5 July 2005/28 Siwan 5765

Greetings.

Robert “Bobby Awesome” Olsen has suggested to me that in order to make money I should sell “hippoburgers”. Alas, I had to turn that idea down. Hippopotamuses are very high in fat, so it is morally questionable to promote the eating of hippo meat, and they are endangered, which means that hippoburgers would be illegal. Bobby also suggested an alternative notion of hippoburgers, namely that miniature hippos be put to work in the fast-food industry, but it is difficult to imagine how any hippopotamus, not having hands, would be able to prepare food.

Today’s weird thing is from Emily’s collection and is included below. My intuition is that it probably could use some expanding. Members of other religions will probably find many of the attitudes portrayed very familiar.

Enjoy.

Aaron

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How many church members does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic:
     Only one.
     Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal:
     Ten.
     One to change the bulb, and
     nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians:
     None.
     Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic:
     None.
     Candles only.

Baptists:
     At least 15.
     One to change the light bulb, and
     three committees to approve the change and
     decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians:
    Three.
    One to call the electrician
    one to mix the drinks and
    one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons:
   Five.
   One man to change the bulb, and
   four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians:
     We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or
     against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your
     own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you,
     that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or
     compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the
     next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number
     of light bulb traditions, including candescent, fluorescent,
     three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are
     equally valid paths to luminescence

Methodists:
     Undetermined.
     Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you
     are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb,
     or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned
     for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene:
     Six.
     One woman to replace the bulb
     while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans:
     None.
     Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish:
    What's a light bulb?