cave Thinkers - How evolutionary psychology gets evolution wrong”, which was suggested by Barry. Enjoy, Shabbath shalom, and may you be written and sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Thursday, September 15, 2005
11 'Elul 5765/15 September 2005: Felt Hat Day
Greetings.
Today’s weird thing is the unusual computer modification “How to Cool your PC with Dry Ice”. Enjoy.
Aaron
Today’s weird thing is the unusual computer modification “How to Cool your PC with Dry Ice”. Enjoy.
Aaron
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
10 'Elul 5765/14 September 2005: Various uses for Coca-Cola
Greetings.
Worthy cause of the day: The MoveOn.org “We Need a Katrina Commission” petition.
Political griping of the day: “An orgy of looting and arson”, “Blinded by ideology”, and “Editorial: Hold Palestinians accountable”.
Today’s weird thing is some useful information on Coca-Cola from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl. Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan; wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, And run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
AND WE DRINK THIS STUFF!
(FYI... the active ingredient in coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8 it will dissolve a nail in about 4 days. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!)
Drink up!
Worthy cause of the day: The MoveOn.org “We Need a Katrina Commission” petition.
Political griping of the day: “An orgy of looting and arson”, “Blinded by ideology”, and “Editorial: Hold Palestinians accountable”.
Today’s weird thing is some useful information on Coca-Cola from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl. Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan; wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, And run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
AND WE DRINK THIS STUFF!
(FYI... the active ingredient in coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8 it will dissolve a nail in about 4 days. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!)
Drink up!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
9 'Elul 5765/13 September 2005: Defy Superstition Day
Greetings.
Today we have a number of interesting things that were lying around on my desktop, not in any particular order.
Aaron
Today we have a number of interesting things that were lying around on my desktop, not in any particular order.
- End the Madness!
- “PA bulldozers begin razing remaining Gaza synagogues”
- “Responses to the Arabs´ Burning of the Synagogues”
- “Don't dumb me down”
- “The Six Dumbest Ideas in Computer Security”
Aaron
Monday, September 12, 2005
8 'Elul 5765/12 September 2005: UglyRipe tomatoes and the B612 Project
Greetings.
Update on previously mentioned stuff: Yesterday I steamed and ate an UglyRipe tomato along with salmon and mixed vegetables. It was delicious.
Today’s weird thing is The B612 Project, the ambitious goal of which is to “Significantly alter the orbit of an asteroid in a controlled manner by 2015.” The point of this is practice for the inevitable need of deflecting objects likely to hit Earth. Enjoy, and may you be written and sealed for a good year in the book of life.
Aaron
Update on previously mentioned stuff: Yesterday I steamed and ate an UglyRipe tomato along with salmon and mixed vegetables. It was delicious.
Today’s weird thing is The B612 Project, the ambitious goal of which is to “Significantly alter the orbit of an asteroid in a controlled manner by 2015.” The point of this is practice for the inevitable need of deflecting objects likely to hit Earth. Enjoy, and may you be written and sealed for a good year in the book of life.
Aaron
Sunday, September 11, 2005
7 'Elul 5765/11 September 2005: Patriot Day
Greetings.
Minor personal achievement: My punchline was chosen for the cartoon “gym exercise”.
Interesting result of the gasoline price fiasco: “U.S. gas prices fuel "drive offs" by angry drivers”.
Today’s weird thing is “How I failed the Turing test”. Enjoy.
Aaron
Minor personal achievement: My punchline was chosen for the cartoon “gym exercise”.
Interesting result of the gasoline price fiasco: “U.S. gas prices fuel "drive offs" by angry drivers”.
Today’s weird thing is “How I failed the Turing test”. Enjoy.
Aaron
Friday, September 9, 2005
5 'Elul 5765/9 September 2005
Greetings.
Political griping (by people other than me): .“Lawmakers Propose Changes at FEMA”.
Freebee: Arutz 7's Sheva Ways to Win Raffle
Today’s weird thing is the rather scary article “Security no match for theater lovers”. Enjoy, Shabbath shalom, and may you be written in sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Political griping (by people other than me): .“Lawmakers Propose Changes at FEMA”.
Freebee: Arutz 7's Sheva Ways to Win Raffle
Today’s weird thing is the rather scary article “Security no match for theater lovers”. Enjoy, Shabbath shalom, and may you be written in sealed in the book of life for a good year.
