- “Suddenly, It's Hip to Be Square”
- “Fewer elephants with tusks born in China”—Natural selection in action.
- “Free Diabetes Drugs Could Save U.S. Money”—A stitch in time saves nine.
- Optimus keyboard—I plan on buying one when it comes out.
- The “half-blood” prince is so-called because he drinks so much that it seems half of his blood is really alcohol.
- Voldemort was responsible for the Bush administration.
- McGonnagal secretly pays Hermione to keep Harry from flunking out of Hogwarts.
- Harry is shocked to hear Snape utter the immortal words “Harry, I am your father!”
- Snape is caught crying like a baby in his office and admits to just wanting to be loved.
- Hermione falls in love with Crabbe.
- Voldemort is no longer a threat. Neville Longbottom stabs him in the back (literally) and seizes control of the Death Eaters and, by the end of the book, all of England.
- Hagrid’s half-brother Grawpe defeats a huge, radioactive lizard, but he decides to relax afterwards by sitting down on Hogwarts and inadvertently collapses half of the building.
- Owl nuts (a treat for Hedwig and Pigwidgeon) are made from people!