Sunday, July 24, 2005

17 Tammuz 5765/24 July 2005: Fast Commemorating the Breaching of the Walls of Jerusalem


Today is a fast day, when silliness, which is liable to come up in many weird things, is not really appropriate. As such, in lieu of a proper weird thing, you are getting a draft unilateral peace plan for Israel I have created, included below. This is an unusual in that 1) it is purely unilateral with only Israel’s involvement being necessary and 2) unlike other peace plans, it is designed to bring about peace and not foolish try to bribe aggressors.


Solving the Israeli-“Palestinian” conflict

So far all “peace plans” to end the Israeli-“Palestinian” conflict have been miserable failures. The sole cause of this has been that the “Palestinians” have consistently failed to live up to their obligations and instead have interpreted making an agreement as an opportunity to engage in acts of terrorism. Since this is war, let it be treated thusly. To this end, I am proposing a purely unilateral plan whose aim is to actually bring an end to the Israeli-“Palestinian” conflict, presented below. Note “unilateral”; agreement of the “Palestinians” or any third party is unnecessary and highly unlikely anyway.

International directives:
1. Pay no attention to what other countries and organizations say. This includes the US, the EU, the UN, and every Muslim state. These have historically tended to get in the way of problem-solving and have done what they could to prolong the conflict, often deliberately, for short-term political gain.
2. Diplomats who support prolonging the conflict will be deemed persona non grata and be given 24 hours to leave Israel.
3. Countries and groups working against Israel will receive no favors, periods.
4. New slogan of Israel: “WE DON’T CARE.” This will be displayed prominently wherever appropriate.

National directives:
1. The use of the term “Palestinian” will be terminated. That term only exists to perpetuate lies without the least historical basis. The people to whom the misnomer is applied today are descendants of Syrians, Jordanians, and Egyptians who were dishonorably abandoned behind enemy liens after their own countries started unprovoked wars so they could be used as pawns in an Orwellian game. Henceforth these people will be known as “Stateless Arabs”. If they object, they will be known as “Losers”. Their choice.
2. All security measures to keep Israel safe will be done without regard to the Stateless Arabs approve or find them convenient. They are responsible for such measures being needed; let them bear the burden.
3. Judea, Samaria, and Gaza will be annexed immediately and unconditionally. The Arabs attacked Israel. They lost the wars and territory. Let them get over it.
4. Due to their history of terrorism, supporting terrorism, and tolerating terrorism and violence, all Stateless Arabs who even express the slightest approval of any antisocial behavior will be deemed persona non grata and given 24 hours to leave Israel. This goes double for any of them who act antisocial, especially violently. If they do not leave on their own, they will be shot with a tranquilizer dart, stuffed in a crate, and shipped to France. (France loves such people; therefore they can have them.)
5. All Stateless Arabs will be forbidden to own weapons of any kind. They will have 24 hours to surrender them. After than, any Stateless Arab possessing a weapon will deported to France.
6. All Stateless Arabs will be encouraged to emigrate. A calculation will be made how much it costs to protect Israel from each Stateless Arab per year. Any Stateless Arab who emigrates will be entitled to that amount. Those who decide to come back for any reason will pay double that amount or be denied entry.
7. The only official language of Israel will be Hebrew, with English as the acknowledged international language. Everything official will be done in Hebrew—road signs, tax forms, education, driver registration, everything. Use of Arabic will be discouraged, and it will not be taught in schools. If the Stateless Arabs do not like it, they can leave.
8. All Arab, Islamic, and Arabic broadcasts will be blocked.
9. Israelis will be allowed to live anywhere in Israel, including Judea, Samaria, and Gaza. There be will no Jew-free regions. Stateless Arabs who object to Jews living anywhere will be deported.
10. All religions sites with any non-Muslim claim will be completely removed from Muslim control. There will be no exceptions. The first of these will be the Temple Mount. The waqf currently in charge will be dissolved. All those who participated in the wholesale destruction of Temple Mount artifacts will be prosecuted. All Islamic structures on the Temple Mount will be unceremoniously demolished, the blocked gates will be opened, and that cemetery moved. A proper archaeological examination of the Mount will be held, and the Temple will be rebuilt as soon as reasonably possible.
11. There will be no talk of giving even the slightest amount of self-rule to Stateless Arabs until they have learned to behave themselves.
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