Aaron
Thursday, September 8, 2005
4 'Elul 5765/8 September 2005: International Literacy Day
Greetings.
Worthy cause of the day: Another MoveOn.org petition: Don't Blame the Victims, Get to Work.
Political griping:
Aaron
Worthy cause of the day: Another MoveOn.org petition: Don't Blame the Victims, Get to Work.
Political griping:
- “States sue US over energy efficiency of appliances” (governmental laziness)
- “FEMA relief services Windows-only” (morally inexcusable HTML coding if I ever heard of it)
- “Style-conscious city flags down bald cabbies” (I cannot make this up!)
Aaron
Wednesday, September 7, 2005
3 'Elul 5765/7 September 2005: “Koran-Quoting Trojan Blocks Access To Porn Sites”
Greetings.
Today’s weird thing is something so bizarre it was inevitable I would deem it weird thing of the day: the article “Koran-Quoting Trojan Blocks Access To Porn Sites”. (I cannot make something like this up!) Enjoy.
Aaron
Today’s weird thing is something so bizarre it was inevitable I would deem it weird thing of the day: the article “Koran-Quoting Trojan Blocks Access To Porn Sites”. (I cannot make something like this up!) Enjoy.
Aaron
Tuesday, September 6, 2005
2 'Elul 5765/6 September 2005: The High Price of Gasoline
Greetings.
Political griping:
Aaron
Political griping:
- “Doctors Hamstrung in Relief Efforts”
- “Gas Prices Drive Man to Commute by Horse”
- “Muslims torch 14 Christian homes near Ramallah”
- “The Latest IP Crime: "Box-Wrap" Patent Infringement”
Aaron
Monday, September 5, 2005
1 'Elul 5765/5 September 2005: Ro'sh Hodhesh Elul/Jewish New Year for Animal Tithes/Labor Day
Greetings, and happy new year.
Political forecast: Due to the recent death of Judge Renquhist, expect heavy partisan bickering for the next few weeks with a sizable chance of filibusters. No doubt George W. Bush’s failure to prepare in advance for Hurricane Katrina and his slow response afterwards will be brought up, and his popularity ratings will continue to fall.
Yesterday I watched some episodes of Mork and Mindy, among them “Mork Runs Away”. In this episode, according to Exidor of the Friends of Venus, the Venusians will come on Labor Day to blow up the Earth. However, they are allegedly sending a spaceship to take 1,000 humans to Venus where they will have condominiums with hot-and-cold-running champagne and underwater dancing. Unfortunately, I did not find a transcript of this utter silliness on-line, so today’s weird thing will be a little something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
SEEMS OBVIOUS !!!!
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the synagogue/church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the synagogue/church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again the answer was, "NO!"
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.
Once more they all answered, "NO!"
"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
Political forecast: Due to the recent death of Judge Renquhist, expect heavy partisan bickering for the next few weeks with a sizable chance of filibusters. No doubt George W. Bush’s failure to prepare in advance for Hurricane Katrina and his slow response afterwards will be brought up, and his popularity ratings will continue to fall.
Yesterday I watched some episodes of Mork and Mindy, among them “Mork Runs Away”. In this episode, according to Exidor of the Friends of Venus, the Venusians will come on Labor Day to blow up the Earth. However, they are allegedly sending a spaceship to take 1,000 humans to Venus where they will have condominiums with hot-and-cold-running champagne and underwater dancing. Unfortunately, I did not find a transcript of this utter silliness on-line, so today’s weird thing will be a little something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
SEEMS OBVIOUS !!!!
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the synagogue/church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the synagogue/church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again the answer was, "NO!"
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.
Once more they all answered, "NO!"
"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
Sunday, September 4, 2005
Friday, September 2, 2005
28 'Av 5765/2 September 2005: National Beheading Day
Greetings.
This will be long, so please bear with me.
Worthy cause of the day: Donate to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina. If your local synagogue or other house of worship is not collecting funds, there are a number of places on-line that are, many of which are listed at Network for Good :: Hurricane Relief Efforts and Preparedness. Also, HurricaneHousing.org allows you to donate free housing to those who need it.
