Thursday, July 28, 2005

21 Tammuz 5765/28 July 2005: National Drive-Thru Day

Greetings.

Political commentary: The other day I saw a Gilbert and Sullivan tape and on it was a song from “H.M.S. Pinafore” sung by Sir Joseph Porter which reminded me of how political appointments (such as in the Bush administration) often work. If I may quote:
    When I was a lad I served a term
    As office boy to an Attorney's firm.
    I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor,
    And I polished up the handle of the big front door.
    I polished up that handle so carefullee
    That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

    CHORUS. -- He polished, etc.

    As office boy I made such a mark
    That they gave me the post of a junior clerk.
    I served the writs with a smile so bland,
    And I copied all the letters in a big round hand--
    I copied all the letters in a hand so free,
    That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

    CHORUS. -- He copied, etc.

    In serving writs I made such a name
    That an articled clerk I soon became;
    I wore clean collars and a brand-new suit
    For the pass examination at the Institute,
    And that pass examination did so well for me,
    That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

    CHORUS. -- And that pass examination, etc.

    Of legal knowledge I acquired such a grip
    That they took me into the partnership.
    And that junior partnership, I ween,
    Was the only ship that I ever had seen.
    But that kind of ship so suited me,
    That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

    CHORUS. -- But that kind, etc.

    I grew so rich that I was sent
    By a pocket borough into Parliament.
    I always voted at my party's call,
    And I never thought of thinking for myself at all.
    I thought so little, they rewarded me
    By making me the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

    CHORUS. -- He thought so little, etc.

    Now landsmen all, whoever you may be,
    If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
    If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool,
    Be careful to be guided by this golden rule--
    Stick close to your desks and never go to sea,
    And you all may be rulers of the Queen's Navee!

    CHORUS. -- Stick close, etc.
Since today is National Drive-Thru Day, today’s weird thing is something in my Weird thing of the day source folder that matched the search “drive-through”. Ultimately it comes from an anonymous author via Emily’s collection.

WARNING: Do any on the stuff mentioned in today’s weird thing at your own risk. If you do any of this stuff and it has adverse consequences, yet you complain to me anyway, you implicitly agree to allow me or my representatives to throw Gund Snuffles bears at you.

Enjoy.

Aaron



20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For sexual favors".

7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

8. Dont use any punctuation

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

"And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...

20. Send this e-mail to someone to make them smile...it's called therapy...
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