Thursday, June 21, 2012

Simḥah Holṣberg Alley

Jewish date:  1 Tammuz 5772 (Parashath Qoraḥ).

Today’s events:  World Music Day


Yes, your humble blogger is still blogging about Giv‘ath Shemu’el, the town where he lives, and today’s street of interest is Simḥah Holṣberg Alley, which is essentially a continuation of Mosheh Dayyan Alley to the south of Zevulun Hammer Street.  As usual, all descriptions are liable to be inaccurate for entertainment purposes and are not admissible in a court of law.

I was met again on Simḥah Holṣberg Alley by Casper the Friendly Goat, who not only refused to have his picture taken, but also had much to say on the ◙◙▣◉╳ ◳◳◳ and her pet ◪◬◘ Salle.  The reader may recall their criminal antics were discussed in the posts on ’Uri Ṣevi Grinbergh StreetHagGefen Street, and HagGibborim Avenue.  Sadly, they seem to have struck Simḥah Holṣberg Alley as well.

The decorations on this gate are actually a Foo hex charm against  ◙◙▣◉╳s and ◪◬◘s, exactly what someone superstitious would want if ◳◳◳ and Salle were about.  Foo fabricators are routinely tweaked to produce such charms in as little as 13.2 minutes.

Casper claimed there had been a thriving taxidermy shop here until ◳◳◳ and Salle visited.  According to Wikipedia, ◳◳◳ and Salle have a collection of over five abducted buildings.  This may seem like an absurdly low number, but transporting whole buildings across interstellar distances is extremely expensive, and few goofy, mischevious aliens are able to afford abducting even one.

Every wonder why Giv‘ath Shemu’el has a Pac-Man infestation problem?  Casper blames ◳◳◳ and Salle for opening this passage to Pac-World, emphasizing that this prank was Salle’s idea.  The ghosts rarely come through only because they are afraid of our demons.

These Intefe robots waxed indignant about ◳◳◳ and Salle hacking their Facebook accounts and posting some nonsense praising the nonexistent movies Adventures in Sandwich-MakingThe Old Man and the C Compiler, and Disorient Express.  These hacked posts were riddled with grammar and spelling errors and focused heavily on how the writers had wisely left out anything resembling a plot in favor of flashy effects, atrocious acting, and chrome-plated robots.

The Intefe robots also claim that ◳◳◳ and Salle put this fence around this playground just to keep out children and make them cry.

“◳◳◳ and Salle painted me this ridiculous color and ran off down this passageway to the world of Gone with the Wind.  The natives decided the dastardly duo were too colorful and send them back.”

Casper claims that ◳◳◳ and Salle took the tea shop here, but rather than adding it their collection, they sold it to the Empire of the Lost Continent of Zeelandia.  The undersea Zeelandians reportedly are willing to pay handsomely for interesting buildings from the surface.

Casper claims that ◳◳◳ and Salle sold the pet shop here to people from the contradictorily named Democratic Dictatorship of the Kerguelen Plateau, another undersea country.  The Kerplatians, as they nickname themselves, have made it a national pastime to confuse everyone else (hence the name of their country).  As such, they recently declared acquiring buildings from the surface their official sport and have team dedicated to it.  The Zeelandians are not amused.

Plants which Casper the Friendly Goat tells me are delicious.

Caper claims this is some of ◳◳◳ and Salle’s equipment.  He warned me that I should not get any closer, as it might be boobytrapped.  He once touched one of the devices and was pelted with silly string.

The ninja hiding behind this fence started to tell me about ◳◳◳ and Salle’s history, but he got no further than ◳◳◳ being decanted.  At that point, a pirate chloroformed him and dragged him away.  General rule for being a ninja:  never let anyone know where you are if you do not absolutely need to do so.

Enjoy, share the weirdness, and stay away from ◳◳◳ and Salle.

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