Political gripe: “Palestinians angered by Israel-Pakistan talks” displays an attitude among the Stateless Arabs so repulsive and antithetical to the least possibility of peace-making that it makes me wonder why the entire planet has not deliberately marooned these people on an uninhabited island and left them to fend for themselves so that no one else would ever have to deal with them again.
Political activism: My brother Barry, in a fit of annoyance, decided to E-mail our de-facto president about how displeased he was and CCed the entire senate as well. Here are the E-mails he used:
senator@akaka.senate.gov, senator@allard.senate.gov, senator@bayh.senate.gov, senator@biden.senate.gov, senator_bingaman@bingaman.senate.gov, senator@boxer.senate.gov, senator@cantwell.senate.gov, senator@clinton.senate.gov, senator@cochran.senate.gov, senator@conrad.senate.gov, senator@demint.senate.gov, senator@dorgan.senate.gov, russell_feingold@feingold.senate.gov, senator@inouye.senate.gov, senator@johnson.senate.gov, senator@landrieu.senate.gov, senator_leahy@leahy.senate.gov, senator@levin.senate.gov, senatorlott@lott.senate.gov, senator_lugar@lugar.senate.gov, senator@mccain.senate.gov, senator@bennelson.senate.gov, senator@pryor.senate.gov, senator@rockefeller.senate.gov, senator@sarbanes.senate.gov, senator@schumer.senate.gov, senator@shelby.senate.gov, senator@stabenow.senate.gov, senator@warner.senate.gov
Ones other than these apparently bounced. He also notes that the de-facto president can be reached at president@whitehouse.gov or comments@whitehouse.gov,
and the de-facto vice president can be
reached at vice.president@whitehouse.gov.
Go forth and send your complaints to these people. If they do not pay attention to what people say, they have no business being in office.
Finally, today’s weird thing is “It's a miracle: mice regrow hearts”. (I cannot make something like this up!) Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
This will be long, so please bear with me.
Worthy cause of the day: Donate to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina. If your local synagogue or other house of worship is not collecting funds, there are a number of places on-line that are, many of which are listed at Network for Good :: Hurricane Relief Efforts and Preparedness. Also, HurricaneHousing.org allows you to donate free housing to those who need it.
Political gripe: “Palestinians angered by Israel-Pakistan talks” displays an attitude among the Stateless Arabs so repulsive and antithetical to the least possibility of peace-making that it makes me wonder why the entire planet has not deliberately marooned these people on an uninhabited island and left them to fend for themselves so that no one else would ever have to deal with them again.
Political activism: My brother Barry, in a fit of annoyance, decided to E-mail our de-facto president about how displeased he was and CCed the entire senate as well. Here are the E-mails he used:
senator@akaka.senate.gov, senator@allard.senate.gov, senator@bayh.senate.gov, senator@biden.senate.gov, senator_bingaman@bingaman.senate.gov, senator@boxer.senate.gov, senator@cantwell.senate.gov, senator@clinton.senate.gov, senator@cochran.senate.gov, senator@conrad.senate.gov, senator@demint.senate.gov, senator@dorgan.senate.gov, russell_feingold@feingold.senate.gov, senator@inouye.senate.gov, senator@johnson.senate.gov, senator@landrieu.senate.gov, senator_leahy@leahy.senate.gov, senator@levin.senate.gov, senatorlott@lott.senate.gov, senator_lugar@lugar.senate.gov, senator@mccain.senate.gov, senator@bennelson.senate.gov, senator@pryor.senate.gov, senator@rockefeller.senate.gov, senator@sarbanes.senate.gov, senator@schumer.senate.gov, senator@shelby.senate.gov, senator@stabenow.senate.gov, senator@warner.senate.gov
Ones other than these apparently bounced. He also notes that the de-facto president can be reached at president@whitehouse.gov or comments@whitehouse.gov,
and the de-facto vice president can be
reached at vice.president@whitehouse.gov.
Go forth and send your complaints to these people. If they do not pay attention to what people say, they have no business being in office.
Finally, today’s weird thing is “It's a miracle: mice regrow hearts”. (I cannot make something like this up!) Enjoy, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
Thursday, September 1, 2005
27 'Av 5765/1 September 2005: "Little Alex"
Greetings.
Political griping: See Backspin. They have been having a number of notable articles lately.
