Today is the release of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, a remake of a horror movie based on a lousy book by Roald Dahl. My brother Barry has written a rant on why that movie deserves to be included in the horror genre, but I won’t go further along that track but instead will use this as an opportunity to post stuff about chocolate, the only candy really worth eating. See “Dark chocolate seen healthy for arteries” for a good excuse to eat chocolate. Now, since one study alone is insufficient to act upon, for your convenience I am also including three useful rationalizations from the collection of fellow chocolate-lover Emily below. Enjoy, have some chocolate, and Shabbath shalom.
Chocolate is a Vegetable
Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar BEETS.
Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category.
Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
Remember: "STRESSED" spelled backward is "DESSERTS"
Can't eat... beef (mad cow)...
poultry or eggs (bird flu)...
pork (fear of bird flu infecting piggies)...
fish (heavy metals in the water)...
fruit & veggies (insecticides & herbicides)...
guess that leaves CHOCOLATE.
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, So eat as many as you want.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what is wrong with you?
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
If I eat equal amounts of dark and white chocolate, is this considered a balanced diet?
Money talks. Chocolate sings!
Chocolate has many preservatives.
Preservatives make you look younger.