Political absurdity: “Be careful what you say about kimchi in Pyongyang”. (As I am so fond of saying, I cannot make something like this up. Welcome to Nineteen Eighty-Four.)
Today’s weird thing is a cute story from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
Little Alex
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed that little Alex was starring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
The little seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."
"Good morning pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor Jamison, what is this?" Alex asked.
"Well, Son, it's a Memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked.. "Which service, the 9:00 or the 11:00?"
Political griping: See Backspin. They have been having a number of notable articles lately.
Political absurdity: “Be careful what you say about kimchi in Pyongyang”. (As I am so fond of saying, I cannot make something like this up. Welcome to Nineteen Eighty-Four.)
Today’s weird thing is a cute story from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
Little Alex
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed that little Alex was starring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
The little seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."
"Good morning pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor Jamison, what is this?" Alex asked.
"Well, Son, it's a Memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked.. "Which service, the 9:00 or the 11:00?"
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
26 'Av 5765/31 August 2005: Gnomar.com
Greetings.
Political griping: “Poverty rate rises to 12.7 percent” (i.e., Bush’s policies are hurting America) and New “Zim Bill is 'rape of democracy'”.
Today’s weird thing is Gnomar.com, which is about the adventures of various lawn gnomes around the World. Enjoy.
Aaron
Political griping: “Poverty rate rises to 12.7 percent” (i.e., Bush’s policies are hurting America) and New “Zim Bill is 'rape of democracy'”.
Today’s weird thing is Gnomar.com, which is about the adventures of various lawn gnomes around the World. Enjoy.
Aaron
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Worthy cause of the day: No $75 Billion Give-Away to the Richest Americans
Greetings.
I almost forgot: MoveOn.org is now collecting donations to pay for radio ads against repealing the estate tax for the richest 2% of Americans. Please considering contributing a few dollars and helping fight George W. Bush’s plan to make the national debt even worse than it already is. Thank you.
Aaron
I almost forgot: MoveOn.org is now collecting donations to pay for radio ads against repealing the estate tax for the richest 2% of Americans. Please considering contributing a few dollars and helping fight George W. Bush’s plan to make the national debt even worse than it already is. Thank you.
Aaron
25 'Av 5765/30 August 2005: National Toasted Marshmallow Day/Frankenstein Day
Greetings.
Weird quasi-cause of the day: Send your name to Pluto!
In honor of Frankenstein Day, today’s weird thing is (unsurprisingly) Mary Wollenstone Shelley’s Frankenstein, or The Modern Prometheus, a worthy read. Enjoy.
Aaron
Weird quasi-cause of the day: Send your name to Pluto!
In honor of Frankenstein Day, today’s weird thing is (unsurprisingly) Mary Wollenstone Shelley’s Frankenstein, or The Modern Prometheus, a worthy read. Enjoy.
Aaron
Monday, August 29, 2005
24 'Av 5765/29 August 2005: David's birthday
Greetings, and happy birthday to my brother David.
In the interest of religious education, today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
Subject: child's view of the bible
HEALING LAUGHTER FOR THE SOUL. If you know the Bible, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the New Testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Samson was a st rong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines .
15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the decibels.
22. The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
In the interest of religious education, today’s weird thing is something from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
Subject: child's view of the bible
HEALING LAUGHTER FOR THE SOUL. If you know the Bible, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the New Testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Samson was a st rong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines .
15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the decibels.
22. The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
23 'Av 5765/28 August 2005
Greetings.
Gripe of the day: Barry has pointed out the article “Autistic Boy's Death Raises Questions”, which is a warning to those who act upon hypotheses which are unsupported by actual data. What the article does not say is that there is zero credible data that any vaccination is associated with autism. Children happen to get vaccinated with a vaccine called MMR (stands for “measles, mumps, rubella”) about the same time that autism is usually diagnosed. This led one man to assume there was a link between MMR and autism, and he announced it to the press without bothering to do the actual research needed. When other people did the research, it turned out that vaccinated and unvaccinated children were equally likely to develop autism. As such, chelation therapy is a waste of time at best, and in the case discussed in the article homicide due to stupidity.
I have solved the riddle of why Google AdSense ads were not showing up: PithHelmet, the ad-blocking software I use, was filtering them out. I set PithHelmet not to block anything from this blog except (universally agreed to be evil) pop-up ads, and now they show up fine. They haven't earned me any money yet, but at least I know they can. Though I doubt anyone is going to lay out money to buy alleged ghost footage...
Today’s weird thing is a convenient rationalization from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
Can't eat beef... mad cow.
Can't eat chicken or eggs... bird flu.
Can't eat pork... fears that bird flu will infect piggies.
Can't eat fish... poisoned by heavy metals in the water.
Can't eat fruit or veggies... insecticides and herbicides.
Hmmmmmm... I believe that leaves chocolate.
Gripe of the day: Barry has pointed out the article “Autistic Boy's Death Raises Questions”, which is a warning to those who act upon hypotheses which are unsupported by actual data. What the article does not say is that there is zero credible data that any vaccination is associated with autism. Children happen to get vaccinated with a vaccine called MMR (stands for “measles, mumps, rubella”) about the same time that autism is usually diagnosed. This led one man to assume there was a link between MMR and autism, and he announced it to the press without bothering to do the actual research needed. When other people did the research, it turned out that vaccinated and unvaccinated children were equally likely to develop autism. As such, chelation therapy is a waste of time at best, and in the case discussed in the article homicide due to stupidity.
I have solved the riddle of why Google AdSense ads were not showing up: PithHelmet, the ad-blocking software I use, was filtering them out. I set PithHelmet not to block anything from this blog except (universally agreed to be evil) pop-up ads, and now they show up fine. They haven't earned me any money yet, but at least I know they can. Though I doubt anyone is going to lay out money to buy alleged ghost footage...
Today’s weird thing is a convenient rationalization from Emily’s collection, included below. Enjoy.
Aaron
Can't eat beef... mad cow.
Can't eat chicken or eggs... bird flu.
Can't eat pork... fears that bird flu will infect piggies.
Can't eat fish... poisoned by heavy metals in the water.
Can't eat fruit or veggies... insecticides and herbicides.
Hmmmmmm... I believe that leaves chocolate.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Worthy cause of the day: Preserve The Estate Tax
Greetings.
MoveOn.org has another petition up, this one to keep Congress from abolishing the estate tax. Please sign and tell your senators that tax breaks for the richest 2% of the country make no sense when we have the biggest federal deficit in history. Thank you for your help, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
MoveOn.org has another petition up, this one to keep Congress from abolishing the estate tax. Please sign and tell your senators that tax breaks for the richest 2% of the country make no sense when we have the biggest federal deficit in history. Thank you for your help, and Shabbath shalom.
Aaron
21 'Av 5765/26 August 2005: Women's Equality/Right to Vote Day
Greetings.
Today’s quasi-holiday commemorates, to quote Odd Holidays, “the 1920 passage of the 19th Amendment to the Constitution, granting women the right to vote.” Voting rights for women was a big political issue at the time, and like all big issues, it attracted not only people who seriously believed in it, but also many people wishing to exploit it for personal gain. The latter were parodied in today’s weird thing, L. Frank Baum’s The Marvelous Land of Oz. Baum was the son-in-law of women’s rights actvist Matilda Joslyn Gage, so he was familiar with the movement; how the plot is resolved reflects a significant feminist influence.
Note: It is recommended that one read The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, to which The Marvelous Land of Oz, first. Those relying on the 1939 MGM movie may be needlessly confused on details.
Enjoy.
Aaron
Today’s quasi-holiday commemorates, to quote Odd Holidays, “the 1920 passage of the 19th Amendment to the Constitution, granting women the right to vote.” Voting rights for women was a big political issue at the time, and like all big issues, it attracted not only people who seriously believed in it, but also many people wishing to exploit it for personal gain. The latter were parodied in today’s weird thing, L. Frank Baum’s The Marvelous Land of Oz. Baum was the son-in-law of women’s rights actvist Matilda Joslyn Gage, so he was familiar with the movement; how the plot is resolved reflects a significant feminist influence.
Note: It is recommended that one read The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, to which The Marvelous Land of Oz, first. Those relying on the 1939 MGM movie may be needlessly confused on details.
Enjoy.
Aaron
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Correction
Greetings.
I made a mistake. What happened at the Western Wall was not a protest. It was a prayer meeting. Sorry about that.
Aaron
I made a mistake. What happened at the Western Wall was not a protest. It was a prayer meeting. Sorry about that.
Aaron
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